16 year old niece only wants money for her birthday for a boob job!

[Charlize43]

This is a bit of a rant, so apologies in advance.

I had a bit of a row last week with my Sis as her daughter, who is 16 texted me to say that she only wanted money for her birthday as she is saving up for a boob job! She doesn't look underdeveloped to me and is still growing! Giving her money for her birthday is not the issue for me, I'm more taken aback by what she wants to spend it on.

My Sis is very much of the attitude, let her do what she wants but I'm a little disappointed that she seems completely obsessed with Love Island and that particular lifestyle; influencers like Lottie Moss & Zara McDermott who promote a very sexualised image; and singers like Cardi B and Meghan thee stallion (what type of name is that?) who just seem like singing strippers to me.

I am the eldest, and when I was 16, I grew up with singers like Annie Lennox, Alison Moyet, Kate Bush, and Chrissie Hynde - women who didn't have to be half naked and sexed up to promote their music.

My niece went out last night with two of her friends: one was wearing a suit jacket with clearly nothing on underneath but a pair of shorts and every time she moved I'd get a good view of her breasts. The other wore some kind of cross over top that had both her boobs visibly hanging out from the bottom (I'm not making this up), my niece was wearing a sports bra and a pair of combat trousers. I have no idea where they were going and my sister didn't seem to care.

When did girls become so sexualised? I've never really got how it is suppose to be 'empowering' to dress like that. I didn't seem to get that memo.

Clearly I am too old to understand the younger generation but I'm seeing a lot of body obsessions, bikini pics, boob jobs, big blown up lips, posting selfies in your undies on Instagram, etc.

My niece says she'd love to go on Love Island. Is this what young people aspire to these days?

I feel like I'm the only one standing here with my mouth open. Maybe I should just shut up and go back to listening to Alison Moyet.

Does anyone else feel like this? I don't recall young women being so sexualised when I was young...

[omgthepain]

I'm not a love island fan but read about a guy in there not liking fake women

My question would have to be they're all fake in there so why go in if you don't like that?? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

My cousin has had loads of surgery done and she's still single, miserable as sin and in a lot of debt

[lazylinguist]

If you’re judging people for what they wear, the issue is with you.

Pretty much everybody judges people on what they wear, all the time, whether it's judging them as frumpily dressed, badly dressed or whatever. I'm quite happy to be judgmental about the sexualisation of girls and young women by the media, social media, the music industry etc. I would be appalled if my 16yo dressed that way. And I find the fashion for surgical 'enhancement' both concerning and unattractive. That doesn't mean I think girls and women who do it are bad people or that I don't realise there is pressure for them to do it.

[Naunet]

@CardinalLolzy

Yes they were. I don't agree with it but you can't say that bra & trousers wasn't basically a uniform for either of the spice Mels.

Show me where the 16 year old is in that picture, or the exposed under boob, or the jacket with nothing underneath.

[Naunet]

Women should be able to wear whatever they like without being slut shamed

No one is saying individuals should be “slut shamed”. But we are saying we should question a society that is telling girls they need to over sexualise themselves. What’s wrong with that?

[Babygotblueyes]

I think that as sexismis more clearly identified and challenged (which is quite right) it pops up insidiously. The pressure on girls to look like hyper feminine fem bots is part of that. Like the pressure not to identify as feminists. Reality TV gives such horrible messages. When I was growing up and first working in the 80 s and 90s there was a lot more harassment but far less pressure to look so sexualised.

[lazylinguist]

Women should be able to wear whatever they like without being slut shamed.

It is perfectly possible to dislike a fashion, an outfit or a way of dressing, or to lament the fact that women feel the need to obey society's sexist expectations about how they look without regarding those women as 'sluts' though.

[Undersnatch]

I agree with others that the clothes we wore in the 90s were ridiculously skimpy. I remember the whole going out in a tiny dress with no jacket when it was freezing, very well. I’d feel horrified seeing my kids do the same but I kind of had to do it to find out for myself that a) it was fecking freezing and b) the attention I got as a result wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.

Personally what I think is different now is the uniform look for teenage girls nowadays, poker straight hair, orange face, heavy make up and tiny skirts. This is going on nieces and her friends, mine aren’t that age yet. I remember asking 15yr old were there any role models that didn’t look that way, she was baffled. Also by the idea that a role model may offer more than fashion tips. I asked what she thought about feminism and she said it was bad as it meant ‘the guy won’t pay for your dinner’ .

I feel your pain OP but I think this is all part of teenagedom. The bit I think is more concerning is your sisters attitude to it.

[JellyBabiesFan]

Sixteen year olds were wearing the same in the nineties

Bullshit.

[newnortherner111]

I would suggest that if money is all your niece wants and given the purpose, then just a card for her birthday.

[TheDinosaurMum]

As the owner of a fake pair fitted age 22 I don't have much of a soap box to stand on. I have had them near on a decade now and am very happy with them.

All I would say is she needs to wait till 21+. This is what I was advised when I went for a consultation age 20 by a good surgeon. He said some women develop outside the "normal" puberty range. But by 21 you pretty much know what you have.

I do agree that these days there's a definite "look" and it's very much a cosmetic look, fake lips, massive buttocks, tiny waist and big boobs that seems to be mainstream.

Like many looks and fads it will probably change over time, so if she does wait for 21+ she may find another look is in fashion.

[CardinalLolzy]

@naunet my post was in response to the claim that "Even the biggest girl bands of the 90s didn’t dress like that (see The Spice Girls, Eternal, All Saints for reference)".

[sawdustformypony]

Why don’t men feel the need to dress in tiny outfits? Why don’t they?

Because men compete in other areas to try to impress women (mansplaining might be one of them). If squeezing into tiny outfits worked - they'd do it in a shot.

An ya boo sucks to those men and boys that give in to the urge to look when those boobs are out 'n' proud 'n' screaming "look at me". Gaze-shame !

[motogogo]

@Orf1abc

I wasn't! It was lumberjack shirts and leggings in the early 90's. I never let my DD's out dressed like that, not even now they are over 18

[Weebleweeble]

The men are toned, tanned, waxed, coiffed - a lot of men aren't like that and may never be ....... I'm sure some teen boys have worries over how they look.

[saraclara]

Sixteen year olds were wearing the same in the nineties.

Nope. My kids were 16 in the 90s and neither they nor any of their friends wore anything like that.

[Binjob118]

Completely agree about oversexualisation. Just another commodity to sell. I'd be devastated if my daughter's were like this.
I'd buy her a book token for her birthday.

[Ju11tne]

I think it's hard because today's fashion is the norm!

I'm with you on the boob job it's far too young but there's not much you can do as it's not your daughter.

[AnxiousAndUnraveling]

I completely agree with you @lazylinguist and I am not regarding any those women as sluts at all and I am sorry if it seemed I was. I was trying to convey (badly) that others (not me) ‘slut shame’ based on a women’s appearance as per this definition below and they are views that I do not share. And of course @Naunet I am not saying individuals should be “slut shamed” at all. The term itself is horrible. I completely agree that we absolutely do need question a society that is telling girls they need to over sexualise themselves. I think my post wasn’t very clear I was trying to say what you both did.


‘Slut-shaming is the practice of disparaging women, and occasionally men, for acting in a manner that violates "norms" regarding sexually appropriate behavior. These denigrations,which are oftendouble standards, range from criticizing women for wearing sexy clothing or having multiple sexual partners toblaming sexual assault and rape survivors for their attacks’

[worktrip]

Sad that the pressures on young women to achieve a certain look is resulting in more mental health problems than ever before.

[AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken]

@bethclark553

I think it's quite misogynistic to say young women wanting to feel happy sexualise themselves. Wanting a boob job at 16 is incredibly normal, beauty standards are incredibly high. But I'm sure the increase in girls starving themselves to get the '90's supermodel' look a few years back was also incredibly normal. If she's only 16, chances are she wouldn't find a doctor willing to go ahead with it for a few years anyway. Maybe focus more on trying to make her feel empowered in her own body, as suppose to judging and criticising.

No. The pressure and validation women and girls get when overtly sexualising themselves is misogynistic.
Believing women and girls should not feel the need to conform to these ridiculous, unrealistic beauty standards and go to surgical lengths to do so, is feminism.

[KimikosNightmare]

[quote motogogo]@Orf1abc

I wasn't! It was lumberjack shirts and leggings in the early 90's. I never let my DD's out dressed like that, not even now they are over 18[/quote]
I'm glad I'm not your daughter. Who do you think you are trying to control how an 18 year old dresses.

Oh and here's one of many Spice Girls photos looking not at all under dressed and sexualised.

Plus 1 of Cher from the 70s.

[ShallWeStartTheMeeting]

I'm saddened by the normalisation of plastic surgery for young women.
I grew up in the 90s and I don't remember many popstars/models/actress with obvious fillers/botox (boob jobs were probably more common) the way they are now.
Ironically those young women end up looking older than their age.

[GingerScallop]

@Orf1abc

Sixteen year olds were wearing the same in the nineties.

You're being incredibly judgmental of other women's choices.

Do you genuinely think it's ok for a 16 year old to aspire for a boob job and being on Love Island? Do you think that they are pressured to aspire for these or its purely their choice. Just asking so I can learn and perhaps drag myself into this brave new world. What about those that starve themselves or get butt fillers in risky clinics. Is that also their true choice? Am all for women doing what they want with themselves, their careers etc. But I often feel there are areas where the choices are more to serve patriarchal or even misogynistic needs rather than women's needs. I could be wrong though. Am always trying to learn

[HollowTalk]

@Orf1abc

Sixteen year olds were wearing the same in the nineties.

You're being incredibly judgmental of other women's choices.

No they weren't. Have a look at Jade Goody on Big Brother in 2002 - none of them had a boob job, botox, tattoos, false nails or lashes - it's quite eye-opening to see how much has changed in the last 20 years.

[StrawberrySundayz]

This is disgusting. People have the right to walk outside and not have a 16 year olds boob in their face.