16 year old niece only wants money for her birthday for a boob job!

[Charlize43]

This is a bit of a rant, so apologies in advance.

I had a bit of a row last week with my Sis as her daughter, who is 16 texted me to say that she only wanted money for her birthday as she is saving up for a boob job! She doesn't look underdeveloped to me and is still growing! Giving her money for her birthday is not the issue for me, I'm more taken aback by what she wants to spend it on.

My Sis is very much of the attitude, let her do what she wants but I'm a little disappointed that she seems completely obsessed with Love Island and that particular lifestyle; influencers like Lottie Moss & Zara McDermott who promote a very sexualised image; and singers like Cardi B and Meghan thee stallion (what type of name is that?) who just seem like singing strippers to me.

I am the eldest, and when I was 16, I grew up with singers like Annie Lennox, Alison Moyet, Kate Bush, and Chrissie Hynde - women who didn't have to be half naked and sexed up to promote their music.

My niece went out last night with two of her friends: one was wearing a suit jacket with clearly nothing on underneath but a pair of shorts and every time she moved I'd get a good view of her breasts. The other wore some kind of cross over top that had both her boobs visibly hanging out from the bottom (I'm not making this up), my niece was wearing a sports bra and a pair of combat trousers. I have no idea where they were going and my sister didn't seem to care.

When did girls become so sexualised? I've never really got how it is suppose to be 'empowering' to dress like that. I didn't seem to get that memo.

Clearly I am too old to understand the younger generation but I'm seeing a lot of body obsessions, bikini pics, boob jobs, big blown up lips, posting selfies in your undies on Instagram, etc.

My niece says she'd love to go on Love Island. Is this what young people aspire to these days?

I feel like I'm the only one standing here with my mouth open. Maybe I should just shut up and go back to listening to Alison Moyet.

Does anyone else feel like this? I don't recall young women being so sexualised when I was young...

Also - female pop stars have always been pressured to dress sexier than the average. Young women on nights out these days dress like the pop stars. Young women in the 90s didn’t dress like the spice girls when we went out.

The clothes - who cares

The permanent body modifications are a massive issue though (no pun intended)

@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep

Also - female pop stars have always been pressured to dress sexier than the average. Young women on nights out these days dress like the pop stars. Young women in the 90s didn’t dress like the spice girls when we went out.

Wearing the same as what? OP talked about young women going out with their breasts exposed. You’ve posted a picture that doesn’t show this, saying women in the 90s wore the same. You’ve contradicted yourself.

@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep

Also - female pop stars have always been pressured to dress sexier than the average. Young women on nights out these days dress like the pop stars. Young women in the 90s didn’t dress like the spice girls when we went out.

Erm, yes we did!

@RJnomore1 yes

YANBU op, I wouldn’t want to contribute money to a 16 year old’s boob job. Having said that, I don’t think she’s even allowed to have it done.
Girls are under so much pressure to look a certain way, it’s unreal. Social media and internet has made that pressure even worse.
I honestly don’t understand why some people on MN can read the most sincere concern for a beloved niece and not be able to attribute it to how they’d feel if it was THEIR child. Surely no one can encourage this for a CHILD (which she still is at 16). Unreal.

I have noticed a fashion recently amongst ‘young women’ to wear tight T-shirts and no bra. That would have been an absolute nono when I was a teen (and getting less of a possibility as the years roll on). I assumed it was a fashion thing.

I think it's quite misogynistic to say young women wanting to feel happy sexualise themselves. Wanting a boob job at 16 is incredibly normal, beauty standards are incredibly high. But I'm sure the increase in girls starving themselves to get the '90's supermodel' look a few years back was also incredibly normal. If she's only 16, chances are she wouldn't find a doctor willing to go ahead with it for a few years anyway. Maybe focus more on trying to make her feel empowered in her own body, as suppose to judging and criticising.

I'd buy her a book about the suffragettes for her birthday. The last thing I'd give her is money.

OP, I completely agree with you. Completely.

And that fact that many people don't see it as a problem is simply evidence of the problem imo.

Is the minimum age for women at a Turkish clinic 17? That said, none of the post-operative patients I've seen mentioned any age checks and I've seen press reports about the issue.

@Charlize43

What does your brother say about all this?

I have had breast cancer and a double mastectomy with no reconstruction. This was totally my choice as I was offered reconstruction.

Even when women have breast cancer they are often persuaded into reconstruction by surgeons who tell them that they won't look good in a bikini or be desirable to a partner. The women who want to have a second breast removed for symmetry often have to fight for this and go through psychological appointments beforehand.

I find this truly shocking and I am so glad I had a supportive surgeon. We are so much more than a pair of breasts.

I see your point but you're approaching it I'm a very judgemental way. Cardi b and Megan the stallion might not appeal to you but I find the way you are so casually dismissive of them uncomfortable. They are worse role models out there.

In the 90s there was a clear phase of wearing absolutely nada under a suit jacket.
The 90s also saw some of the absolute worst ever body role models for young women. You were skeletal or nothing then.

16 is too young for surgery in my opinion and I'm really not keen on the tend towards surgery but I'm not judgemental about it where possible.

@marmiteloversunite

I have had breast cancer and a double mastectomy with no reconstruction. This was totally my choice as I was offered reconstruction.

Even when women have breast cancer they are often persuaded into reconstruction by surgeons who tell them that they won't look good in a bikini or be desirable to a partner. The women who want to have a second breast removed for symmetry often have to fight for this and go through psychological appointments beforehand.

I find this truly shocking and I am so glad I had a supportive surgeon. We are so much more than a pair of breasts.

Of course we are. If our breasts and the way that they look matter to us then that doesn't make us any less a woman or a feminist either though.

Surgeons could definitely handle this process better though by the sounds of it.

I'm fairly certain Kate Moss was a fan of the obvious nothing under a jacket style from way back when. But here's a selection of women from 2014.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2856572/Rihanna-Emma-Watson-showcase-bra-tuxedo-trend-British-Fashion-Awards-not-ones-bringing-risqu-style.html

In the 90s there was a clear phase of wearing absolutely nada under a suit jacket
The 90s also saw some of the absolute worst ever body role models for young women. You were skeletal or nothing then.

Absolutely- not forgetting heroin chic.

When I went out in the 90’s I wore a thin panel of material to cover my breasts and belly, then the back of it was all thin straps like a lace up thing. I bought it in River Island, DM was horrified which made it even more desirable. I thought I looked incredible.

To be fair, I probably did. That’s what youth is about.

@RJnomore1

The clothes - who cares

The permanent body modifications are a massive issue though (no pun intended)

This.

If you’re judging people for what they wear, the issue is with you.

All this talk of back in the 90s unhelpful. The world has moved on.

I am another that wanted a boon job. I was flat, flat, flat. People made comments right up to my mod twenties.
Then I took up a sport(pole fitness) where having small boobs was a huge advantage as they didn't get in the way and revert gravity. Funny enough as soon as I started feeling confident in my body the negging stopped. I met my husband around the same time though so it could just be because I was coming into contact with less dickish men.
In my experience big breasted girls were the worst for making comments. So silly as I was a tiny size and big boobs would look wrong!
Can you get her vouchers for something sneaky like burlesque, belly dancing or pole fitness? It might accidentally improve her self esteem.

@toffeebutterpopcorn

I have noticed a fashion recently amongst ‘young women’ to wear tight T-shirts and no bra. That would have been an absolute nono when I was a teen (and getting less of a possibility as the years roll on). I assumed it was a fashion thing.

When was that? I was 16 in 1975 and whilst my style in myvlate teens was hippy- dippy rather than tight t- shirt I wore Indian cottons, cheesecloth tops and dresses and velvet t- shirts quite obviously without a bra.

@TheSlayer

I am another that wanted a boon job. I was flat, flat, flat. People made comments right up to my mod twenties. Then I took up a sport(pole fitness) where having small boobs was a huge advantage as they didn't get in the way and revert gravity. Funny enough as soon as I started feeling confident in my body the negging stopped. I met my husband around the same time though so it could just be because I was coming into contact with less dickish men. In my experience big breasted girls were the worst for making comments. So silly as I was a tiny size and big boobs would look wrong! Can you get her vouchers for something sneaky like burlesque, belly dancing or pole fitness? It might accidentally improve her self esteem.

Please do not get her vouchers for burlesque.

When I was a teen in the late 90s/early 00s we were dressing like strippers for sure. But that influenced/reality TV stuff hadn’t taken hold and there was no social media. I don’t think it’s the dressing like strippers that’s the issue, it’s the endless images of a lifestyle that’s pretty vapid that’s the issue.

I have no idea what the answer is, but interested in hearing other people’s thoughts.

I don't know about burlesque to be honest, but I know in both pole and belly dancing there's an outward image of it being sexy.
Buy the reality is they're very body positive and skill based, not concerned with aesthetic much, which means that your perception of your body changes to view it as an amazing tool for moves and not just a thing to be looked at.

Women should be able to wear whatever they like without being slut shamed. Admittedly (and sounding very hypocritical) I don’t really like seeing it all hang out and I’m starting to realise it’s my own brainwashing by the patriarchy of what women should/shouldn’t be - the virgin/whore bullshit and I am trying very hard to change my perception but I’m starting to realise we can’t win.

I also think there’s no equal playing field, men don’t dress in the same way and I think it’s because women have been sooooo overly sexualised for so long and led to believe that’s what we should wear for popularity, validation, likes etc.

Why don’t men feel the need to dress in tiny outfits? Why don’t they? Because bloody everything is aimed at the male bloody gaze.