Does anyone else eat compulsively?

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Hope it's ok to post this in this section, and I hope it's not too trivial a subject. Just wondered if anyone else feels out of control around food? I eat too much almost every day and find it almost impossible not to.
I'm trying to explore the reasons why but I find it really hard to do this> Have been reading books by Geneen Roth which do help but not much. Is anoyone else in the same situation. I'm really fed up with it now. Have namechanged as I'm ashamed of myself

Did you buy the Gillian Riley book? I've had a look at her website and watched some interviews and I'm intrigued by what she's saying.

I'd like to get her book but I have a huge tendency to 'buy the book' and then not do anything with it.

Mind you - it's not that expensive..

Hi again. jayDubs did you see the earlier posts by watersign? She has looked into Gillian Riley quite a bit and been to a seminar and she also said that she's addicted to 'self-help' books so you should get on famously!

I actually didn't buy her book - I went to amazon to get it and got sidetracked as usual - ended up buying a 'classic' book on the subject called 'overcoming overeating' by Jane Hirschmann.

I'll start with that and see how I get on, I'm sure they are all working from the same basic principles which will all be new to me so I feel quite excited and 'up' at the moment.

Hi jaydubs & AnnVeronica

It is good to see you on here.

I have tried Gillian Riley, I think it failed for me as you need to NOT focus on weight loss (she talks about building self esteem by choosing NOT to eat) and I am too conditioned into wanting to loose weight to give up the diet head!

I am sure my overeating is a form of self-harm in some way.

I am on day 3 of "experiencing" the overeating feeling and trying not to react to it. Haven't been perfect, but working from home today I "only" overate a sandwhich. AND I stopped myself pouring out the cereal....

For me part of overeating is 'zoning out', it gives me a reason to remove myself from what I am doing or should be doing. So it took a lot to not eat a bowl of cereal - my original (and beloved) first and favourite overeating choice - easy to conceal volume ate, cheap, nice etc!!

This thread has helped me be brave enough to try and look at my behaviour to try to understand.

There was a point in the kitchen today (where I was working on my laptop) where I felt really manic and wanted to shove everything in there in my mouth. It was such an overwelming feeling...but it died down a bit.

gotareason managed to do your DVD? Interesting to hear about your Mum, has she ever talked to you about weight/the reasons behind? I recently "came out" to my mum, but she didn't volunteer how she feels, the same I am guessing, I think she has the same issue to me - well years of excess weight, not really getting rid of it but wanting too.

Yes, my default around my parents is to please my father, the one that didn't have much of an interest me as a child. I carry that "people pleasing" thing around with me...which means I rarely say no, over achieve, take things personally etc.

Hope you all had an ok day.

WS

Hi Watersign. I might give it a go as I think it would be quite a relief to let go of feeling I have to lose weight.

I do understand what you mean though as I am very conditioned into thinking that's what is needed.

I'm not sure what you mean about experiencing the 'feeling' of overeating. Is it something you have read about that you need to do?

I think there are people who have found her way "the answer"....I think it is worth trying these things.

I personally get a "feeling" inside, in my 'solar plexis' - I think - which is a mix of stress & anxiety prior to overeating.

I guess I get the feeling at various points during the day, but it leads to overeating when I have the opp to do so.

Sound familiar? What happens before you overeat..?

Oh this thread has me in tears. I can see so much of myself in each of you.
I too tear skin off my fingers until they are bleeding and sometimes infected.
I can literally sit and eat whole packets of biscuits and barely remember the taste. I just get an overwhelming compulsion to eat. Something dh just can't understand, he just says well stop, do something else but I feel it is literally out of my control.
It doesn't matter how hard I try to keep 'treats' out of the house, I will find something to binge on, anything.
I have a childhood issue but not suffered abuse.
I am absolutely terrified that I will pass my eating issues on to my children, particularly my daughter.
I am chronically lonely and eat because of it but don't have the confidence or energy to seek out new friends (I do have a small group of friends)
I sometimes look to the future and wonder if I can go on. I feel so empty and my life (which on paper is so good) seems so pointless. I have a wonderful dh and two amazing children. They keep me here but they don't know how I feel on the inside.

watersign - that's me too. This overwhelming feeling and my response is to go to the cupboards/fridge. What are you telling yourself to stop this....I can delay it, but it is like a drug addiction, the strength of the feeling.

Or sometimes just eating a meal kicks it off.....I eat and am compelled to eat more. I just keep going and going and going, and then I go and make myself sick.

If only I wasn't at home, near the kitchen most of the day, however in a strange way, it means I really have to address this....as do want to be able to bake with the kids without worrying about devouring it.

DD was asking where all the jaffa cakes had gone

Oh jojajill - you almost have me in tears. Oh honey, welcome to our site. There must be a life beyond food - I think we all want to be free of this 'hold' over our lives.

also jojajill - I really relate to what you say about your life 'on paper'. Sometimes I think I could write down two versions of my life story, and nobody would ever recognise they are the same person. After I did two years of therapy to recover from the very sad prison I living in (in my head), I hinted about the dramatic change to my friends post counselling, but I had done such a good cover up job that many either looked at me in bewilderment or I suspect thought I was exaggerating. I cannot believe how beautiful my children are....my dp is a bit of a nightmare at times, but we have a lovely house, a promising life and yet why do I do this still?

Oh JoJaJill so sorry to hear feel you feel so bad.

I think we can all indentify with your feelings. You aren't alone...

Have you ever tried counselling? Did it help? The OP talked about going to the Dr's etc.

I am worried about passing my bad eating habits on, but I think some of the people on this thread come from parents who "didn't overeat", so it might not always follow they will copy us....but obv better not to risk it.

Watersign - thanks for explaining what you mean. I hope you don't mind me asking.

JoJaJill - it all sounds pretty overwhelming for you.

I personally don't get such feelings which compel me to overeat. I just seem to find myself heading for the cupboards when I know that I don't need anything. The result is that I sometimes feel I've been eating all day and it will come to quite a large amount overall.

I think that's one of the reasons I can't work out if what I do is disordered or not. I guess it is as I'm certainly eating a lot more than I need.

Forgive me for the analogy but I wonder if it's similar to someone not knowing if they're being abused or not if physical violence isn't involved. I wonder if what I'm doing is the equivalent of psychological abuse which can be more difficult to recognise but is just as destructive.

This is more complex than I thought but it's helping to write things down.

Hi jojajill - sorry that you are feeling so bad on the inside and I think we can all relate to that, that's why it's great to at least be able to let it out here. Do you confide in your friends at all? Personally I have not talked about my compulsive eating to anyone else and it's only recently that I've come to realise that that is what it is.

For years I was able to control my weight by a lot of exercise and crash diets and that masked the eating disorder. Now I seem not to be willing or able to diet like that any more and so people are finally seeing the 'fat' me. I think I am also losing my fear of that word being applied to me as well - all through my childhood it was considered the absolute worst thing that you could say about anyone due to my dad's issues.

Do you feel you can talk to your GP about how bad you are feeling? I would definitly make a start there asking about counselling or support group as you sound very low. In a way it doesn't matter whether you talk about this issue or about the other compulsive things you do as they are all likely to stem from the same problem.

watersign - I did the DVD yesterday for the first time and found it a tough 20 mins! I was a bit taken aback at how 'basic' the exercises seem - I've done a lot of aerobics in the past and so I'm used to a more inventive workout - this was more like army basic training (might be exaggerating a tadge) but I defer to her experience.

Thanks for the replies.
gotareason- I haven't spoken to my GP, I'm just too scared to go down that route again. I have had CBT in the past. It did help but I'm not sure I can face going through that again. I can't help feeling in my heart that I'm just a greedy pig who ought to be able to stop this myself.
I do try to talk to my friends but it's shameful to admit just how much I am eating. We have the sympathetic/jokey 'oh I can't just eat one jaffa cake' talks but I can see they aren't in the same mindset as me.

My mum seems to be in a similar mind to your dad. In her mind fat=bad thin=good. She likes to blame getting fat on having me and db but I think it's the perpetual supplies of biscuit and cakes that have kept her that way! She has put such pressure on me to keep slim (as she couldn't) - which I have never so from aged 18yrs I know I have failed in her eyes. If I told her this though she'd deny it and launch into a spiel about how wonderful I am but the fat=bad thing is too ingrained in her to make her believable. Wow, I do sound bitter, you see what I am writing is what I desperately hope to never see my daughter writing.

Anyway enough wittering. Just writing helps and maybe I'll be brave enough to go to the doctor sometime soon.

jojajill - Witter on kid! Witter as much as you like, I find it all fascinating and so familiar. It does help doesn't it? I feel really so much better internally for being able to come here - it's a subtle change and I'm not expecting a 'cure' anytime soon but it's just great to have a break from the overwhelming tension and negativity that have been haunting me lately.

Even into old age and desperate ill-health my dad is still obsessed with his weight and self-loathing about it and trying to diet. I feel so sorry for him and so angry at him it's a combustible combination. Just goes to show what a fierce hold these things have on you no matter how strong you might be in other areas - he has been a very successful businessman and known as a tough customer.

I'm sorry the CBT was so upsetting for you - perhaps it was the wrong type of therapy? There are many kinds after all even tho CBT tends to be the most recommended at the moment it's bound to suit some and not others.

I have remembered a book that I found very comforting in the past - it's called 'full catastrophe living' by Jon Kabat Zinn. It's based around meditation practice but it's totally religion-free and is concerned with focusing and calming your mind to give relief from depression/anger/panic etc There is a lovely film of him on YouTube giving a guided meditation with a group which you could use at home if you can get a bit of time to yourself - I recommend it.

So interesting to hear your stories. I agree. I was so wary of all these thoughts going around and around inside my head, with no outlet for them.

The other problem that in so many other people's minds fat=bad, although tbh when I am really happy, regardless of size, it is amazing how many 'looks' I get from passers by which I think is reassuring (for the human race, that deep down people actually enjoy looking at happy people first and foremost).

My mother weighed herself every morning and would tell us about the outcome. She would say she couldn't eat cake, but would then couldn't resist, although to be fair her problems didn't seem great - she could eat just half a piece of cake and leave the rest. But she did go on a lot about calories, and I really don't want my daughter to know what a calorie is for a long time to come, and I never ever talk about good foods or bad foods, just like her to eat a variety of things.

I used to loath my body - so much so I would feel violently ill. After therapy I grew to love myself much more so now it is more of a sadness that I could be so much healthier, happier, fitter and more of a sporty size. I've always loved sport and naturally (underneath) have a lovely figure. I also want to live a long life as have had children at 40 so I'm aware of the longevity reasons of loosing kilos (I am 82kilo and 5.5ft at the moment so chubby).

Thanks to you girls on this thread (and especially watersign), I managed to throw away the last 1.5 sausages from kids dinner that I was on the verge of eating, and am currently strongly resisting the urge to eat the Red Sky Anglesey Salt crisps (around 600calories) in the kitchen. Instead will have two glasses of rose wine and then go to bed.

I'm also making progress in my head. I am more and more thinking the eating is hugely tied to avoidance of realising my dreams of setting up my own business. I have got so close and chickened out. Also, I absolutely lost it at the weekend and screamed blue murder at my dp for doing something I've been asking him not to do for 5 years. I felt great the next day, really amazing, and realise there is a bunch of stuff I've been bottling up and have to come out with. I think it will help.

I agree gotareason - not expecting a 'cure' from this, but it is a great help and I'm in a better place for being here. Interested in your 'full catastrophe living' recommendation. I must take a look. My therapy involved me talking endlessly and my cousellor listening. She just asked endless questions and never commented. She frustrated me at the time because I was looking for someone to give me answers but on hindsight it was perfect for me. What is CBT - is hypnotherapy involved? Is it mainly about events as a child. Is it when severe trauma has occurred and finding an outlet for releasing it?

opps - cross post strawberry.

You poor dear - loosing your fiancee at such a young age. That is just so very very sad. Our hearts are so big and tender and beautiful at that age and to have found such a strong love at that age, and then loose it..oh what a relief that your friend found you, as now you have so much.

Do you often wonder why you started so young straw? I first wanted to kill myself at the age of 9. Each day was too painful and I couldn't bear it.

Again, it's just freeky hearing someone else say what are my darkest secrets....although they aren't in fact secrets in a way...because I never actually really acknowledged what was going on and had the most selective memory. I've never told anyone and it was only when I saw the movie 'The Secretary' that it dawned on me what was happening.

BTW - in order to resist the crisps next door I have eaten four little beetroots!!!! But yes, I can find ANYTHING in the house when I want to. Do you all eat and replace, and lie a lot? Isn't it hard work when you go to replace a box of biscuits you have eaten at Christmas time and find they have all sold out (till next Christmas). I've been online and travelled miles out of my way to find the exact food to replace.

And like you say straw - I just self labelled myself weak willed and greedy...and maybe a bit lost.

Also, as an aside, it is interesting how strongly you want to be a SAHM. I was the same, and stunned my partner who saw me very much as a career woman. Even though as you know, it is far from easy, and 'we' struggle finding a balance between ourselves and the world, I felt so 'important' for the first time (as C's mummy) and wanted to make absolutely sure she was confident and happy. And ironic that now DC2 is almost 1, I have an equally strong urge to get out and work and refind myself after devoting 5 years to my children.

To answer an earlier question, CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) is only one of many different approaches to therapy. The reason a lot is heard about it is that at the moment it's the only one that has much degree of government funding. Problem is that the NHS only then tends to offer 6 sessions of therapy which in my experience is not nearly enough to get to the bottom of long held beliefs and problems.

There are many different charities and private counsellors which many different approaches to therapy and it is definitely a case of finding the right person and approach for you (in fact vital in my opinion).

I would always recommend getting support of some sort with long held issues. One thing I have learned throughout my training is that it is very very difficult to see your own behaviour even when you know what to look for in others.

I wonder if we are all in this position because we have assumed that we are just 'weakwilled and greedy'. I know I have often thought that about myself and assume other people think it about me too.

I fully accept that I am responsible for changing the way I am but it would be wonderful to not look at myself as weakwilled and greedy. Maybe I'm not?

Emphatically not jaydubs, any more than an alcoholic is someone who 'can't handle their drink'. 'Will' doesn't seem to have anything to do with it in my case as there is no conscious decision on my part to deal with my problems through eating or dieting. I am still waiting for my book to be delivered so I am hoping to find some 'coping mechanisms' in there to recognise triggers and patterns.

Something that slightly concerns me tho - and I expect there is probably a name for this in therapy - but what happens if I control my eating but the underlying problems are still there? Will the focus shift to another type of 'outlet' behaviour? A number of posters have mentioned self-harming which is something I haven't done since early teens.

Taking my dad as an example (again) - as well as his weight issues he also suffered from severe asthma in his teens and 20's. Eventually it was brought under control with the use of inhalers which were a new inovation then. At the time this happened his GP apparently said to him ' you realise that now this is under control you will probably develop some other nervous condition to compensate?' Within months he was being hospitalised with terrible Psoriasis.

jojajill I hope you are feeling a bit stronger today.

Hi all

Hope your weeks have been ok.

I often worry about what will replace the overeating. I was even thinking about taking up smoking (I very occassionally smoked socially years ago) the other day in a moment of madness. I won't!

I think for me, the only logical thing is exercize, and I need to start thinking the same things about that, that I do about overeating - stress relief, outlet for frustration etc. I have never done Alan Carr re food, but I paid for my bro to attend an Alan Carr Stop Smoking workshop (pushing my self-help love onto him!) and reading up on it, I found that the whole thing is about challenging the beliefs you have about smoking - eg relaxes you, well actually it raises your blood pressure etc. So, maybe there is something there about challenging what we get from overeating...Gillian Riley/Eating Less is a bit like that too.

Been manically preparing for our holiday. Looking forward to the break, feel a bit anxious about the "all you can eat" buffet. Although as others have said about themselves, I am v good at eating like a "sparrow" in public for fear of looking like the greedy fat person stuffing her face. But as it is an all inclusive holiday, if I don't eat the buffet then there won't be anything else! Although I could see us buying 'snacks' for the room, I might try to not do that this year, I don't really need to eat half a giant bag of crips..

I feel sad that on another holiday here I am wearing the same set of 'fat' summer clothes. Every holiday I vow next year will be different....

On a more positive note, I have been ok on the eating front this week as have been so busy. And I managed to get the gym, albiet just once. gotareason well done on the DVD, the reviews on amazon said it was difficultl, so well done for finishing it.

Anyway, probably cannot post again until we are back from the weeks break.

Hope you have a good week.

Thanks for being here and sharing. This thread has really had a positive impact on me.

WS

Have a lovely holiday watersign - bet your little ds is excited! I would try to just relax about the food thing as much as possible - it's a holiday after all so you don't want to spoil it worrying. You can make a determined start on the problem when you get back.
Definitely agree that exercise is an important factor in dealing with this - i feel stronger and calmer for doing just that 20 mins of the DVD 4 times this week.

Hi all,

I had a glitch on Tuesday night but been feeling good since then and have even gone to bed twice on the hungry side and managed to stop myself eating something. I even felt good being a little hungry, so I am making big steps I feel.

Talking here has definitely helped.

I am thinking of training for a 10km run in September. Just an idea, but maybe a good goal to have right now?

Have a lovely holiday WS - I am off in two weeks and look enormous - it is so many years that I wore shorts - oh how I would love to wear shorts again.

vR

Hi all, I would really like to join this thread.

I had some very serious childhood issues (bipolar single mother, growing up in near-poverty, acted more like the parent myself than the child, neglect and abuse until age 12) - then at age 12 moved in with fairly wealthy but emotionally detached grandparents who provided for me financially and got me out of the hellhole with my mother.

Problems with food didn't really start until 5 or so years ago when I first identified as gay. Was causing me so much shame and pain at the time (growing up in Middle America, all friends/family staunchly Christian and anti-gay) food was a release.

I too, strawberry had issues with cutting, culminating in a night 4 years ago in which I both cut so deep I now have a hideous 2-inch scar on my forearm that I'm so embarrassed about today; and took half a bottle of sleeping pills, it ended in a trip to the hospital and very nearly institutionalization (is that a word?!). I talked myself out of that one - 19-year-olds can do anything! - and calmed it down, met my DP 3.5 years ago, and have been happy ever since (no more cutting, etc.)

DP had anorexia from age ~13 (talk about us having food ishoos!) and was hospitalized several times throughout adolescence. After meeting me, and after I got us both into a healthy eating pattern, I felt compelled to MAKE SURE she ate well, which as you guessed - has now led to us both overeating.

It used to be just sweets; chocolate, cake, cookies, ice cream. Now if there's something particularly savoury (bbq chicken, chicken fingers, meatloaf, literally anything), I'll eat about 3 portions of it and encourage DP to do the same. We've both acknowledged we have a problem, and now DP is 11 weeks pregnant so we want to get all this under control for our new family.

I, too, like another poster - sorry can't remember which one of you it is! - choose 'unidentifiable' options now, like cereal, bread/toast, chicken, pasta, even vegetables. I'm a size 18-20, having gone up from a 10 only 2 years ago. Stretch marks are hideous and another very new development (3 months ago) that have me stressed and determined to kick this. I also do the picking skin from fingers, feet, and occasionally chew my cheeks (sounds sooo disgusting) - never thought this was related to overeating.

Sorry for writing a life story - but it's so good to know there are others out there!

Hi, can I join in? I have had low self-esteem since I was a young child thanks to a combination of being bullied by a girl at my school from age 7-14 and my father refusing to ever let me have any friends over to play. I hit puberty at age 9 and began comfort-eating; my Mum and sister are also comfort-eaters. I also have some other nervous habits, including picking at my teeth and gums. I have been a SAHM for the last 7 years and it is getting worse as I spend so much time alone in the house. I am trying to get up the courage to go to the GP - I want to tell them the bare minimum to get referred for some counselling/ CBT. Would it be enough to say that I have low self-esteem that has led to comfort eating and I would like help to be more confident and thus stop the over-eating? DH thinks I should just join the gym .