Does anyone else eat compulsively?

[noteasyformetopostthis]

Hope it's ok to post this in this section, and I hope it's not too trivial a subject. Just wondered if anyone else feels out of control around food? I eat too much almost every day and find it almost impossible not to.
I'm trying to explore the reasons why but I find it really hard to do this> Have been reading books by Geneen Roth which do help but not much. Is anoyone else in the same situation. I'm really fed up with it now. Have namechanged as I'm ashamed of myself

Yay to that. Sorry to be argumentative - that's another thing I don't seem able to control but I don't want to undermine what's working for you noteasy.

As has been said already, everyone is going to have to find what's right for them and that will be as individual as people are. It's interesting to see from this thread that there are even many different types of compulsive eating - some planned binges, some uncontrolled overeating set off by particular foods, some immediate reactions to upset or a need to make yourself feel something like pain without actually harming and probably many other kinds.

gotareason - yes, I agree - it is a bit of an eye opener.

I wonder how many people would respond if this topic was posting on the 'dieting' thread?

Hi venetian - yes, I am glad noteasy posted this here as to me my overeating is definitely a mental health issue but I bet if anyone did a survey of attitudes it would turn out to be a very blurry line between those who feel like we do and those who see their weight probs as a need to find the right diet or a weakness for chocolate or whatever.

Yes, I agree. I finally admitted, it is simply not a matter of being unable to successfully diet, however I feel just being able to chat about the issues surrounding it here and thinking about it more and trying to figure out what I am actually battling and why, is really helpful.

For me though, it is more stress release than dieting. If my ds cries for more than 10 minutes I reach for food. If something gets stressful, I reach for chocolate.

I managed to buy some chocolate tonight but only have two pieces and give it away to my dp instead of sneakily eating it all. Just a small thing, but shows I am feeling a bit better.

Hi Venetianred, my DS2 is 8 months and cries A LOT. My DS1 is 4, very loud and dramatic and was diagnosed with epilepsy in Jan which I have found extremely upsetting. There is at least one point in every day when I just feel totally stressed to the point where I am going to explode - this is the point where I shovel down a load of cake/biscuits etc Then because I am so fat now, I hate myself even more and feel even less deserving of kindness. Today I have overeaten a lot and now I feel like I have 'failed' for the day

I am hoping that things will have improved by next year. Fingers crossed we will find effective meds for DS1, he will be happy at school and DS2 will be over 1 so will cry less. Well - that's the plan anyway!

Just time for a quick post before bed.

KorkiiFeffenkrakers sorry to hear about DS1. Have you sought support for that outside of medicine - ie a charity/support group? Might be good to meet others who are 'living proof' of what a normal life you can lead with epilepsy. Must be so overwelming.

Venetianred well done on the moderation with the chocolate NEVER easy!!!

Really interesting to hear about triggers. I am sure mine is a mixture: stress relief, habit and avoidance of doing something/not doing something.

I generally 'reach' for stuff that cannot be easily detected - cereal, bread and then multipacks of cakes. I don't often "shop to binge" but I think that is because I am so creative at what I am prepared to overeat. I have even thought about the block of cake icing sitting at the back of the cupboard - yuck!!!

Not sure any of my trips to the therapists really helped address how to phyically stop overeating, we investigated self esteem etc.

The "don't diet books" I have mentioned in earlier posts all suggest that you just "feel" the feeling. Which is something new to me, I always believed "this feeling" was in control and "made me" overeat. Feeling it isn't nice, but if there is any habit in what I do, it might be a way to break it.

I have found this thread very helpful. Just to talk about it and hear what others have to say.

noteasyformetopostthis hope you decide to go for your appt if that is what you decide is best. Thinking of you. Thanks for starting this thread, you have helped us all - be kind to yourself, you have been kind to us

Night.

yes ws that is a fair summary for me to I suspect: stress relief, (reassuring) habit and avoidance - although I struggle to get to the bottom of the avoidance one but do feel it is tied up somehow - avoidance maybe of dealing with important issues and getting on with my life the way I envisaged it would be (and naturally, in perfect 'envisaging' world, no one bites their finger nails or binge eats - do they). In 'how I envisage myself' world, we are fulfilled, warm inside, loved and love, happy in what we set out to achieve etc etc.

Also I find a bit of a buzz from the wonderful enjoyment of delicious food but without the horrific weight gain. So I get to eat lots of lovely things that send lots of lovely endorphines (or whatever) into my head, which I still remember/get satisfaction from, even after I've got rid of the food.

korkii - my mum has epilepsy - a fairly mild version. She got it when she was 33 - I remember the first one as I was only 3 but I was in the kitchen with her when she dropped all the roast potatoes and collapsed and Dad whisked me out of the kitchen. It was never talked about, and we were never told what to do, so when she had another one when I was about 7 and it was just little brother, mum and I at home, it was frightening to be the one in charge of ringing around to find some adults to help. Hopefully early diagnosis means that it will always be 'normality' to your ds. Getting it later in life meant my mother always felt she was 'flawed' and took it really badly. I imagine it fills you with fear at times. Have you talked to many other parents who have children with epilepsy?

A quick update from me. After a bad session on Thurs, have been actively trying to just "feel the feeling" and not act on it. Only on day 2.5 but have managed it so far...

It feels HORRIBLE!!! but I am trying to reason that it is no worse than I feel after a binge, plus it has the benefits of not contributing to weight gain & clogged arteries.

Doing WW whilst I do this. I know the convention from most sensible people is that ddiets don't work, but I think I am so clueless as to what "normal eating" is I think it has to help....but we'll see.

But not sure how long I can keep it up for...will see.

Hope you all having a good weekend

Hi watersign nice to see you back here - been a quiet week, perhaps it's the lovely weather. Sorry to hear you had a bad time on thursday and I hope you can keep to what you have resolved to do, it sounds like an important step to have got to and I might try the same if I'm feeling brave!

I am waiting for my book on overeating to be delivered from Amazon - looking forward to it as I have read a few self-help books but none specifically on this subject.

Have also bought an exercise DVD for the first time in ages - '30 day shred' - after reading about it in the 'big slim' thread. It's only 20 mins per day so even I can manage that with no excuses! I know I can't start a diet as it always causes a massive backlash after a couple of weeks but I can at least be fitter and healthier.

Hi all,

Sorry I've had visitors. Now what you mean gotareason - I want to diet but scared of the 'backlash' as you call it.

watersign - that seems a sensible start. I'm sure there must be smart things to do when you feel like bingeing, like looking at photos of when you have been really happy and at peace with yourself or something.

Be back on board tomorrow.

Hi there gotareason

Good to hear from you too.

'30 day shred' sounds good. Jillian certainly looks fit and healthy, the reviews on amazon (what did we do before we had others to review things for us!) look really good.

I have one of Davina's DVDs amongst my collection and it is quite good.

Skinny husband has bought a wii fit, but have yet to use it. All looks a bit alien!

I have found skipping good in the past to, but it depends if you have access to a garden and how over looked it is

I was doing really well and going to the gym twice a week, which is all I could really manage with a young child and working 4 days a week, but have stopped. You have spurred me on to try to get to the gym at least once this week.

Hi venetianred, that was a bit werid, I couldn't see your post before I posted mine...we must have "cross posted".

What does having people to stay do to your eating? For me it can mean forced control, but I generally find a reason to be in the fridge alone!

The Eating Less book talked a lot about the social aspects of food. And that to "offer plenty" is seen as good manners etc. And that giving chocolates as gifts of thanks is the norm...yet actually for me a box of chocolates, if I am honest is an 'unhelpful' gift...

Even today my parents had rowed and I thought about buying some cakes for when I went around there "to make it all better". Managed to stop myself (as nobody in my family needs another cake!), but shows me where I get some of my 'norms' from!

Chat soon.

Didn't manage to get back on yesterday - end of half-term chaos,house upside-down eek - was hoping to have a chat so will have to catch up whenever. Not usually up at this time but it's another lovely morning with the birds tweeting so I thought I'd celebrate by - burning my eyes out on the computer!

God yes, those presents of boxes of chocs - my heart just sinks whenever someone gives me one. I'm trying to smile and look delighted but inside I'm thinking, can I get away with sticking this in the nearest bin because I know it's going to precipitate a disaster.

Worse than that my skinny dp is a right chocoholic and tends to celebrate weekends by coming back from the local shop with armloads of biscuits and choc bars and ice-cream, blast him. I actually haven't got that bad a sweet tooth if left to my own devices but when someone's shoving it under your nose you'd have to be made of iron to avoid it.
Do you find yourself in the role of peacemaker a lot watersign? Must be stressful for you. Food is key to our family as well, for celebration and solace, as I suppose it is in most societies which is all fine as long as your reactions to food are 'normal'.

I find my mum fascinating in that respect because she often went very hungry as a kid and is obsessed with food, loves cooking and finding new delicious things in the shops or enjoying favourite treats (on a custard tart tip at the mo') and yet has never been overweight, never overeats, just enjoys a normal portion and stops.

Hi
I've hestitated quite a lot before posting but have eventually decided I should perhaps just start typing and see what comes out.

I have wondered for a long time if my eating is disordered but I don't really know.

I am about 3 stone overweight and find it so so hard to lose weight. I've done the same as others have done, Slimming World, Weight Watchers, hypnosis, running etc etc. Now after doing as fairly intensive exercise regime at the gym for 2 months and losing the grand total of 2 pounds I just can't bear it any more.

The irony of some of this is that I am only a few weeks away from qualifying as a counsellor and I can't quite believe I'm yet again feeling hellish about myself because of my weight.

I have had various types of therapy but I guess I've never actually addressed the food thing properly. I was not abused as a child and as far as I can work out there's not much in my background which has led to my unhealthy eating pattern.

I'm not even sure if this is making much sense but I guess I'm looking for support and wondering where to go next.

Thanks for listening.

Hi Jay Dubs,

I have just come out of the closet and realised it must be more than a lack of restraint - or 'no willpower' as people love to say. As gotareason says, why do some people just eat and stop when they are full, while people like us eat exponentially (I mean 1 portion becomes 4 then 9 then 25) - what part of me wants so much and why does my brain encourage me to keep going?

Just to introduce myself - this is my history....

As a child my mother was very strict about not having sweets or lollies in the house. Then I went away to school which was a place full of young girls dieting stupidly and slowly developing crazy eating patterns and almost certainly eating disorders. If you overate at school, friends would casually recommend to go to the loo and get rid of it. It just seemed the normal thing for everyone to do.

And I guess from then on sometimes I would comfort eat and do nothing about it, but if I was dieting or eating far too much, I would nip off to the loo to get rid of it.

I had low self esteem for quite a few years and I guess I thought it was always associated with that. After I had some lengthy and fabulous counselling I thought it would stop, but it hasn't really. I can go a long time without doing it, but this year has been really bad (I suspect a combination of 1. having stopping breastfeeding but still having the urge to eat a lot 2. having a wedding I want to slim for at the end of the year and 3. Having a father with Alzheimers). Also, a young son who seems to be always sick or teething (therefore crying) seems to drive me to the shop for a large cake of chocolate to address the headache that comes from it. This week has been possibly the worst ever, I have been sick every day, for up to four times a day. I just have this almost insane urge to keep shovelling food in my mouth.

I have finally realised this is no longer 'normal' and as I also severely bite my nails and compulsively twirl my hair I wonder if there is a self harm element to all this. Also, it does feel very compulsive when I am doing it, and very intense with a great feeling of 'release' afterwards. There must be some kind of chemical rush in your head or something. Maybe two 'rushes' the buzz of all that sugar and then the rush of getting rid of it. Is it an addiction in a way?

The thing is, in most respects I am happier than I've ever been and one of the more cheerful, active mums at my daughters nursery. Being referred to the community mental health team would feel ridiculous. All these habits feel like my way of coping with stress, nothing more pyschologically complex than that. But then in another respect, it is beginning to feel like a crazy thing to be doing to myself.

Does any of that ring bells jaydubs?

Hi Venetianred

Thanks for your response. You know, I do have a habit of picking at the skin round my thumbs (sometimes till they bleed) and also the dry skin on my lips and my feet (sounds disgusting written down). Are these things related?

You seem to have an awful lot to deal with just now.

I think one of my questions about whether or not my eating is disordered is that I have never made myself sick and I'm not sure if what I do could be said to be a binge - I don't know. What I do know is that how much I ate yesterday is the first thing I think about when I wake up and also how big my stomach feels is the second thing I think about.

I also have a tendency to drink too much sometimes and have wondered if I drink to allow myself to eat more.

I'm beginning to realise I'm more confused than I thought.

Hi venetian and jayDubs. Hope you enjoyed your visitors venetian - you sound like a sociable type so probably did although as watersign observed it can be a bit of a strain if you feel you have to adapt eating habits to cover up.

I do all my overeating in private and am one of those who tends not to eat much if I go out anywhere. That's something I've noticed in a few overweight friends as well, that they will sit and eat tiny portiions and deny themselves dessert either because they feel self-conscious about being the 'fat person stuffing their face' or because they are trying to mask overeating which is my case.

It will be nice to have the perspective of someone who has trained in counselling jayDubs, whatever your issues, so don't feel bad that you still have these problems - for one thing it should help make you more empathetic! Also, as venetian pointed out, she is known as cheerful active person and I think it is perfectly possible for such things to co-exist.

When you say you sometimes drink too much do you mean alcohol?

Hi Gotareason. Yes I do mean alcohol. I know I'm not at the point where that's a problem but I do know they're related somewhere.

Do you find you tend to interchange between overeating phases and alcohol phases?

That's a good question and actually no - they co-exist. I can control what I'm eating to a certain extent but when I have a couple of glasses of wine then I find myself eating a lot more like crisps, cheese etc without thinking about it.

Then I feel like sh*t the next day and beat myself up about it.

Hmm....

Interesting isn't it? I don't binge as such but I just seem to need to be constantly snacking and can nibble my was through a phenomenal amount of food throughout the day. My Dad is just the same (have mentioned him in earlier posts) and I feel pretty certain that it is a security thing - feeling safe as long as there's food.

I also find that I can comfortably go quite a long time without eating but once I start that seems to set something off and I just can't stop the snacking - even if I have a full meal at dinner I'll be back at the fridge 30 mins later looking for some little thing...

Do you think this is more your type of overeating?

I've just discovered this thread and feeling a bit tearful, recognising my own behaviour in many of your posts

I've been overeating and bingeing since early childhood. I have sought help before, things improved for a while, but I seem to have slipped back into my old ways.

I habitually pull my hair out, pick scabs, pick off all the dry skin on my feet, I do all these so unconsciously I barely realise I'm actually doing it. I'd never considered that doing these things may be linked to my overeating -until I read this thread?

Am really glad I've found this. It helps enormously to know there are other people who do what I do. It makes me feel slightly less ashamed.

Hi AV I'm glad yo've found your way here - it is proving a great support to a lot of us. I've got to go now but I hope the others will be on later to chat.

Please don't feel ashamed - there is a reason why you do what you do and at least it's only yourself that you're hurting unlike many other troubled people.

Gotareason - you've hit the nail on the head actually - that's a lot more like what I do. And actually both my parents are the same. My mum has always struggled in much the same way as me (not sure what she feels about it inside though - not something we'd ever discuss). My dad just carries on and nothing really bothers him so I guess he's got it sussed in one way.

Hi AV - someone told me years ago that habits like hair pulling, picking etc are anxious behavours related to self-harming. I guess overeating might be looked at in the same way? I think I'll have a look into it.