Does anyone else eat compulsively?

[noteasyformetopostthis]

Hope it's ok to post this in this section, and I hope it's not too trivial a subject. Just wondered if anyone else feels out of control around food? I eat too much almost every day and find it almost impossible not to.
I'm trying to explore the reasons why but I find it really hard to do this> Have been reading books by Geneen Roth which do help but not much. Is anoyone else in the same situation. I'm really fed up with it now. Have namechanged as I'm ashamed of myself

Count me in for the support thread. Have some thoughts which I'll post later.

Oh yes, have read all manner of self help books, also NLP books, cds and dvds (tony robinson is fab!) but they don't help.

The more I understand myself and my thinking the more frustrating it is that I don't seem to be able to change my thinking!

Hi ladies, just thought I'd check into this thread today. I'm really interested int he fact that all us compulsive eaters share a lot of traits eg abusive childhoods/cutting/sef harming/obsessive and destructive behaviour. It really reinforces my recent thoughts that my compulsive eating is part of a self harming thing rather than just being greedy. Also, strangely, I also use food as comfort so it seems to exist in my life for two separate things.

Does anyone else use food to 'relax' so that you eat hard and fast and sort of swallow the food in slightly hurtful lumps so that it kind of negates the stressy feeling in your chest? (Or am I totally odd?)

Hello?

Tumbleweed blows across my screen

Hello all

Interesting to read your posts, thanks for sharing.

I too overeat. I think I have since early teens, but it might have been earlier. My size has fluctuated from a 16 through to a 24, currently 20 trying to get down. I have a wardrobe for each size

Think mine is linked to low self-esteem developed partly due to my emotionally absent father.

I have tried lots of things; hypnosis, nutritionist, counselling x 3 different therapists, Overeaters Anon, numerous self help books, self help courses and the usual Weight watchers & Slimming World visits.

I have only really been able to talk about it fairly recently (last couple of years)considering how long it has been going on.

One of my issues is I want a quick fix. And everything I try works (and by that I mean I cease over eating and loose a little weight) initially, and then when it doesn't I give up and eat more...

A bit of a light bulb moment for me recently was on the Eating Less course delivered by Gillen Riley. Her book basically says overeating is due to an addiction to eating. I don't agree with all that is in her book, but her view that "you can actually separate your negative self esteem issues from the action of overeating" was a bit of a revelation to me. I was so overwhelmed with the thought that I needed to ?completely fix me? before I could possibly ever stop overeating...it gave me a bit of hope that there was a way. Having said that I do agree that the issues do need addressing in someway.

Overeaters Anon was mentioned earlier. I found it useful for a while, even if just from the point of view that you sit in a room full of "normal looking" people who all share the same problem as you - ie you aren't alone. But I found the idea of the 12 steps a bit daunting.

Anyway it is good to share. Lets hope we all find our own solution.

WS76

I am very impressed with all you have tried in order to deal with this watersign and interesting to hear from someone who has actually been to OA as I was asking about it earlier in the thread and in a way I am relieved that you found the 12 steps daunting as that was my feeling as well. Although this problem is definitely an addiction I don't think it helps to approach it in exactly the same way as Alcohol addiction. Thanks for the info on Gillen Riley - I've just looked her up and I think I'll order the book from Amazon as a start. Good luck to you.

Thanks.

I went to her seminar too, and I felt very into it, as did the rest of the group judging by the number of emails flying about afterwards...but that has since died off. But like with all these things you need to find what "talks" to you.

I stopped going to OA as I lost some weight and then put some on - so for me it had stopped working. Plus I also shared some of your concerns about it taking over - ie replacing one addiction with another. My bro is in AA and goes to loads of meetings, but he has stayed sober & seems happy, so who I am to question what he does with his time.

There were people there who swore by it and had been "free" for years from overeating. They do also offer online meetings, which were handy if you couldn't get to a meeting.

I just think about the money my overeating has cost me (wardrobes of clothes) and my army of therapists and the books & seminars....mind bending!

Currently reading Beyond Chocolate at the mo. They, along with Gillen & Paul McKenna say diets don't work. BC is all about eating when hungry and eating what you want & being nice to yourself.

I am just not sure I can bear to let go of the need to diet though. If I removed the compulsive eating from my diet I am actually ok at dieting!

I hadn't really thought about going to my GP, sounds like you might gotareason?

I am guessing they'll refer to a therapist. What I felt got in the way with previous therapists I have seen is their need to make a living. I was always worried about them stringing it out etc. I do know it is a business, but it can feel a bit unbalanced. If the NHS pay, it might give it more structure - ie they have x sessions to help you....

WS76

Yes - some things just seem to click for some people and not others so I suppose that's just human and I am always waiting for that 'eureka' moment when I realise I've found what works - perhaps that in itself is the wrong approach as you pointed out in the first post - thinking that you had to be completely 'fixed'. Interesting you say you don't want to let go of the need to diet and that you are ok at it - therapist would probably highlight that as a way of having control in you life by creating a perfect perpeptual circle of weight gain and loss...or something like that! I seem to have reached a point where I just can't diet any more and that's why I've got so heavy and why finally I've had to accept that there's something deeper going on that I need to look into although I am not totally optimistic about the outcome - I've had a bit of therapy for other problems and my trouble is that I am so very very critical of others as well as myself that I tend to find a reason not to want to listen to the therapist after the first few sessions. I sympathise about the cost issue as well - I'm utterly skint so the NHS is my only option.

I am sure you'll find "something" in exploring why, even if not the total answer.

Reaching the point you have, might mean you'll have success with the various books/programmes that say 'don't diet'. They do make so much sense, I just cannot shake my need for eating control. I think I just worry if I don't I'll end up even bigger than I am. Although a short recent stint on WW saw me gain a few pounds..humm...that isn't meant to happen!

Yes, I am control freak/perfectionist in most aspects of my life, which why I am so annoyed at myself that eating is so out of control.

Having said that having a baby has forced me to let go of the perfection holy grail that I was always chasing, which is definately a good thing. Over the years I have had people say to me in response to something I had done wrong "Oh, so you aren't perfect"...which just makes me cringe.

I really want to improve my relationship with food before my DS realises that I am fat, must eat a lot etc. I also worry about my attitude to treats and his diet. Do you worry about your DC?

Well I might be a bit complacent but ds is nearly 11 and has inherited his dad's build and eating habits which means he always looks slim and only eats a lot when he's really hungry and will leave food when he's full so I have not worried so far...He probably does eat more 'treats' than he should but the other week, after a long weekend of indulgence I announced we were having a 'healthy eating week' and he actually said he was all for it! I am really thankful because if he had developed weight problems I don't know how I would have handled them. You always tell yourself you won't make the same mistakes as a parent don't you but I have caught myself repeating quite a few of the mistakes my parents made with me on other issues. Think I mentioned in a previous post that my dad was obsessed with his size and bullied me as a way of trying to 'help' me not turn into a fat adult like him. One of the important steps for me will also be to accept that someone can be overweight and yet still be a fully worthwhile human because I know that deep deep down I haven't accepted that. Must say I had to smile at you gaining weight on WW - sorry for that!

Meant to add...perhaps you shouldn't put the pressure on yourself of dealing with the overeating issue before your ds gets to a certain age (how old now?) - it never ceases to amaze me how loving and accepting dc are.

Glad your DS is not overweight, I am sure your good parenting contributed to that.

DS is 2, and I am hoping he'll take after 'Jack Spratt' DH! It has been interesting to see DH's eating habits, he does as your DS's dad does - just eats when hungry and stops when full...

Re your dad it sounds really difficult. Have your ever talked to him about it? Do you think he is a COE?

One therapist got me to write a letter to my dad, which I never gave him. I cannot face talking to him about being remote.

It is difficult to not think fat = bad person, but look at the slim people like Harold Shipman, Ian Huntley etc. Flippant comments aside, "thin = wonderful" is everywhere in society. Even subliminally, Charlotte Church has split with Gavin but nevermind as she has lost 4 stone, so she'll be ok!

I also think "fat people" myself included are more critical of others & themselves than "slim people". I am sure most strangers don't even give me a 2nd glance but there I am trying to understand what THAT expression means!

Another interesting thing from Gillian's book is the idea you can build self-esteem. I had kinda just accepted it was almost 0 and that is where is will always be. She recommended the book'6 pillars of self esteem', but I haven't bought it yet.

I am trying to write down 3 things I am proud of each day though, read that tip in Psychologies mag. It is a bit of a struggle some days , but worth doing I think.

Are you going to go to the Dr's, or are you thinking about it? I think I am going to think about it.

I think you should definitely think about thinking about it I have more or less made up my mind to go although, as the OP noted, since posting on here I have found a marked lessening in the tension in my mind and so I am more optimistic about the self help books (that's 2 you've put on my list now!) but I know of old that it won't last so I will go to the GP after half term.

Is your DH aware of your struggle and is he sympathetic? Must admit that I don't feel able to confide in dp in case he says something unhelpful.

I haven't ever discussed anything remotely mature or deep with my dad or even written a letter. It has been very tempting but unfortunatley he has never dealt with his own issues which are many tho' understandable given his nightmarish childhood. He is a very mixed up person and still seems to delight in causing pain to his children all of whom he makes clear are a massive disapointment to him. Perhaps that will be the final sign of my own breakthrough when I feel able to talk to him on that level..?

Be interesting to see what the Dr says.

Prob obvious to say, but do you buy 2ndhand on amazon? I have found it a cheap way to feed my self-help addiction. Never had any issues with the state the books are in.

Have talked to DH a bit more as the years have gone by, but don't fully want him to "come into my world". As you say there is the likihood of unhelpful comments but also I don't want him policing the food in the house, I have enough shame/guilt etc.

He just doesn't get it though. He didn't even know what a calorie was until he met me. He has never been critical and says he loves me whatever, I was bigger when I met him than now so I guess that is true. Think he just wants me to find happiness & peace.

In my last therapy stint she helped me focus on my attitude/feeings towards my dad, rather than his behaviour. It did help a bit, I guess he/your dad isn't going to change, the only real thing you can control is how you feel about it. SO easy to type, so difficult to even think about doing.

Off to bed. Really nice sharing with you gotareason hopefully chat again soon.

Don't feel alone, there are lots of us out there and some day we'll find what works for us.

Hi everyone, got my appointment tomorrow, I was considering not going as I do feel like I'll be alright now but I obviously don't want to miss the appointment and then find I need help after all.
So I think what's helped is obviously this thread, there are so many people in the same situation, so it's good to know I'm not alone. I've also been re-reading one of my many self help books this one and it seems to be making sense. It seems to be the right time, but I don't want to speak to soon, I just feel so much better than I did.
I don't think it is a quick fix though; I've been thinking about this on and off for a while, and I was ok, but I've been sucked into using food to cop again. Hope everyone else is also feeling a bit better.

Morning all,

So much action on this post since two days ago. I haven't got time now to reread it all slowly, but it all looks very interesting. Since I began posting here I have just been sick once, and I every time I go to put more in my mouth when I am actually 'full' I start thinking about how I am feeling and questioning why I am doing it. I don't necessarily stop, as my little 'devil inside' still says 'go on, have it'!! Sometimes it feels part-sabotage, part-rebeliion and part-lack of control.

watersign - interested to hear all your experience of fighting overeating. May I ask, what you feel have been your biggest or most surprising 'learnings' from all this. What do the professionals say we should do when we reach for the seventh muffin. I read something (maybe in here) about someone who was told to visualise a giant red 'stop' sign, take three breaths, and put the food back as one possibility. I read the OA 12 steps and realised it was not for me. It just doesn't fit in with my beliefs about life, and also, as someone else said, for me food abuse is nowhere as bad for me as alcohol abuse would be.

Also, I'm not sure my overeating has much to do the fat/thin thing - it feels like more of a stress relief, but when I diet it can become incredibly overwhelming - I guess it plays with your mind more.

Totally agree with the idea of changing my feelings towards my Dad rather than changing him which is impossible - in fact I do feel more and more pity towards him as time goes on and less and less anger. I know there must be a lot of times where he thinks 'why did I say that stupid thing? Why do I make my children dislike me?' but he's just as much a prisoner of his nature as anyone.

The same goes for the food thing as well of course - not trying all the time to control/avoid/ignore food but change the whole attitude towards it (maybe you could write your own self-help book one day watersign!)

noteasy that was pretty quick work on the appt I can see why you would be having mixed thoughts about it but I hope you will go - apart from anything else you'd be doing me a favour as I want to find out what they say to you before my own appt!
I will add your book to my list (yes I use amazon all the time for everything - it's my favourite shop ever)
Seriously though, hope it goes well for you.

Just a last thought - a definte pattern here with all of us that sometimes we feel like we've cracked it and we're in control from now on and then somehow it falls apart and we're back where we were. If I could find out what sets that off I feel I would really make a breakthrough.

Just had a look at that book - the thing is - I don't hate my body. It's not that great - but I don't hate it in the way I used to years ago. I like my calf muscles, have lovely arms, I like my boobs, no matter what size I am I have a nice waist. I have a giant bottom, but much like J-Lo I think it kind of works relative to the rest of my body - and I do have an 11month old baby so it's not surprising.

But no matter what size I've been, I have this problem with food, that I can't have chocolate, ice cream, cakes, biscuits etc, in the house because I just devour them. They (usually but not always) play on my mind all day long, and then I just 'go for it' when it has driven me nuts enough. Then I make myself sick as I don't want to put on the weight that would come from it. Then I get this feeling of release.

Or like on Sunday night, I make fabulous fajitas, and they are so delicious I have one more, and one more, and the taste is just wonderful. Then I make myself sick to loose the extra 2 or 3 I should not have had, because I don't want to feel uncomfortable when I go to bed, or to put on the extra half kilo as a result of my binge.

Actually, when I looked at a video of me recently from behind, I was rather stunned. I thought I looked much better than the video made me look - I am actually much larger in appearance from behind that I realised.

But, that's not denying that it would be lovely to be back to a weight where I could really enjoy clothes and be fit and running/cycling with much more energy. Running at the moment puts too much of a strain on my knees so I am cycling and walking.

noteasy - glad to hear you are going along. I hope your doctor has some thoughtful things to say and some good recommendations.

gotareason, I'm assuming it will just be an assessment appointment then I will have to wait for whatever they want to send me to. If I hadn't mentioned it on this thread, I wouldn't be going, so it's good that I did, can't chicken out now.
That book does actually say that you don't need to solve all your personal problems in order to solve your food problems, which is good, and not so overwhelming
It also says that if you have a bad thought about your body, it's never really about your body, it always stems from something else. Try it, if you have a bad thought about your body, think back to what you were thinking before that. I've tried it and it does seem to be true, eg I was thinking that I would like to get away from dc on my own, the I thought something about my breasts being saggy, or I was thinking about my stomach being too big, but then realised immediately before that I was thinking about my friend being annoying. So it's like I'm punishing myself or keeping myself down by doing it.

Oh yes, I forgot it was the assessment and not a full-blown appt - but will still be interesting to see the approach to it. I will defnintely try the negative thought awareness, that is interesting, although I find my flashpoints are when I look at other people who are slim or when I am trying something on and realise the big disparity between how nice I thought it was going to look and how awful it actually does...
so I have to say that in that case I think it is about my body but of course it is very complicated and not about one thing or even two but probably many mixed things! Do you have a particular food that sets you off on a binge? I find if I eat toast for instance I just can't stop

I don't find that a particular food sets me off, rather that I plan a binge and go out to get the food I want to binge on. So would normally get some biscuits, chocolate, something like mini trifles in a pot, to cover all bases so I don't feel like I'm missing out on any food group(!)
It does say in the book that even if you are looking at your fat stomach and thinking "my stomach's fat" it is always really about something else and we use bad body thoughts to sort of process thoughts that we feel are unacceptable by changing them into thoughts about our bodies being wrong, which are very acceptable in our culture, because really it's not on for a woman to like her body, even thin women are always going on about bein fat in my experience. It's a very complicated subject about much more than food.

I agree that there is massive negativity about women's bodies and that most women say they would change something but I also think that if someone is quite heavily overweight then that's bit different. Since we are saying that we feel we're too heavy and it's restricting and unhealthy then I think it's ok to think 'my stomach's fat' and it will mean just that even though are may be a thousand issues underlying that.

Yes, I doubt there are many women that love their bodies. noteasy- I have sometimes planned a binge by getting the feeling, but having nothing in the fridge and so and so popping to the local shop to get a giant chocolate cake and just devouring it all. I usually can't eat much more than that so hats off for covering several food groups. Bread and toast have sometimes kicked off mine too now you say it. I try and buy the super filling bread - Sunflower and Barley coz it's hard to want to overeat that.

I really want to be a 'normal' mum and start being able to bake for the family.

I know but what it's saying is that the only way you will lose weight and keep it off easily and never be obsessive about food/weight is by accepting yourself at the size your are currently and weight loss will follow as a sort of side effect. What it's saying is that part of the reason you overeat is because you hate your body and if you stop hating your body, you'll lose weight.
All I can say is I'm not eating as much now I'm being kinder to myself, but it's early days. But all in all I'd rather feel happy than obsessed with food, even if I'm still fat.