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Original poster

been trying to deny it to myself and others, but sinking fast and no way out.

48 replies

TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle · 12/05/2010 13:19

ok, for a couple of months Ive been struggling. Ive had severe depression on and off (mainly on) since ds was born 3y ago. a year ago i came off my AD's in december I was discharged by my EDT (anorexia). but im really, really struggling. my last mc hasnt helped but i cant stop crying and i feel like everyone around me is moving too quickly and speaking too loud, while im stuck in treacle. everything is grey, food tastes like cardboard. i fantasise about buses hitting me as i walk down the street. i cant cope and i feel like such a failure for it.

OP posts:
willsurvivethis · 12/05/2010 13:22

Aw, sorry that things are so hard for you. have you made an appointment yet with your doctor? You know you need ot don't you? There is no need to keep feleing this way.

elliemental · 12/05/2010 13:23

Please ring your GP today and get an appointment as soon as possible.

(is your name a Tam Lin reference by any chance?)

Original poster
TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle · 12/05/2010 13:24

sorry, ds is 5. you see, i cant even get my sons age right!

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle · 12/05/2010 13:33

ok. i will call gp first thing tomorrow (no appointments left today) i really feel that i cant cope and my behaviour is becoming erratic

OP posts:
elliemental · 12/05/2010 13:37

There is no need to feel a failure for not coping. Would you feel a failure if you kept getting migraines? You are not well, you have physical and mental symptoms, you can get help and support and hopefully start to feel better.

elliemental · 12/05/2010 13:38

well done for ringing gp. what are you going to do for the rest of today. Will it help you cope to make a plan?
Can you do something nice now for yourself, before you have to pick ds up? Bath? Listen to music? Little walk?

Original poster
TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle · 12/05/2010 13:48

cant do much right now. am sitting here trying not to cry again. i have housework to do but cant get the energy to do it. kettle boiled an hour ago still no cuppa.

OP posts:
elliemental · 12/05/2010 13:49

at the risk of being bossy, go and make that cuppa now!
Have you eaten anything?

Original poster
TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle · 12/05/2010 13:51

not yet. i will make a drink and have a muffin.

OP posts:
elliemental · 12/05/2010 13:51

I have to go now. got to be somewhere at 2pm. But keep buggering on!

elliemental · 12/05/2010 13:52

yy, eat something. Little and often is ok. Sod the housework, run yourself a bath? or if you must do housework, set yourself a small target, eg fill dishwasher.
Take care of yourself, you sound like you are running on empty.
x

Original poster
TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle · 12/05/2010 13:53

thank you (started me off again)

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle · 12/05/2010 14:35

ok, just had cuppa and a muffin. (forgot to switch on kettle before so made a cold cup first, but tried again) got to pick ds up now. im exhausted.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle · 12/05/2010 17:03

cleaned kitchen surfaces and mopped floor. am almost on a roll. just got to put dinner on now...

OP posts:
willsurvivethis · 12/05/2010 17:21

Well done you - try and get something easy on for dinner. This is no time for perfectionism or six star cuisine

elliemental · 12/05/2010 17:21

whoo - that's good, but don't go into overdrive....!

Do you have a DH/Partner? what time will they be back? Do they/family know you are struggling at the moment?

Original poster
TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle · 12/05/2010 17:48

dh will be home at about 7, ds is eating his dinner but I have a headache now. have been crying on and off all day.

OP posts:
elliemental · 12/05/2010 17:57

can you put a dvd on for ds and have a glass of water, some paracetamol and a little lie down for an hour?

And then Dh will be home, you can maybe hand over to him and this day will be over. Tomorrow you can ring GPs for an appointment and know you are one step closer to getting help and feeling better.

Original poster
TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle · 12/05/2010 18:04

ds is watching humf. as soon as he's finished his dinner im taking him to bed. think i will get an early night too. we have a holiday booked for the end june and i have a weeks holiday booked from work next week so have something to look forward to at least.

i just want to close my eyes. im not sleeping either. i'd forgotten how tiring this is.

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Original poster
TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle · 13/05/2010 09:29

appointment at 11.45.

OP posts:
elliemental · 13/05/2010 09:46

Oh I'm glad you were able to get an appointment today. Good luck with that. Are you able to be honest with the GP about how you are feeling at the minute? Sometimes it helps to write it down before you go.

Original poster
TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle · 13/05/2010 09:50

yes, gp is lovely. ive been putting it off but i know i need to go before it gets any worse. tbh i look depressed too iykwim. theres this look and pallour that seems to go alongside it. mil has commented a few times about it.

OP posts:
LilRedWG · 13/05/2010 11:21

((((((hugs)))))) Call me if you need to. x

Original poster
TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle · 13/05/2010 11:27

thank you red, im all over the place and getting v panicky. feels like im losing my mind!

OP posts:
LilRedWG · 13/05/2010 11:50

Oh sweet - we can hyperventilate at each other. xx