SH

[BrokenDoll]

When distraction doesn't work and neither does the last resort of 'lots of little things'...what do you do?

I don't even know why i feel like this this time.

Just because they ask for daddy doesn't mean they don't need their mummy because they do very much.

It's just my 2 year old and I during the day. So i do do things with him. Although DH works from home it's in an attached building. I don't work. I don't leave the house really from Saturday to Thursday but nor do i particularly want to.

It's hard to do things with them individually because DS2 needs so much extra attention.

Broken, I withdrew from ds an awful lot when I was really bad. When I decided to fight and get better I knew I had to work on the relationship with ds and for me I started to help him get dressed I used to leave him to it but I knew because it was a small task it was something I could face.

Could you pick one thing for each child? Even if it is reading them a story each?

well.. think about it. i am sure your dh could cope with the eldest and youngest if you did something with ds2- walk him home from school via the park maybe?

i know you don't want to.. but we all do things we don't want to do to keep our children happy don't we?
depression makes one very selfish I think. it certainly did me- all i coulkd think about was how unhappy I was, how awful it was for me, how I didn't want to go out, how I shouldn't have to do this that or the other....

but it isn't just about you, it's about your whole family, and I reckon if you made a big effort to do more with them you'd reap the benefits- improve your relationship with the children, spend more time thinking about them rather than what's going on in your head.... it's easy to sit at home and wallow all day and i'm not saying this to be spiteful- i've been there, i've done it... it;s just what this illness does to you

I need to go to bed now, but really do have a good think about this. is your DH home rihght now? if so go and talk to him too

You need to decide what you want. to walk out or stay and fight this for your family

no-one is stopping you walking away, you could go if you wanted to. I suspect you don't really want to though. you want out of the situation you're in, you don't want to give up your husband and your children

if you want to fight for them then do it. think of one activity to do with them each week. you can get there.
i can't urge you strongly enough to get back on some meds and find out about therapy. but even if you don't do that yet then do go about rebuilding your relationship with your kids.
they're the innocent ones here, they need a mummy

How are you today Broken?

I thought i had replied last night....

I am still the same. But at least i have been out of the house today. Went shopping though instead of taking up an invitation to go to toddler group with a friend.

Broken do you notice you are immediately beating yourself up again? You've been outside, that's a Good Thing. For now it doesn't matter that you haven't been able to face up to a toddler group full of other mums, noise and chit chat.

nowt wrong with that BD! I take my lot shopping quite often, much prefer it to toddler groups!

Broken, willsurvive is right you have made it out the house that is a good achievement, if it helps I have never taken ds to any toddler groups and he has survived I do take him shopping a lot even if it is just a wander round the stores with a drink of juice and a biscuit at the end.

I hope everything goes ok with your GP tomorrow.

I didn't go alone. DH wanted me to help him choose his new phone when hos contract runs out.

Am not going to GP tomorrow - i think maybe you mixed me up with someone else

Broken, just because your dh was with you doesnt make it any less of an achievement. I drag my lodger out with ds and I most of the time as I can't always cope with going out alone.

Sorry Broken, I must have read it wrong.

I have hovered over this thread several times over the last couple of days but not actually opened it.

I picked up cards last night, but put them down again.

I so wish that you would believe me that nothing you were to tell me about you, your past etc would turn me against you, and that I would never repeat a word, or even mention it to you again if you asked me not to. I am here for you to pour into.

Ignore my crap. I'm doing ok, I can handle other people's now

xxx

Flame - I am worried about you. I hope you are ok?

Broken - you sound like you are doing well, to manage to go out with DH even when struggling to make a cup of tea (I know that spot), is great. If reading each dc a story is too much (I can find it quite hard) try letting each choose a tv programme. For the duration of that programme you sit on the sofa with them and cuddle. This makes a real little bit of children centred time that mine seemed to appreciate without adding too much in the way of expecting a lot from yourself.

As for SH, if you do do it it does not equate with failure. It is a coping mechanism and sometimes our chosen mechanisms work short term.

But, I know you are ready yet, start to make some plans for how you can 'get better' (I hate that phrase) for when you feel ready. You might find that having ideas in place will help to make you feel as tough you have some choices.

Keep posting, I know nothing of SH from a personal point of view but I do know about feeling crappy - as do a lot of other people.

Aww Thank you. I should update my thread really shouldn't I? I'm doing ok.

Right - based on advice from random stranger last night, I picked up cards again. I sooooooooooo want to hug you now. BUT, things WILL change. You're going to get through this period and come out the other side.

SH is a release. I am repeating back the advice you gave me for DH - as long as you are safe with it, then it can be very useful.

Random stranger told you to read my cards??

yes SH is my release but my problem is that when i start i don't want to stop doing it. I am keeping to little things and in a way it's good that i am struggling to find places to cut that won't be noticed, it means that i can't cut.

Lol random stranger told me to embrace my spirituality

Bad day today.

Had a kind of chat with a friend last night after she saw a cut - feeling raw and exposed somewhat now despite the fact i didn't tell her anything

I hope you had a better day Broken x