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Decision time...

33 replies

Fading · 18/04/2010 15:48

So here I finally am with the opportunity to finally note down what occupies so much space not only in my head but in my heart; but where to start? DS has fallen asleep and DD is with her grandmother for a couple of hours so here goes...

Each day I question whether the way I behave, think, feel and look is normal and have come to no conclusion. All I know is that most of the time I seem to lose my internal battles and feel defeated and then begin to wonder how what my end will look like. I wonder whether it will be by my own hand (if I ever finally make up my mind) or by some freak accident or perhaps a long and painful demise...I know only this, that lately I frequently wish it were soon...

I know it sounds terrible, doesn't it? Especially as I look at these words myself. Although I love my children (or at least I think I do) I cannot help my mind from wandering in this direction...I have tried, so very hard and yet I always come back to this feeling of emptiness and pointlessness. I cannot give to others what I would so much like to and I cannot engage with my own children or provide them what they need be that on a financial or emotional level.
It would appear that all round I am a significant disappoint and cause so much trouble to all. My parents' don't understand and truthfully, I feel, never have understood me; perhaps the same is true of my siblings? My poor husband looks worse each day as though his heart is about fail him most likely from stress and coming home to me and an abode in disarray and screaming babies.

I don't want to go to a doctor...so perhaps it's time to call it a day? I have no one to confide in about this.

OP posts:
topsi · 18/04/2010 16:15

Sorry to hear you are feeling like this Fading, how old are your children??

topsi · 18/04/2010 16:17

Are you there??

topsi · 18/04/2010 16:20

Any one out there at the moment OP sounds desperate, any one recognise her??

GhostInTheBackOfYourHead · 18/04/2010 16:23

fading, are you there? Please come back to the thread.

I don't know who you are but your post has so much pain and distress in it, I really hope you can come back to this thread.

By the way, well done for posting in the first place. That takes guts.

topsi · 18/04/2010 16:24

Thank you Ghost, I never know what to say

scurryfunge · 18/04/2010 16:29

This also posted in WWYD with no further response

topsi · 18/04/2010 16:31

Have just done a search, she has posted a couple of times, suffering from pnd. I suppose her DC could be awake and she is busy - I hope

topsi · 18/04/2010 16:33

This is horrible what can we do but wait

scurryfunge · 18/04/2010 16:35

I'm not sure whether this warrants reporting the thread - can't tell if there is an immediate threat to safety

topsi · 18/04/2010 16:36

You do it I don't know how, no one will know where she is any way

toccatanfudge · 18/04/2010 16:36

scurry - I have already reported it.

scurryfunge · 18/04/2010 16:37

Thanks toccatanfudge

topsi · 18/04/2010 16:37

Have reported it

cpanda · 18/04/2010 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fading · 18/04/2010 17:08

Sorry if I scared you, I am here...DS (10 mths) woke up and daughter (23 mths) was handed back.

OP posts:
RubysReturn · 18/04/2010 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

toccatanfudge · 18/04/2010 17:10

phew - sorry for reporting it was worried.

Are you ok? Why don't you want to go to a doctor?

topsi · 18/04/2010 17:12

Thank goodness you are Ok, how are you feelin now

jonicomelately · 18/04/2010 17:18

Remember that these feelings will pass. There are times to come (I promise) when you will feel happy.

LoveMyGirls · 18/04/2010 17:24

You have PND with 2 children under 2 and you wonder why you feel overwhelmed? Please come and talk, it will help xx

I tried to OD when I was 18 and I only had PND and 1 child, I know how it can feel and I promise joni is right, it does pass, my dd1 is 10 now and I am so glad I didn't die.

Fading · 18/04/2010 17:24

Oh, the kiddos are fed, they simultaneously screamed for a while and @ the mo there seems to be peace.

Thanks again for all your concern ladies and no worries about the reporting...I'm sorry that I put you all in an awkward position...

My mood seems to swing dramatically from numb to optimistic (for a very short time, like half an hour at most) to really low. I put on a mask for most of the day but literally just 'exist' by going through the motions...

The weather's been gorgeous for the last few days here and yet I cannot even muster the confidence to go outside and take my poor babies for a walk. Luckily for them my mum has...I feel so incredibly guilty for being such a crap mother.

I have tried to talk to my husband btw and he just doesn't get it. At most he thinks I just get a bit sad and so I don't bother to share much anymore...

OP posts:
toccatanfudge · 18/04/2010 17:26

I will be back........I need to go and feed my DS's

LoveMyGirls · 18/04/2010 17:33

Your feelings can be made better by visiting your doctor.

Your husband may not understand but I do. please keep talking. Have you told your mum how you feel?

topsi · 18/04/2010 17:39

You need to talk to your Dr tomorrow, I am no good with words but please look after yourself and get some help.

Fading · 18/04/2010 18:59

toccatanfudge, my mum cannot fail to be aware...

The fact is that I am sure that she has suffered from depression herself since Lord knows when. Sometimes she comes out with the worst comments such as, "I should never have had children", and "I could have been somebody if I hadn't met your father and had you lot" etc...
Throughout my childhood and teens I made excuses for her being the way she is but lately she's been coming out with THE most awful comments concerning me being a mother i.e. "I hope you're intending to go back to work", to which I asked why. She responded, "Well let's face it, it's not as though you're a very good mother".
Then just a few days ago she looked me up and down and focused on my still largish '3 mths pregnant' looking tummy and said, "I hope you aren't pregnant again". Again I asked why and she replied,"I hope you don't intend on having any more children, it's not as though you can cope with two now is it?" (the tone obviously I cannot convey, but I'm sure you get the picture?)

My relationships with family, siblings and husband are all pretty complex, none more so than with my parents. Unfortunately MY little family unit (DH, me & 2DCs) are not in our own home at the moment and haven't been for fast approaching 9 mths now due to nightmare renovations and extensions! Sometimes I think my DH is close to a breakdown and needless to say wants to get out of here as soon as possible. He goes to our house to do diy every evening and weekend, so we don't get much time anyway. We are living with my family (parents, brother and sister) and to say it has been challenging is a major understatement. Even trying to write this my mum has come in to the room no less than 6 times to check what I am doing. She does this when she feels like it, that is spying, and makes no apologies for it as it's her house.

My mum also reluctantly helps out with the children and only every three days or so for 1.5 hr tops only ever with 1 dc. No I'm not complaining and yes I do understand that she has 'done her bit' though I wish her help were more frequent and for longer. I cannot even go to the hairdressers, for a 'tidy up' at the beautician or just out without the kids for a couple of hours. I have approached the subject many a time only to be put in my place.

It's very isolating and I'm not in my own area so I don't really know anybody...

God, sorry to babble on so much...

OP posts: