Can't quite believe it..... but NEED to admit it to myself....

[Toothache]

....I think I have PND again. I am SO angry with myself!!!! Dd is nearly a year old and it only really started in the past month or so.... but then I don't know if its PND!

I don't know whether the fact that DH and I aren't getting along is causing this. Or is it the fact I have PND again that is causing the arguments??? Plus with all thats happening with my parents and having to work with my bastard of a Father I'm wondering if its just been caused by massive stresses in my life?

I don't know if I'm not coping because I'm depressed.... or if I'm depressed because of my circumstances IYKWIM.

Anyway.... symptoms are: Panic attacks whenever DH is narky with me. Hysterical crying (once or twice weekly). And the other day I sobbed for an hour in my bed after an argument with DH and all I wanted to do was go to sleep.... and not wake up.

I'm NOT suidical BTW!!! But I feel in so much pain and turmoil that it seemed at the time to be a nicer option.

DH is VERY short tempered as he is stressed out and seriously cannot handle the fact he will be in a management position soon. He takes it out on the family.

O h god I don't know whats going on!! But I know that I'm not 100% and I know that I've felt like this before..... and it lasted 18mths.

I'm so disppointed in myself after all the advice I give to people on MN about PND and depression.

I feel like a fool, but can't hide it anymore.

CT73 - I do hold my DH responsible (in part) for my PND. That has caused me to resent him SO much. Which isn't helping. Don't really know what to do. I am so sick of DH making 'grand gestures' after a big fight only for it all to be back to normal within a few days. Will his behaviour ever change??

Toothache - Hows you this morning? Thinking of you and hoping you are OK!
Have you made that appointment toothache?

Morning Sax. No I haven't. I walked passed the Clinic on Friday and I knew my HV was in there, but I was feeling quite cheery so thought... "Och I'll just leave it til next week". I KNOW I KNOW I KNOWWWWW, Pracitce what I preach eh?

Things have been a bit better. I spoke to one of my firends on the phone last night and told that I felt down again. Thats the 1st person off of MN that I've told. She has suffered from mild depression off and on for a few years, but I only found out about it when I told her about my PND. I felt better talking to her about it. And she came to the same conclusion that it doesn't sound like PND, but more like stressful times getting me down.
Hopefully with moving jobs one of the major problems will be solved.

Now I just have to completely change DH's personality, then we're laughing.

How are you?

Hey you, I agree about the practise what you preach but i'm the biggest culprit so can't say anything there.
Yes it might be just stressful times are they copable times? You don't want to sink further if by asking for help you can get better quicker and be able to deal with the stress and your Dh.

You have a wicked sense of humour, don't lose that through the cloud! Take care and keep us posted.

Thanks Sax. Unfortunately I am getting round to the conclusion that DH really needs some help... with his mood swings and his temper!! I'll be damned if I'm going on AD's just so he can carry on acting like a tit.

I've told him this.... so we'll see what he does!

are you ok toothache?

Oh bum and tits (can I say that?), scored 27 on the quiz. I try to convince myself I'm just a bit tired but does this mean I'm actually a wombat?

FG you are so expressive - these threads have been quiet the last few days....

heeeellllloooooo

is there anybody out thhheeerrreeee?

TOOTHACHE - hows you doing girl? Will be checking on and off today and hoping you are alright, hoping you and dh aren't too strained and hoping you are managing to keeep on the up. Please let me know as thinking of you!
(look forward to you getting your new pc at some stage and we can finally talk properly).

Take care flouncer xxxxxx

bump for toothache, missing you! hope you are alright and hope to chat soon.

TC

Sax xxx

Hi sax... I'm stealing a few moments at someone elses PC! I'm fine, just settling into the new job and trying to not be the new girl anymore!!!

I was VERY panicky over the weekend about everything, I was breathing so erratically that I actually thought there was something physically wrong with my lungs!!! But have settled down now.
A new PC at home is inthge pipeline, and I should have a desk and PC at work by the end of the week.
How are you?

Hey Toothache,

I hope the new job goes ok and you settle in soon. It must be lovely to have changed and getting a fresh start.

Im ok thanks, plodding on.

Anyway, chat soon i hope when you sort your Pc out.

Take care flouncer

Sax xxx