Can't quite believe it..... but NEED to admit it to myself....

[Toothache]

....I think I have PND again. I am SO angry with myself!!!! Dd is nearly a year old and it only really started in the past month or so.... but then I don't know if its PND!

I don't know whether the fact that DH and I aren't getting along is causing this. Or is it the fact I have PND again that is causing the arguments??? Plus with all thats happening with my parents and having to work with my bastard of a Father I'm wondering if its just been caused by massive stresses in my life?

I don't know if I'm not coping because I'm depressed.... or if I'm depressed because of my circumstances IYKWIM.

Anyway.... symptoms are: Panic attacks whenever DH is narky with me. Hysterical crying (once or twice weekly). And the other day I sobbed for an hour in my bed after an argument with DH and all I wanted to do was go to sleep.... and not wake up.

I'm NOT suidical BTW!!! But I feel in so much pain and turmoil that it seemed at the time to be a nicer option.

DH is VERY short tempered as he is stressed out and seriously cannot handle the fact he will be in a management position soon. He takes it out on the family.

O h god I don't know whats going on!! But I know that I'm not 100% and I know that I've felt like this before..... and it lasted 18mths.

I'm so disppointed in myself after all the advice I give to people on MN about PND and depression.

I feel like a fool, but can't hide it anymore.

www.clinical-depression.co.uk/

Good info here!!!!MMH

and quiz here

other link didn't work is here

Thanks Sax, just done the quiz!, other link did work.

I dont really think that I have an issue at the moment, I really do wonder though sometimes if it is possible to completely clear the 'feelings' of depression once you have esxperienced it IYSWIM. Say you have a crap day, everyone else would say' Oh, Ive had a crap day' Im more likely to say 'Oh here we go again!'

sorry - mini hijack.

I scored 23 and my youngest child is 2.5 - this does not look good!

What a great quiz Sax!!

Thanks everyone.

Weird isn't it.... I have never had derpession before PND. Which was a hormonal condition..... but as I now have a tendency for depression I am now suffering from the other sort of depression thats not hormonal!

Complicated eh? Ah well.... it nicely distracts me from my work.

Toothache - any more thoughts about a little visit to the Gp? Hows things today?
I've emailed you but don't know if you are able to access your mails still

Take care and hope things aren't too bad for you today.

Please let us know!

Sax xx

Morning Sax - I spoke to DH about it last night and.... as usual... I got the "do we really have to talk about this right now" response. Thats what I get when I talk about anything other than good or trivial stuff!

Then when I said "YES we do" he just sighed dramatically, buried his head in his hands and said "F**kin hell". Nice eh.... way to make me feel like nothing but a nuisance.... an annoyance.... something he just wishes would go away. Thats how he treats me all the time recently.

He apologised later.

I told him I was going to go to the GP and that I thought he should too.... he said he see how he was in 2 wks or so. What is it about 2 weeks????? Why do people say we'll see in a couple of weeks?? Whats going to change exactly???? NOTHING!

Anyway... I'll make an appointment next week, or perhaps phone the HV first. How are you sax?

BTW - My PC is SOOOOO slow that its near impossible to look at my mail. But next month I get a new PC YEEEEEHAAAAA!!! Now that is something to smile about.

Hey you, well done for trying to discuss it with Dh - i'm in exactly the same boat atm - dh is point blank refusing to go to gp though (not even we'll see in 2 wks, like you say ?why 2 wks).
I'm glad you are going though and yes very good news about the pc - you must download msn messenger when you get it!
Its the hardest thing to feel a nuisance, to feel you are constantly irritating the person you live with and don't feel supported. It isn't any comfort I know but I am feeling the same so can only empathise!

Take care and keep us updated on your thoughts, rants, feelings - anythng toothache - we are all here for you, you are an amazing support to others, remember we are all here for you too.

Sax xxx

Hi Toothache - don't feel daft or bad. I just wanted to share our experience - dp got PND a couple of years ago after having ds1, which she got over relatively quickly - within a few months, with Sertraline coming to the rescue. But she got depression again this year, about 6 months after I'd had ds2. Obviously not PND again, but I think with dp (and therefore other people - maybe you?) depression's one of those vulnerabilities that can come out again when stress is around. It's horrible to have to deal with again and I really feel for you, but get down to the doc's and see how they can help. Dp went back on the Sertraline and is now coming off it and feeling much more herself. For us, it was a combination of winter approaching (she seems very vulnerable in the winter months now), and the fact that I was going back to work and she had a 3 year old and 1 year old to cope with in a relatively new house and not many friends around - and she can't drive - so it all got a bit too much.

Anyway, just really trying to say it doesn't matter whether it's PND or not - it's depression and don't let it fester - try to get to your GP and fingers crossed get back on the road to recovery - good luck.

Toothache, I'm so sorry you're feeling so down...it doesn't matter what the label is, PND, PMT, depression etc the fact is you are not yourself and the symptoms you're experiencing do sound very similar to what I was having at my low point, and my GP said I was 'significantly depressed'! But you must hold on to the thought that you've been there done that and lived to tell the tale....and been incredibly supportive to us all in guiding us in the right direction. You know that you WILL NOT feel like this for ever and you know what you have to do to get well again.
I really hope that DH gets his head out of the sand soon and starts to support you, he most likely remembers how hard it was for you (both?!) last time and I'm sure the negative reaction was not a personal attack, more a realisation of what's going on IYSWIM.
Take care, and as Sax says we are here for you.

Thanks Sax. I'll get MSN Messenger up and running as soon as I get the PC. I really miss MSN!!!!

Dot1 - You are of course right... it doesn't really matter whether its PND or not. I'm depressed. End of story. I suppose I would just feel like less of a 'failure' if it wasn't PND. I was SO proud of myself for not giving in to the fear of it happening again when dd came along. And I can honestly say that I am still the proud Mummy who smiles inanely when I look at my 2 wonderful babies. A feeling I didn't have when ds was a baby. I just felt sad and guilty that I wasn't the Mum I should be to him.

Hopefully I am now though.

But he sees me crying and asks "Is Daddy shouting at you again". It breaks my heart.

Oh Sax, meant to say I did that quiz and now I know why I'm having all these weird dreams!! No wonder I'm exhausted, I'm living one waking life and one life when I'm asleep

I had a dream last night that I was having a VERY steamy affair with my friends boyfriend!!!! I don't even like him let alone fancy him!!!!

Great dream though...

If I was having dreams like that, I wouldn't be complaining

Gosh I'm not, think I'll ask for a change of meds

LOL! And that was without any Gin!!!

hi all, everyone OK?

I feel a bit down, don't know why....had my lunch on my own and just started to feel myself well up....weird.

MIL visiting on Sunday, but DH not too impressed, we are absolutely brassic and he's quite depressed about it so doesn't want to see people.

wish i could go home, crawl into bed and feel sorry for myself without anyone demanding my time....I crave solitude at the moment....don't wnat to see anybody, want to be in a remote part of scotland or somewhere, good book, great scenery and a really comfy bed..........

Meeely2 - I know the feeling! Feelings that were so distant to me a few weeks ago all now seem so fresh and raw.

Does MIL really have to come to stay??

Toothache - If it's any consolation, I scored 16 & my youngest dd is 8!! I actually think I'm coming out of it now, but in the last 2 months I have - broken a limb(crutches for 5 weeks), lost Dhs nana, company I worked for for 13 yrs went into liquidation, set up new company, organised school PTA bbq (V big affair) - I think I have every right to get depressed! Maybe if you wrote down everything which has been going on, in a big list, it would show that actually you are not stressed 'for no reason' (which I think is a key point). You have every reason to be stressed (or depressed or whatever) and you are actually coping very well, you've just got a lot more than most people to cope with at the mo. BTW - think MIL coming to stay would probably tip me over the edge!

Thanks Berries and LOL@ MIL Comment.

she's not staying, just visiting as she's not seen the boys for a while, was my birthday last week too so they want to take me out for lunch.

I'd feel awful if I had to call her and say you can't come as your son doesn't want you here. She knows what he's like but I feel like I should be the grown up influence here and stand up to him and say she is coming, so deal with it. he's usually ok once they been here for a while, but to start with all they get out of him is grunts and frowns.

ho hum

Hi Toothache

For what it is worth, my GP diagnosed me as having Clinical Depression about 11 months after my little boy's birth! I had taken HIM to the GP for something and I ended up with the medication!!!

I am a firm believer in that medication DOES help. I took medication for the first time 10 years ago and just more recently, at Christmas time for other reasons and BOY! DOES IT HELP. I feel so much stronger and more together than I have for months.

Go see your GP and get sorted!
xxxxxxxx

Can I post a 'mad feminist' post here? I wish 'short tempered' husbands would f**k off and die. There have been so many posts in this section from depressed women who describe spiteful, selfish, ill-tempered husbandly behaviour. THERE IS NO EXCUSE for these lame-assed guys, and I wish I could kick every one of their asses personally. I have experienced similar problems with my (ex) partner) so i guess it is easy for me to get worked up....but! I reckon PND would be less common if men could bring themselves to behave like human beings instead of demanding, self-absorbed and hypercritical add-ons to their families. Why not get involved and HELP, guys?

FWIW CT73 I can see your point.