My entire life is suddenly f*cked... why did i say i was ok?

[essbee]

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and hasn't got a hankie

Just caught up with this essbee - what a bloody runaround the man is giving you - of course he can't just make his kids and mother of his kids homeless - and he can't (legally) hide savings, and he can't alter his maintenance payments on a whim. of course the court would take into account DS's needs and need to stay at same school, etc. Just refuse to deal with him except through a solicitor, and then let him have it. Honestly! Nasty powermongering little git! I know you know all this by now, just needed to do some spitting of my own on your behalf!

@ex. Just let him talk to the hand until the courts work things out, essbee. Aloha and everyone else are bang on- he can't do this. Hang in there, hon.

sorry you are having this hassle essbee - I know how stressful this all is from experience - my ex was violent many times, though not intentionally to the children (my dd got hit by accident because she was in the way of me). We are just getting to the financial part of the divorce. It is a nightmare although ex and I are trying to be amicable - also going through the court to negotiate this can cost up to £8000 I was told, so to be avoided if possible! If mediation has failed, go back to your solicitor asap for more advice.

Btw I was told that having an SN child doesn't necessarily help with the financial settlement - my solicitor says it is the immediate rehousing which is taken into account. Also the fact that he was violent is not relevant to the financial decision - unbelievable I know, but that's what she said .

Hope this works out for the best for you soon.

essbee, this might give your further reassurance - our mortgage used to be in my name only. I was also left a legacy by my parents - again in my name only. Talking to different solicitors over the years, they all said it didn't matter whose name was on the documents - even the will - as 'my' money and assets would be considered family money and assets in the event of a separation. My dh would have a legal claim on them as he was my married partner.

Hi again esbee - hope you are feeling more chipper. Anyone else find statements like the one Aloha found incredibly annoying and skewed: "this contribution (ie the woman bringing up the children) to the marriage can be equal even to a successful business built up by the husband. " "can" ??? "even" ??? I know the guy was trying to reflect law but surely his use of language just goes to show that this whole bringing up a family lark is still not seen as a true team effort? grrrrr

Change the petition to add back in what you agreed to take out. And go for everything including pension.

Hi essbee, agree with soupy. I was searching for a book for you earlier and just couldn't find anything relevant and recent re uk divorce law. I wanted something uk and up to date like this, Divorce war, 50 strategies every woman needs to win on amazon.com you can read bits from it and it looks good, but American. What about seeing if your library could get it for you?

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essbee, you don't need any of it, you need to be happy. I have no money, absolutely none, i am educating myself, to get by alone. I have fire and dedication in all i do to give my children and i a better life. I will succeed and economically support my children eventually. even if you have nothing and have to go on income support like i have nobody can take away your relationships and love. forget all he does to mess you around and start focusing on your next moves, your plans as a woman to be independant. maybe this could be a good thing and give some direction and a new begining.

Didn't you agree to take stuff out of the petition and leave the pension/savings in return for the house? He's changed his mind, you don't have to stick to your side. Go for the lot and stuff how long it takes. Why? Because you're worth it

No experience of any of this but read others' good advice with interest and wish you lots of arse-kicking luck with this, the piece of work
You do not deserve this essbee

Hello essbee. Sorry about the way things turned out yesterday, we hardly got any time to chat did we? But the M25 was awful coming back and we didn't get home till 9 as it was.

I'm glad to see lots of sound advice has been coming in here and hope you're feeling a bit safer and more cheerful. BTW we thought your house was lovely and in a very pretty setting. You keep telling me it's all messy but it wasn't that bad so obviously you must have been working on it. Keep on doing what you're doing, life is looking up for you and things can only get better. How about that trip to a job agency I've been nagging you to do? Just for information, to find out just what kind of salary/job you could feasibly do when the time comes that you feel up to going back to work. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised and that kind of information will give you the facts you need to work with when planning your future.

Yes, definitely go for the lot. The more you ask for, the more you will get, and vice versa. It's not for you either. It's a home and security for your kids.

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That's the spirit!

You've tried being nice, it's time to be tough Teach him not to mess with you.

glad to hear it essbee

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"early am"

Snort!

Just catching up with all this. Sorry AH is still being such a b. Sounds like your luck may be changing though and hopefully with some sound legal advice you'll get what you are really entitled to. You don't have to agree to anything you are unhappy with and can't believe he could legally force the sale of the house with no alternative provision for the children at least.

Afaik a judge would be reluctant to pass a Decree Absolute with no financial settlement in place especially where there are dependant children involved and can even query one which is presented as "agreed" if it doesn't seem right. Don't forget to take into account any endowments and pensions to which you may be entitled to a share - keep copies safe of any statements, dividends etc. Good luck

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