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My entire life is suddenly f*cked... why did i say i was ok?

101 replies

essbee · 24/06/2005 16:28

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Issymum · 24/06/2005 17:58

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Fio2 · 24/06/2005 17:59

so he wants to sell the house and you split the money? according to whatever is fair legally, according to your solicitors I would imagine. I know its horrible but maybe it would do you good to move out of the family home eventually anyway so that you can mentally start a fresh, so to speak.
\
As for maintenance, i think he would have to pay a percentage more due to the nature of your sons problems. Have you applied for DLA at all? Essbee you need to go down to CAB to talk about this if your solicitor isnt advising you properly

Issymum · 24/06/2005 17:59

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Fio2 · 24/06/2005 18:00

its a third of the salary if you go through the csa

katierocket · 24/06/2005 18:01

but mediation is not the same as a legal settlement decided throught the courts, surely?

Fio2 · 24/06/2005 18:02

of course it isnt

katierocket · 24/06/2005 18:03

essbee, I know it's really hard and it's easy for us sitting here away from the situation to implore you to act but honestly you need really good legal advice. I know when you're depressed it's hard to get motivated to act but you must ring the solicitors and ask them who is covering it, don't take no for answer.

katierocket · 24/06/2005 18:04

and essbee
"The finances were discussed at mediation and unless there are specific reasons to pay 'spousal' maintenance tt's all he's meant to give us. "

It's just not as simple as that. If it goes to court, many many factors will be taken into account and, as I mentioned, paramount in the judges consideration will be the children.

rickman · 24/06/2005 18:06

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Fio2 · 24/06/2005 18:12

oh right, sorry, is that before or after tax?

katierocket · 24/06/2005 18:12

but surely isn't that a bit premature. Don't the court have to make a judgement first? by which I mean, he can't just decide to sell the house can he?

essbee · 24/06/2005 18:13

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essbee · 24/06/2005 18:19

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katierocket · 24/06/2005 18:43

essbee, (I am stuck record now) I really think you need to be sure that your solicitor is a good one. That way you can be more certain that you'll come out of this with what is rightly yours. What a F***G ARSE is he.

aloha · 24/06/2005 19:02

He CANNOT decide what to do with the house! He CANNOT just 'take his name off' the mortgage - he building society won't let him. Hell, if you could do that, building societies would have no security at all would they? Just as you couldn't take out a loan and then tell the bank that actually, you didn't fancy paying it anymore and could they take your name off it please? They'd tell you to fuck off, frankly.
The COURT will decide, not your axh. Don't let him intimidate you like this. Yes, he has to pay for the kids via the CSA, but everything else is up for grabs in the court. Sod the mediation. Get your solicitor to ask for EVERYTHING. His savings, his pension, all the bloody house. You are the sole carer of the children, one with special needs/difficulties. They come first. If there isn't enough money when you sell the house to re-house you both adequately (and I am presuming there isn't?) then the court will look all the circumstances.
Yes, he says he will 'hide' the money, but that's what he says.
Come on girl! Go get him!

WideWebWitch · 24/06/2005 19:12

Aloha's right essbee, don't let him bully you, this stuff isn't his decision to make. So sorry he's pissed you off again. God, he's worse than an arse.

hatstand · 24/06/2005 19:13

agree with everyone that he can't take unilateral decisions like this and that you must talk to your solicitor. If he's reneging on what you agreed at mediation then sounds like the courts need to get involved. Also - re the savings - I'm no expert, but even if they are in his name, I would be very suprised if legally-speaking it's as simple as that. I don;t know what your situation was when you were together but if you were looking after the kids while he worked and if you had an understanding to put joint svings in his name then surely he can't now claim they're all his. I hope not anyway. good luck

katierocket · 24/06/2005 19:14

yes yes yes agree agree agree. come on essbee, don't let him bully you

essbee · 24/06/2005 19:18

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aloha · 24/06/2005 19:20

The division of assets in divorce proceedings

Headline cases over the last several years have caused ripples within the legal system and, to some, even waves. Jonathan Harvey sets out below some of the main points a Court will consider when deciding on the division of assets following a marriage breakdown.

Statute sets out a list of factors - the Court considers these first when deciding how the assets should be divided. The usual first consideration is securing where possible suitable accommodation for the children with the parent with whom they will live in the future. The points made below can then be considered, where relevant, if there is more than enough for distribution having first considered these basic factors.

Principles of fairness - these apply whatever the extent of the assets available for a distribution, large or small. However, fairness does not necessarily mean equality which is more likely where there is sufficient capital and income to meet both of the party's needs. If equality is not followed, the Court should state why this is.

Arguments against equality - a husband can successfully argue that his contribution to the marriage by building up a very successful business means that he can have a greater share to take into account an "exceptional" contribution. This may not happen as often as might at first be thought to be the case.

The wife's role - if this is predominantly the bringing up of children and looking after the family home, this contribution to the marriage can be equal even to a successful business built up by the husband.

Assets of a more usual size- rather than give, usually, a husband the smaller balance remaining after the wife has enough to secure suitable housing for herself and their children, it may be possible to argue that the husband's share could be wholly or partially deferred. This could mean that he receives a total share nearer to one half of the assets by the time the children have grown up and do not need a home.

Nemo1977 · 24/06/2005 19:25

o esbee hun im sorry about ur ex sh*t

tamum · 24/06/2005 19:29

God, essbee, I am so sorry. There must be someone on here reasonably close to you who can recommend a good solicitor? Anyone? I agree with everyone else, he can't be allowed to get away with this crap.

essbee · 24/06/2005 19:35

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aloha · 24/06/2005 19:36

Home alone

Of course the biggest debt you agree to share is your mortgage. If you take it out jointly then you will be jointly liable for the debt. Talk to your lender as soon as you think there will be a change in financial circumstances. It is crucial to keep lines of communication open with your lender so that they will view your circumstances sympathetically if you need their help. If you find that your partner is refusing to pay their share of the monthly mortgage payments and you are able to meet them on your own for a short period, make sure you keep evidence to prove what you have contributed. If you are unable to meet the payments, you should have urgent talks with your lender. They may be able to reduce your payments or provide a payment holiday for a couple of months to ease the transition. If arrears have built up but payments can be resumed, the lender may agree to spread the outstanding debt across the whole of your loan. Another alternative may be to alter your mortgage, changing the type of repayment option or extending the length of the term, although these options will depend on your age and financial circumstances.

If you are married and believe you are entitled to a share in the value of your home, consult a solicitor about registering a charge on the property with the local Land Registry office to ensure that your spouse cannot sell the home or re-mortgage without your consent.

aloha · 24/06/2005 19:37

essbee - you could put it like that