Chillo is spot on, Sugar - all ramblers welcome here! I'm sure that your doctor isn't going to force you to come off the tablets if you aren't ready to do so. It might also be worth asking him if there is any counselling or group therapy available in your area, so that you can see that something positive is being done to tackle your depression - something that will help enable you to cope without the antidepressants. I feel that we need not only the antidepressants to help us cope with the symptoms of the depression, but also some other help to enable us to tackle the root causes of it, so that we can beat it properly - and the antidepressants should help us have the strength to do that.
As Chillo and Orm have said - they saved what little tatters of my sanity remained (three messy teenage grumpy argumentative boys, a mad dog, a cat and a husband haven't left much sanity round here - lol ). They've also made me feel like I can cope with more of the day to day stuff at home - though this week hasn't been great, and dh has had to pick up a lot of slack. He can be really infuriating and drives me to distraction at times, but I do appreciate how hard it is for him to come home from work and find that I have basically frozen all day, and haven't got much done.
I am definitely going to get the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Dummies book that Chillo recommends - if I understand it correctly, it is about changing the way we think about things and respond to them, and I can see how that would do me good.
Gonnabehappy - I know just how you feel about the shoplifting thing - ds1 was caught shoplifting a couple of years ago - he was with a friend who'd done it a few times, and the idiotic sod decided to have a go - and got caught nicking a packet of sweets. I was absolutely beside myself, not just with anger but with frustration and guilt too - I felt like it had to be my fault - something I'd done wrong bringing him up - though I knew, rationally, that we'd always emphasised honesty and respect for other people's possessions.
We had fireworks at home when the letter from the school came (he'd been in uniform so they'd reported it to the school not to me, and as ds1 had been so shocked and sorry, and had written to the shop to apologise without being prompted, the school didn't suspend him, but gave him a weekend detention instead, for which we were very grateful), but I also burst into tears because I was so shocked about it all, and I think that it was my tears that affected ds1 the most - he was appalled at how much he'd upset me. That, plus the fright of being caught stopped him from shoplifting again, and I'm sure it will do the same for your ds.
Chillo - yes, I am meeting new people - I've joined an art club and, recently, a choir, so I'm making the effort and doing things that I enjoy. We've also just got a dog - a 17 week old brown lab - so I am getting to know other people because dog owners are lovely about chatting to me while the dogs play together.
I think I was rather spoiled where I lived before - I had several really close friends, and my house ended up as the meeting point - there was barely a day went by without at least one person turning up for coffee and gossip, so I didn't have to make the effort to get out there myself. What does hurt is the fact that these friends rarely ring me - they are very happy to chat and catch up if I ring them, but I feel like they've forgotten me and moved on, because they don't think to ring me.
And I was very affected by what summer said - I feel as if I failed her by not responding to her, and I'm worried about her now - I hope she'll come back to the thread and give me a second chance.