Really had enough.

[ErikaMaye]

I hate myself. I'm so angry at me for being the idiotic, ugly, naive, self-destructive, foolish lunatic I am. Four months of not cutting myself means nothing now. Everyone would be much better off without me. Especially the baby in my tummy. I don't eat when I feel low, right now I can't even think straight, and I've cut my legs up again. I'm a total and utter failure in everything I try an do. I want so much to be a good mother, but if I'm crap at everything else, its pretty much implied I'm going to mess that up. Just want everything to stop hurting now, I've had enough of the pain.

Sent off the letter today and a weight has been totally lifted from my shoulders. Know this probably isn't the end of it, they're not going to just back down, but I feel good knowing I'm at least on the way to sorting it out.

Had my half way mark scan today! I'm having a little boy!!! Everything looks great - bit worried about the size of the head as it looks HUGE in comparision to the rest of the body, and I'm rather pettite, but hey... The hospital don't seem concerned. The legs are rather short as well, but again, they're not worried. Little thing was active the whole way through, obviously annoyed that we'd woken him up!!

Got an appointment with the social worker tomorrow and stressing a little over that, but trying to stay calm.