Borderline Personality Disorder

[OnTheBorderline]

I posted in chat and was pointed in this direction, really I am looking for other peoples experience of this and hopefully hear some happy outcomes.

I have just been diagnosed with this, it is a bit of a releif but at the same time as scary as hell, I know that it can't be 'cured' and am frightened I might not have the inner stranght to be able to change my thought processes so I can act like a normal person.

I have been very unlucky in life, I don't know whether it is down to me having this disorder or whether the disorder is from my experiences, I suspect it is partly both.

I am having counselling atm from a lovely lady and I know she will help me through this, I am just feeling weird atm, I am happy because I know now why I do the stupid things I do, yet am scared about the therapy that lies ahead, whether I will ever be 'normal'

I rated 'very high' for borderline, and rated high on 4 other disorders (Schizotypal, Antisocial, Histrionic and Dependent)

I feel like a complete fuck up atm, I just want to be normal and have a normal life.

I have been searching for bordeline personality disorder and have just found a quote that made me feel so sad

'On the whole though people with bpd are best avoided because you can't help them and they'll only keep hurting you.'

I don't want to be that person, I need to change myself, I lash out so easily, my mood changes so quickly that people don't know how I am going to react.

I NEED to change

I think the fact that you have recognised that you have this and are getting some counselling is admirable. I really hope it works for you
I would just say don't expect any quick fixes. Have you seen a psychiatrist? Are you on any medication?

I was on Antidepressants but came off them a while ago, before my diagnosis.

I am having couselling with a lovely lady who has nearly finished training as a 'pyschotherapist'

Not actually seen a psychiatrist though, do you think I will need to? Are they not the same thing?

I'm really worried I am going to mess my DCs heads up.

My mum left me to cry it out when I was younger, and I never thought it had affected me, but maybe it has.

I have left my DC to cry it out, after making sure they were fed, burped, clean etc, but now I am worried that the damage had already been done. I don't want My DC to go through this. I want the to live happy lives.

Why don't they tell you about this when you are pregnant/first have your baby?

i doubt being left to cry it out was the sole cause. more likely to be other factors in my unprofessional opinion.

I know that there are many other issues which will have added to it, but I am afraid that I am letting history repeat it's self.

I just hope my DC is young enough to be able to make it up before they notice.

My mother has BPD and I would say that quote you posted applies to her, definitely. She has hurt me and others so consistently and so badly that I will almost certainly never speak to her again.

But the HUGE difference between you and her is that you are able to talk about it, to face your challenges, to seek help, you are having counselling - you clearly want to learn strategies to help you cope, and you obviously care deeply about those around you and don't want your condition to have a damaging impact on them. That's very self-aware, and very unselfish.

A personality disorder isn't who you are - it's something you have to live with, but it doesn't define you. We all have our underlying personalities and characters too. I think you will be fine - you will find the innerstrength

I really hope I do, I don't want to hurt my family, but I have a history of not finishig things, I have dropped out of school, and college several times, I have quit jobs because I didn't like it there after not even giving it a chance.

I hope I can stick it out, and that my maternal instinct is enough to keep me going.

I had never heard of this disorder before, and when i was studying psychology and came across bi=polar/manic depression, i thought that was me, because the ups and downs of my mood.

I honestly don't know how i feel, I have enough on my plate as it is, now I just feel damaged, and upset because I will always be 'damaged'

I am really annoyed at my 'friend' who told me he thought i had this(he works in mental health), because my counseller thought i had it but didn't think i could cope with knowing yet because she hadn't told me, the only reason we have now started to address it is because i brought it up.

But we're all "damaged" - life takes its toll. We all have our war wounds and peculiarities and scars. Having a name for your condition doesn't make it the only defining thing about you. And mental health problems are MUCH more common and ordinary than most people think.

BPD and bipolar are often mistaken for one another, they can present very similarly I think. I think having a label is only helpful in that it can point you in the direction of strategies etc that can help you, and enable you to benefit from others' experiences too. You haven't grown another head!

If it's any comfort I'm currently undergoing the realisation that I probably have Aspergers syndrome - my ds1 was diagnosed with it recently and it has been dawning on me for a while that he and I are a bit too similar - and the reading I've done about AS has been creepy, like reading your own diary - I keep reading things and thinking "So THAT'S why......"

Keep posting, keep being brave and having the counselling, and keep being kind to yourself, because this is not your fault - any more than diabetes or anaemia would be your fault - and there is a lot you can do to make things better.

I am glad you posted, it makes me happy to know that you have grown up with someone who has had this 'disorder' and has come out the other side not affected with the same disorder, but it is sad to know that you don't get on with your mother and I hope that not wanting to lose the relationship with my DC is enough to make me stick with it and get the help I need.

I have just told my dad about it, who just seemed to brush it under the carpet, the same as when I got depression, I am in a really confused place right now and having to wait until my next couselling session is proving to be torture, I need to speak to her now.

I am glad that I know why I did a lot of stupid things when i was a teenager, and why I got in so much trouble, and reading back over other posts (where i had also namechanged) talking about the things I did when I was a teen I am glad that there is possibly a reason why I did the things I did.

I am sorry to hear about your DS and maybe you having AS, is there anything you can do about it?

My Xp has BpD. he is a horrible horrible man.

he spent years abusing me in every way possible. for a long time i forgave him and excused his behaviour because "he can't help it"

actually i believe thathe probably could help it, he just chose the easy, lazy option.

If your serious in your desire not to allow this disorder to take over your life and hurtthose around you then i would suggest maybe joining some counselling sessions and see if there are any support groups around.

Im sorry i can't offer a more positive spin.

Is a counsellor qualified to diagnose this? Seek therapy etc by all means to deal with problematic feelings/patters of behaviour - but I would be a bit wary of diagnosis by anyone other than psychiatrist or clinical psychologist.

Try and get hold of 'Girl, Interrupted' by Suzannah Kaysen. SHe was diagnosed with this back in the 60s (I think) and it's a brilliant book. I think the quote about being avoided must be a very old one, and is certainly misguided. Try and look at it positively. Now you have a solid diagnosis you can work towards feeling better with some solid aims in mind. Good luck with your treatment

I would aslo suggest you be wary of letting a half-trained 'counsellor' however nice and well-meaning, stick a label on you.
Please be aware that mental health problems are not the most exact of conditions to diagnose and treat, and there is a bit of a tendency these days to medicalise any kind of 'difference' (coupled with what seems to be a Government-driven wish to either drug or nag people into conformity and compliance).
If your therapist is helping you see through and start to change troublesome behaviour, then that's a good thing (whether she's trained or not) - and if you have a disorder of some kind, it isn't necessarily the end of the world. You seem to have good intentions and to be working on coping strategies: no reason why you can't have a happy life and be good to the people around you most of the time: that's as good as most people get whether they have a Big Certificate of Normalness or not.

I'm guessing you have been properly diagnosed by a psychiatrist and not your counsellor (as I'm a psychotherapist and I don't diagnose anyone).

Your personality and your mental distress (I'm not going to call it a disorder) is part of you and accepting that and nurturing yourself through times you find it hard will really help.

I'm so glad you find your counselling helpful. If there is any other support available to you try and access it - a support group might be good.

Be very kind to yourself, it sounds like you have been through a lot

I'm a mental health nurse and I agree with previous posts that any mental health diagnosis should really be made by a qualified Psychiatrist. A formal diagnosis should only be made after a prolonged period of assessment aswell. Diagnosing personality disorders is very complicated IME.

It's great that you are recognising you are struggling and getting help for that but please don't get too involved in the diagnosis. Focus instead on the issues about your life that you are struggling with and continue to seek help in dealing with those.

My counseller is a fully trained, she does the counselling one day a week also works in a place that actually diagnoses mental health conditions, which is why she recognised it. she is doing her masters in pyschotherapy along side her job.

I haven't been diagnosed by anyone other than her, we have only just approached this a coupe of days ago, I am sure I will be going to get it diagnosed properly, probably going to her other pace of work to get it done.

She hasn't done a written diagnosis, she has just said that it is her belief that I had that, and it was me that brought it up after what my 'friend' had done. tbh once we had gone through an looked at the 'traits' I agree she could be right, it's not like I just tick one or two of the boxes, I tick every single one.

I don't know if there would be a support group around here or not, I will find out.

Mamazon - I am sorry about your XP, I worry that is how I will end up, I left an abusive relationship this year and part of me is now wondering if part of it was my fault, I can mood change at the flip of a switch, an I mucst be so har to keep up with.

OTB: here is a very rough and ready opinion of all this 'personality disorder' stuff. Most people who have something badly wrong with them that makes them hellish to be around are actually not like you, they feel little or no remorse or anxiety about their behaviour: everything is someone else's fault. That you worry about the impact of your behaviour on other people suggests that you can moderate it, with help and effort.
But there are also quite a lot of people who are quick to label others as 'personality disordered' for not agreeing with them, or for not wanting to be in a couple-relationship with them, or for not indulging their endless silly whims and self-obsessions. I have looked at a few sites about 'toxic' and 'narcissistic' people and generally think that about half the stories of 'My Hell with Toxic parnter' are from people who need a good slap with a wet kipper themselves.

My daughter is diagnosed with bpd and she also has some npd traits too. She's been a challenge since she was tiny and she's 18 now. I've been told that there's a chance she'll grow out of when she gets to her 30s and for her sake (and mine!) I really hope she does.

She has difficulty with finishing anything - school, college etc. She's very very demanding and can behave very very badly and be very nasty and abusive when things don't go as she'd like. She doesn't seem to have the 'limiter' that most people have in terms of knowing boundaries etc. She also self harms severely, hears, sees and feels things that aren't there and generally is a very troubled soul.

She can be absolutely lovely tho too, and in her more lucid times will recognise that her perspectives and take on things is skewed.

I wish you well.

OTB I'm a mental health nurse and CBT therapist with a special interest in BPD and deliberate self-harm because i think these individuals are treated like S**t by the mental health system TBH.

I'm pleased your counsellor is kind and helpful but please please get a referral to a community mental health team to be properly assessed and diagnosed. Counselling isn't an evidence based intervention and counsellors themselves will say that there are some unsafe people operatung out there. I'm not saying you're one of them but in my work I regularly have to unravel and demystify some of the damage these counsellors have done as many aren't properly supervised or regulated.

For me one of the key things about people with BPD is their relationships do you have that intense,erratic pattern where you overidelaise people thinking they'll save you and then if they let you down they become completely devalued? I think this is what makes others so wary of getting involved with people with BPD, it can be very draining.

The recommended types of therapy are dialectical behaviour therapy or schema focussed therapy both subtypes of CBT, are these available in your area. It sounds like you're insightful and motivated to change which is fantastic!

A helpful book to read is the skills manual "Managing Intense Emotions and overcoming self-destructive habits" by Lorraine Bell a clinical psychologist.

BPD is not your fault, various factors pre-dispose people to it but a lack of affection in childhood/cold inconsistent pareting and trauma plus having a parent with mental health problems are all risk factors. It;s great that you want to sort yourself out both for your sake and your dcs.

Best of luck

Hello, ontheborder

I will email you but I wanted to post here too.

Please don't fret over your children. MANY children are left to cry it out and grow up without major mental health problems. I think it would be better to focus on what you are doing with them NOW and making sure you are being the best mum that you can be. No-one is perfect but you can't change the past.

Greensneeze is right - this doesn't define you, although it can feel like it. Everybody has things that they find difficult and life changes how you think/ feel/ behave. You can learn to overcome many of the issues you have. If you have a good therapist, they will teach you how to read and respond to situations

My family do not know that I have been diagnoses with this - I see no need to tell them, The label is useful to me, in a way, as it helps me remember not to be impulsive or overreact or do things that are probably damaging.

BTW, mine was diagnosed by a team of psychiatrists (3) and psychologists (2) and they all had input in my treatment.

The best thing for me was DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) treatment - look it up on wikipedia for more info. It teaches what is for most people common sense and, although it felt quite patronising at times, I really valued it and I still think about it.

I still have a tendency to inwardly blame other people for everything but try very hard not to do that when I respond. I need to work out how not to make that my initial reaction to everything.

Perhaps I should give a bit more info: I was diagnosed during a period of severe depression which lead to being hospitalised after a suicide attempt (which was not my first). BPD was on my mind and i think the diagnosis didn't help, it just made me feel like a freak.

When I was in hospital, I asked a psychyiatirst if he thought I had BPD and he said, "I don't believe in diagnosing anyone when they are at their worst. Anyone who is suicidal meets most of the criteria for BPD"

After that, my diagnosis was dropped, discussed again and then changed to Major Depressive Disorder. I then realised that the label didn't matter. What mattered was that I met some of the criteria and had to learn how to overcome them. And that's where the DBT helped. It teaches you how to get through a crisis (self-harm, suicidal ideation), how to regulate your emotions and reactions and how to be more mindful.

This was 2 years ago. I am now much more stable, I haven't SH for almost 2 yrs, I don't really have active suicidal urges, stressful situations (like losing my job) don't immediately make me panic and want to die. I am not as impulsive, I can think things through and take time to decide if I am being reasonable or emotional.

So, things have been very tough, but I am ok. And you will be too.

I have this label, and hesitate to post this without name changing, given the negative press it has. I think that rather than hurting others I do very self damaging stuff over and over and over.

Me too, Electra, hence namechange. I'm not brave enough to post under my usual name.

I try very hard not to hurt other people and I think it often backfires and I end up being the one who is hurt. It's very hard to find a balance.

I am really interested in this post from a diiferent point of view.
I hope you dont mind me posting I was just looking for anything that can help me and when i read about Borderline personality disorder it just sounds so much like my father and sister.

Could anyone tell me more? I dont want to hi jack you post so please feel free to mail or start another topic.

But lets just say i suffer from depression. My father and sister are very similar, they can be nice one time and then next time unreasonable, i never know where I am. They take everything I say, analyse it and seeing a meaning in it it did not intend and then use my words against me. They can say awful hurtful things to me and i feel it is all my fault - well after all they have never once appologised for anything. Is this the sort of thing?

Thanks and once agin i appologise for this but thank you for bringing the information to my attention. I for one think it is really good you would like to help yourself, it will help your family.