How do I know if I have depression or just finding life tough at the moment?

[OlaMamas]

Don't really know where to start (apologies if its long) Had pnd after a very difficult birth that everyone else was aware of but I didn't acknowledge until later on. In all honesty I have never really felt myself since and that was 3 and a half years ago. Since DS2 who is now nearly 19months, life has been especially tough despite knowing how much I should be counting my blessings. Severe colic as a baby, very demanding still and a very bad sleeper still. Over the last 12months I feel my coping mechanisms have slowly left me. I cry all the time, nag my DH, am drinking far too much, am becoming more withdrawn and dread leaving the house and have to force myself to meet up with friends. I need more and more time away from the boys as I just feel I can't cope with them. I have very little patience. Yet I know how lucky I am. The only place I feel I can cope is at work. Have always been of the ilk (wrongly I now realise) that you should just pull yourself together, look on the bright side etc etc as a number of family members do suffer with depression and mental illnesses. Is it hereditory? Am I losing it? Or is it just lack of sleep, 2 difficult ds's? After a recent episode of hysterics I made an appointment at the drs for next week, but it has almost been cancelled a number of times. Still not sure I can go through with it.

it does sound as though you are depressed, yes.
but that's just my opinion.

I think going to the GP is a really good idea. some things that helped me were taking a list of things I wanted him to know but felt I might get too shy/stupid to tell him or might forget about.
or taking someone with you who can tell the GP what it's like, if you don't feel up to it

let a professional assess you, a GP is qualified to diagnose depression - even if it is a reaction to life events, it still 'counts'

please don't cancel your appointment!

Thanks. Am so upset today as my husband has taken it upon himself to tell his parents when he'd had a drink. He says it was because he didn't understand and they have experience of depression but I just feel so betrayed and sick to the stomache. He told them things I said to him in confidence aboutjust how low I had felt at my worst. It's not even like they have ever been that supportive or they are that close.

so sorry to hear you are feeling so low. I know how you feel. I went to GPs last week for the first time to ask about depression. Right up to the moment I walked in the door I didn't know if I'd tell him about an ear infection instead .... but forced myself and it was really helpful, he didn't put me straight on anti-depressants which was what I was worried about, listened, gave some good advice and will keep seeing me regularly to see how I get on and what support is most appropriate. I felt SO much better for the next couple of days, and though I'm down again now it feels a lot better to know there is someone looking after me now. I wish I'd done it long ago.

My daughter is a very bad sleeper too and sleep deprivation can trigger depression. It doesn't mean you're 'losing it', it just means you've been under a lot of strain and got into a cycle which is making life difficult at the moment. Going for help is the emotionally mature thing to do.

Thanks for that systemsaddict. Just hope I get there and manage to speak without blubbering. DH was going to come with me but now don't know whether I want him involved? Did you go on your own or with someone?

It doesn't matter if you cry in front of gp. When I went (actually several times over the years) I would start to cry as soon as I tried to speak. If you have a decent gp they will wait for you to calm down and give you time and space to talk.

I'd say maybe go in to see gp on your own the first time - dh can wait in the waiting room perhaps? Just my opinion.

I understand your anger at dh's indiscretion, but I am guessing he is very concerned about you and doesn't know who to turn to. He should not have repeated things you said in confidence, no question. After I came out the other side of my last bout of depression I realised just how difficult it had been for my dh. He wanted to help but felt totally powerless and at times was overwhelmed with worry about me.

You say "is it just lack of sleep, 2 difficult ds's?"

I'd say it doesn't really matter what the trigger is, you still need support of some sort. With me there is sometimes no clear trigger. OTOH it's sometimes obvious - like a difficult job I had once which triggered an episode of depression. When I changed jobs it all disappeared - but while the situation continued, I needed help.

I suppose he like I'm ashamed to admit to having been in the past just thinks I should "sort it out" and "get a grip" but unfortunately I just can't seem to shake off what I'm feeling. The slightest thing just either makes me cry or rant! I don't like who or what I've become and I suppose people knowing makes it more real. I just didn't think I'd ever be the one to get like this. And when I look at my life, it's all I ever wanted. (Well that and a bit more help from DH!) Both my mum and brother have had terrible depression over the years as well as other family members with severe mental illnesses. And I suppose I feel a lot of guilt at not understanding more. I'm worried it will also affect my future career as when applying for jobs I know one of the medical questions is whether you have suffered from depression and to an emplyer I suppose that rings absence alarm bells!

Ola, I was just coming on to post almost exactly the same questions as you.

I've been feeling really really low for quite some time now, have 2 DCs and as you say I feel my coping mechanisms have left me, I'm really withdrawn, can't get motivated to do anything, very little patience etc. I phoned and made an appointment with a GP for tomorrow morning, but both my DCs will be with me. I am terrified, actually I know that I will blub from the moment I get in his door, in fact after I made the phone call I got really emotional just thinking about what I need to say to him.
I'm actually at the point where I hope that the GP will prescribe some ADs for me, and I have never felt like that before.
When is your appointment with your GP?

good luck at your dr's. hope your doctor is like mine and has a box of tissues right by you that are open ready for you to use.

Thursday! If I don't cancel before then. Feel sick with fear about going. I'm not a dr going person other than with the dc's and don't feel I know any of the drs. The thought of trying to explain it to a complete stranger just makes my stomach turn. Have you no-one who can watch your kiddies for you FlyingLow?

No Ola, I don't.
I don't know the GP I am seeing at all well either and the times I have seen him I didn't find him very sympathetic, so I'm quite anxious about that too.
I haven't really sat down and talked properly to my DH about it either and I'll have to do that tonight. queue tears again!

Ola don't you think that getting it off your chest may help you feel better in itself?
I think it will.

I just don't know and the fear of floodgates opening and not shutting isn't helping. The ridiculous thing is my in laws had no idea, nor do the majority of my friends or own family. With most people I can put on this happy cheery exterior. But when at home I just can't muster much cheeriness at all so DH and ds's end up getting the brunt of "it" and I suppose in fairness to them I need to sort it out. Don't suppose I can feel any worse?! I will be thinking of you tomorrow FlyingLow I hope it goes ok.

Thanks Ola, will let you know how I get on, but I hope you keep your appointment.

I went on my own Ola, for me this is better. My dp was a bit sceptical anyway, although reporting back to him what the gp said has actually made a big difference in his attitude - there's a difference between me saying I've had enough, and a professional saying it!

I was worried about getting upset too, and didn't really know what to say, but as soon as I started to say that I was feeling overwhelmed, the dr. explained there were a series of questions he would need to ask me in order to assess what was going on properly, and I instantly felt calmer. It sort of fitted it all into a framework, and meant I didn't have to find ways of explaining it all from scratch. Somehow having how I was feeling fit into a much bigger system where there was a standard list of questions the dr. would ask made it all feel much safer, if that makes sense.

I really hope that's standard practice with every dr. That would make it heaps easier. I think I am going to ask my DH to wait in the waiting room. Just wish it was Thursday so I could get it over with.

oh, hope my gp does that, would make it sooo much easier on me.

We were out earlier and I "lost it" with ds when he made dd fall over - I'm sad to say I called him stupid, something I have never ever done. It made him cry, and me .

I told him that we are going to the docs tomorrow to try to help mummy from shouting

I am just the same FlyingLow, sometimes I hear the way I'm speaking to mine and feel so ashamed but just don't seem able to help it! Good luck tomorrow.

Just wanted to say good luck for today Flying Low. Hope all goes ok. You never know... in a week or so you may be needing to change that talk name of yours!

Good Morning Ola. Well I'm back from the gp.

Here's what happened.

I wrote down my feelings this morning, before I went in so that I told him everything about how I was feeling and other things I wanted to mention to him.

I spoke to him first of all about other stomach probs I have (gallbladder related) and managed to do this calmly.

I then took a deep breath and told him that this was the point where I would get emotional. As I started talking to him about how low I am feeling etc, he passed along the box of tissues .

He was very good, eventually he printed off the questionnaire for me to fill in, which I did, and he scored and he asked me what I thought would help

I explained to him that I had been prescriobed them before, but by a locum when I first started having probs which in the end was found to be gallstones, I basically burst into tears so she prescribed me ADs . Anyway, I explained to GP today that I didn't take them then because I realised that I didn't feel depressed then, just in pain but that now I just want to feel better.

He explained that the usual treatment is either counselling or ADs, but has prescribed me Citalopram, so am just off to search mumsnet now for peoples experiences of it

I feel better for having been to the GP, and feelng that I am doing something to stop feeling like this.

Oh, he also recommended I start some form of exercise and try to widen my social circle (something I don't feel up to at the mo).

I hope tht this will help you keep your appointment, Ola

sorry for the long post

Thanks for that FeelingLow. I think you are so brave just hope I can do the same! You should feel really proud that you've taken steps to feel right again. Think I will write everything down because I really can't see it coming out and making sense! Don't know whether I'm trying to talk myself out of Thursday or not but forced myself to meet up with friends this morning and the boys were really good so came away without the usual "I am about to burst into tears" feelings as well as maybe I'm not depressed after all questions? Although the day is still young and I suppose by the end of it I won't be feeling as positive

Ola, thats quite funny, as last night I felt sooo much better, even this morning I felt better, I actually thought I wouldn't get emotional while at the docs

There was a wee voice in my head this morning saying "don't think I'll bother saying anything" but I think writing it down really helped.

Hope you do go, and thanks for posting (btw sorry for hijacking your thread)

Well, with depression you don't have to feel awful 100% of the time. You can have good moments or good days.

Keep your appt OlaMamas - IME even just going to that first appointment is a very important step on the road to feeling like yourself again.

FlyingLow, my DH has taken citalopram before. It really helped him. He had a few mild side effects for the first couple of weeks, mainly having a "rushy" feeling.

TBH think if you hadn't posted I may have cancelled already. Just wish I could get it over with now as it's all I can think about! Kind of feel in limbo. Will make my list of feelings tonight and then roll on Thursday. Just hope my dr is understanding. My experience of him when I've been in the past with the kids is professional and to the point but I know he has a good reputation. Just wish is was a matronly dr who will tell me it's all going to be ok. How pathetic does that sound