How do I know if I have depression or just finding life tough at the moment?

[OlaMamas]

Don't really know where to start (apologies if its long) Had pnd after a very difficult birth that everyone else was aware of but I didn't acknowledge until later on. In all honesty I have never really felt myself since and that was 3 and a half years ago. Since DS2 who is now nearly 19months, life has been especially tough despite knowing how much I should be counting my blessings. Severe colic as a baby, very demanding still and a very bad sleeper still. Over the last 12months I feel my coping mechanisms have slowly left me. I cry all the time, nag my DH, am drinking far too much, am becoming more withdrawn and dread leaving the house and have to force myself to meet up with friends. I need more and more time away from the boys as I just feel I can't cope with them. I have very little patience. Yet I know how lucky I am. The only place I feel I can cope is at work. Have always been of the ilk (wrongly I now realise) that you should just pull yourself together, look on the bright side etc etc as a number of family members do suffer with depression and mental illnesses. Is it hereditory? Am I losing it? Or is it just lack of sleep, 2 difficult ds's? After a recent episode of hysterics I made an appointment at the drs for next week, but it has almost been cancelled a number of times. Still not sure I can go through with it.

[FlyingLowattheMo]

thanks doggiesayswoof. I haven't actually taken the first one yet, want to talk it through with dh tonight, for some reason .

Ola, I truly hope you'll keep the appointment. If I can do it, you can too

[doggiesayswoof]

I've had the "professional and to the point" treatment before. You can come out feeling like you haven't really been heard (but here's hoping that doesn't happen to you!). But otoh you need a professional opinion which you'll get from gp, and you will definitely be heard here on mumsnet.

Keep posting and go to that appointment - I have cancelled and re-booked over and over again in the past and I do know how you feel. It is much better once you go.

There is a self-help thread which helped me - I will try and find and post a link

[doggiesayswoof]

I did that too Flyinglow, I was prescribed prozac a few years ago and I had to discuss it with dh before taking the first one. Was a bit of a build up really! And I was fine, they really did help.

[FlyingLowattheMo]

thanks doggie

a good self help website is www.glasgowsteps.co.uk

[doggiesayswoof]

This thread has great self-help ideas

[OlaMamas]

Thanks . Have to say I'm not really what you'd call a regular poster but have found mn a Godsend over this. Will take a look at the website too.

[FlyingLowattheMo]

thats what mumsnet is all about. I spend far too much of my time on here (have slightly namechanged for this)

[systemsaddict]

Do go, Ola. I keep having the same experience of having a good day and wondering if there is really anything wrong, but then I have a low time and realise that it is good to get some help. And I am so glad I have taken the first step and seen the GP, I feel so much safer now.

Also my counsellor gave me the following website refs which I did find helpful:

www.studentdepression.org
www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm

That self-help thread looks great, will have to read through it later. God what would I do without mumsnet!!

[OlaMamas]

OMG feel like I'm going to throw up! Roll on 5 o clock! Any last minute tips?

[OlaMamas]

Well I did it... I think. Do think my dr may have been rather keen to start his bh weekend as have never been in on time before and it all happened very quickly. I sat down burst into tears, told him I was losing the plot and didn't feel I could cope. He asked with what? I said with pretty much anything with the exception of work! I told him I have no patience scream constantly at my DC's and DH. Told him DS2 was challenging didn't sleep well. He then asked me what I did for a living. Told him I was a teacher (Think he was going to sign me off!) Then said oh well you have 2 weeks off anyway haven't you. Hence my thinking he may not have fully listened as had previously told him this was the only place I felt in control and could cope. Anyway put me on ctalopram. Going to research later but if anyone knows it be grateful for info. Told me it won't work for 2 weeks and to come back in 2 to 3 weeks. At the moment am just so relieved it's done.

[flyinglowatthemo]

Hi Olamamas, good for you for getting to your gp. How are you getting on?

[OlaMamas]

Now been nearly a month of good old citalopram.... been back for one visit to the docs. Got to go back in another month. Just not sure what to be expecting. Still seem so up and down. Have argued heatedly with DH for sure. Possibly less panicky feelings with the kids... I think. Just don't feel I can assess myself competently any more.