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Mental health

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Original poster

Dental phobia - I HAVE to go, and am getting anxious already

63 replies

naswm · 30/03/2009 17:59

I wont bore you with the history, but I am dental phobic. I have never maintained my dental treatment, that is, I go for years without visiting, then do go and often dont complete the necessary work.

Well today I lost part of a back filling, which was a root canal from last summer.

I know I have to go. It doenst hurt, at the moment, but I know I need to make an appointment. (I had two long appointments in the diary for January which I cancelled because I couldnt do it).

I dont know why I am writing this really. I dont want sympathy. I dont feel sorry for myself. But I am just so scared about going. I have never taken my DSs to the dentist, for which I am deeply ashamed, and I need to overcome this huge hurdle for their sake, if not my own.

OP posts:

Thunderduck · 30/03/2009 19:28

I can't even bear to be in the waiting room. That smell and the tension makes me ill.

FAQinglovely · 30/03/2009 19:31

have posted on that forum - hopefully someone will be able to help.

Original poster

naswm · 30/03/2009 19:36

Gosh what a lot of posts. I dont know what to say. I feel really awful though. I dont cry, but right now I almost could. I am going to find a corner and curl up.

OP posts:

HolyGuacamole · 30/03/2009 19:45

OK, I am the biggest phobic around, honestly it's embarrassing. I know what it is like to jump out of a dentist chair, run out to the street and cry my eyes out, panic attacks the lot. I have had hypnotherapy, didn't work for me.

The link below for dentalfearcentral is FANTASTIC and even in capital letters that is an understatement. I'll try to keep this short as possible but I went onto that forum to ask about some my fear and to ask about treatment etc. A local dentist started to talk to me and he arranged for me to go and see him. I was very lucky because he worked at a hospital near me where they allow you to go for one treatment and after that you need to register with a dentist proper.

Anyway, the guy was fabulous. Before I went he asked me a million questions and told me loads of things, like the danger of leaving an abscess in your mouth . I had a broken back tooth that was severely infected for the umpteenth time and massively painful. So I went and he had a good chat with me before even asking me to sit in the chair, he held my hand and I cried and shook with fear . I was consciously sedated and had the tooth removed. I have no memory of it whatsoever and the next thing I remember is waking up on my sofa at home hours later feeling fine, a tiny little bit sore but completely fine. The whole procedure cost £17 (this was last summer)

That guy was amazing and I believe if you find a good dentist who won't laugh at you or treat you like an idiot, you're halfway there. The sedation was brilliant. My DH was in the room all the way and he said I was awake and chatting nonsense the whole time but I can't remember that

Go and get it done. See if your local hospital has a drop in dental suite and talk to them. Honestly, it is the best thing I have done. I'm still scared shitless but I know I can have the sedation and it has changed me for the better. Honestly, ask on the dentalfearcentral forum and look into NHS services in your local hospital.

A broken tooth or missing filling is an abscess waiting to happen. And, dental abscesses are only an inch or two away from your brain!!! Do it and do it now!!! If I can do it, anyone can.

FAQinglovely · 30/03/2009 19:48

god just reading more of that website of the "common fears" - I think it's more a case of which ones I don't have than have

Thunderduck · 30/03/2009 19:49

Have a look at this place FAQ. If you've no experience with them. I haven't seen any reviews yet but their site emphasises gentle treatment and that they're equipped to deal with dental phobics.

They appear to take both NHS and private patients.

www.oradi.co.uk/

Thunderduck · 30/03/2009 19:50

I know the feeling FAQ. What are yours if I may ask?

FAQinglovely · 30/03/2009 19:55

embarrassment, loss of control, pain, needles, sounds and smells (I'm not too bad with the "sights"), the drill, unnecessary treatment, can't get numb, extensive treatment, gagging.........ermm think that's the key ones - a few others that aren't really fears - just "not likes"

Thunderduck · 30/03/2009 19:56

Those are precisely my fears too.

FAQinglovely · 30/03/2009 20:02

thanks for that link - I don't think I've tried - them - there's LOADS of dentist on that part of the street they're on - and I know there was one that had the most horrible dentist imaginable, I left there just wanting to cry after an emergency appointment when I was pg with DS2 he made me feel like total shit.

DH saw him too and didn't like him either (and he's totally blaze about visiting them)

I might try and send them an email at some point......

Thunderduck · 30/03/2009 20:16

Yes an e-mail is a good idea. You can explain your fears and judge by the reply if they're the right dentist for you and will be appropriately sympathetic and understanding.

FAQinglovely · 30/03/2009 20:19

well yes - especially as I also have a bit of a thing about calling people on the phone unless I know them - I usually only have pizza for my rare takeaways........because I can order online so don't have to ring up.

Thunderduck · 30/03/2009 20:21

I don't really like calling people either. I can do it but have to prepare myself for it first. Even though I spent years working in jobs that required me to call people and take calls all day.

FAQinglovely · 30/03/2009 20:25

oh some I'll just avoid totally - or get other people to make .

ShelleyLou once rang round local locksmiths for me (using yell) to find someone to come and let me into my house on freezing cold day when I was stuck outside with a 1yr in his pushchair as I couldn't do it myself

Thunderduck · 30/03/2009 20:29

I'm sorry, that must be incredibly difficult for you to deal with. Thank heavens for the internet and e-mail though.

dustyteddy · 30/03/2009 20:32

Just sending you some moral support op. I have dental phobia and know how debilitating it can be. I don't talk about it in rl, only my dh knows. It's nice to have some support from trusted family. I managed a dental appointment last year, quaking in fear! It was well worth it, please try your best to make an appointment.

FAQinglovely · 30/03/2009 20:33

I know - and she doesn't even live in the same town as me - hence her having to use Yell to find some lol.

Yes I love internet and email - it's my life save. I don't know how many unneccesary trips I've made to places (schools, council, library, shops etc) to ask a question rather than ring up about it . Still at least all the walking keeps me fit

(and otoh I can spend literally hours on the phone to friends hehe)

BrokenFlipFlop · 30/03/2009 22:46

Must admit I too have dental phobia (have nightmares beforehand then vomit before going into surgery etc)so you all have my sympathies.

Anyway, I now have a brilliant dentist - I don't know about everyone else but it has made such a difference actually finding someone who is patient and calm/quiet. Its an NHS practice but the app's are always min of 30 mins long (I generally book an hr)which means that there's no rush and plenty of time to explain things and go at my pace. It doesn't make it 'easy', just bearable.

Of course I still detest going and have to take an entire day off, have someone come to the door of the surgery with me to make sure i actually go inside, go shopping afterwards to purchase 'congrats you're so clever you made it thru an app' type presents, BUT finding a lovely (and good looking) dentist has really really helped.

I know everyone is different and has to deal with it in their own way but big hugs anyway.

sarah293 · 31/03/2009 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

nickschick · 31/03/2009 08:37

I am so scared too.

Im lucky I have a fantastic dentist who is so laid back and calm as soon as im too scared or it hurts or feels uncomfortable he stops- hes fab.

I didnt go for 15 years by the time i went i needed 2 extractions and lots of fillings.

I think the trick is to find a dentist you trust.

really you all must go -toothache is a bitch of a pain.

nickschick · 31/03/2009 08:38

IF ANYONE IN MY AREA WANTS MY DENTISTS NAME JUST ASK ....HES REALLY GOOD.

Buda · 31/03/2009 08:46

It is such a shame that previous experiences put so many people off dentists and cause life long trauma and phobias.

I think that these days dentists are so much more aware of the phobia and most will try their best to help people with phobias.

Please please try and find someway of finding a dentist you trust. A guy my Dad knew died 2 years ago from a dental abcess.

Original poster

naswm · 31/03/2009 22:27

I had to walk away from this thread last night, but I feel more composed to post again now.

Okay, this is my situation. I was sexually abused as a child. I also had oral perfomed on me, in my mouth, by a man. The legacy of which means I am terribly phobic of anything in my mouth. And I have phobias of vomit (me, and of others) and of the denist. I have recurrent flahsbacks of choking and suffocating and being unable to breathe. I suffer panic attacks and anxiety. I am in regular therapy and have a psychiatrist.

I do have a vg dentist who knows I am phobic, and I have in fact taken someone (my therapist in fact) with me to appts in the past. I do all the things already suggested, and in the past have had conscious sedation. (It's not an option for me now though). The trouble is, the fear is still there for me, and whenever I open my mouth and lie back in that chair, I am five years old again and it all comes back to me - not the thoughts, but the sensations. Anyone who has had suffered flashbacks will know what I mean here, so it is not simply a a matter of clearing my mind of it - it is about survival. And survival means flight or flight. And whilst I am powerless to fight, I flee.

OP posts:

nickschick · 31/03/2009 23:08

naswm....im so sorry for you (((u)))).

Original poster

naswm · 31/03/2009 23:22

Thanks for the (((())) nickschick (great name btw) I like hugs

I am ok, on the face of it I am an outgoing, confident, woman but underneath the mask and hard exterior I am still that little girl who wasnt allowed to grow up, and who I have since abused in return for the past 35 years. But I am not learning to love her again, as I should have done all along, but it is hard, and things like the dentist present me with huge problems. I am actually wondering whether I shoudl have the GA (which I was offered last time) and be done with it.

Sorry to hear you suffer re the dentist too. {{{{{}}}}}

OP posts:

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