Not sure how much more i can do

[puddytats]

Really really struggling today with thoughts of not wanting to be here any more. I started taking anti-depressants again about a month ago because life was getting too much, they are the same ones i was on a couple of years ago and eventually i was able to sort myself out but not before hitting rock bottom. I can't stop thinking how worthless i am today, i struggled to get out of bed, my 'bubble' in my chest is huge and i cannot burst it. i just want to find a rck and never come out. Don't expect any replies, just needed to tell people who it will not upset and worry.
Thank you

Hang on in there puddytats.

Peanut - yes, it was when I went to the GP, got signed off work and started on ad's. When I actually admitted to myself that I was depressed. I worked for a psychiatrist at the time and I typed tons of letters about our patients who were depressed but was in complete denial that I was ill. It was just a virus lol.

It helped immensely because it took the pressure off me to "pull myself together". I no longer had to get up in the mornings and try to get myself to work and speak to people, when all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball. I no longer had to cope with the demands of a busy job, and all the feelings of failure that went along with the fact that I wasn't coping.

I can remember sitting in my office crying because I just couldn't face taking the post to the post room along the corridor. It seems bizarre now that I managed to fool myself that I was ok, but that's what depression does.

So, giving in to it and getting signed off and some ads was the start of me having some time out and putting myself back together again, and looking back I wish I had done it months earlier as I needn't have struggled like I did.

I have a Doctors appointment at 5.30 today, he is going to review my meds and put me forward for counselling again. I am going to go home in a bit.
Thank you all again
xxx

Hope it went well puddytats xxx

I have been referred to the crisis team, they will be contacting me tomorrow, he let me go home on the condition i am not alone at any point and i have an appointment with him on Friday to review everything. Thank you everyone

Oh that's good news puddytats. I hope they are able to give you some really good support. You take good care xx

Well done puddytats for letting him know exactly how you are feeling. Let us know how you get on tomorrow. xxx

puddytats, well done. I hope you are feeling ok today and had a good night.

Surfermum - thanks for sharing that. I've been on ADs for a while now but things are still a bit crap. I have real trouble with my job (didn't manage to make it in at all yesterday was in such dread). Part of me worries about giving this whole thing more validity than it deserves but the other part of me wrestles with admitting it is not just a figment of my imagination and I actually need to do something more about it. I'll stop hijacking puddytats thread now but if you have any other wise words I would be more than happy to hear them thread here

Sorry about the hijack again puddytats. Keep talking here...wish you all the strength and support you need right now X