Not sure how much more i can do

[puddytats]

Really really struggling today with thoughts of not wanting to be here any more. I started taking anti-depressants again about a month ago because life was getting too much, they are the same ones i was on a couple of years ago and eventually i was able to sort myself out but not before hitting rock bottom. I can't stop thinking how worthless i am today, i struggled to get out of bed, my 'bubble' in my chest is huge and i cannot burst it. i just want to find a rck and never come out. Don't expect any replies, just needed to tell people who it will not upset and worry.
Thank you

oh puddytats, can you see a doctor today and tell them how you are feeling. You may need to change your anti-depressants.

I am at work at the moment, by boss is off ill which leaves me in charge, have done no work so far, just sat and stared at the papers in front of me. I feel like a fraud, sat here while everyone else is happy. Just want today to be over so i can crawl into bed and stay there forever

Phone the drs and get an emergency appt for this afternoon. Never mind that your boss is ill - you need to see a doctor, that is more important xxx

It is pathetic, i only sawthe doctor last week and felt like i was at least getting balanced again, if not better and then today the steam train hits me again and i just don't know what to do any more. I hate feeling like this, i hate worrying my husband (who is fantastic and deserves so much more than i can give him), i hate that my children do not have a proper mummy at the moment. I just hate myself for everything i am

I'm so sorry you feel so awful today.

Can you try and remember that you've felt this way before and you have got better? You will get better again.

Your dc have a lovely mummy who is going to get better. Your dr needs to know how you are feeling xxx

I just don't understand why i have gone downhill again. I am so sorry this is a really pathetic, self obsessed thread, i keep telling myself to snap out of it etc but i just can't. I know i should go back to the doctor but i will so stupid having said last week i think things are improving only to walk in today saying that they have not. I love my kids and husband so much and don't think that i will ever leave them, but i have been that low before and i am terrified i am getting there again, therefore becoming a self fulfilling prophecy. I know i should stop thinking about that period and how bad it was but i can't help myself. I have so much to live for so why am i feeling so useless and worthless? I know no one can answer for me, i just need to get it out

puddytats, your dr will not think you are stupid for going back this week and saying you have gone downhill - that is the right thing to do and that is what they are there for. It is no good your dr thinking that the AD's are working if they are not. They need to know how you are feeling so your AD's can be changed if necessary.

Phone the surgery xxx

oh sweetie - no great advice but it really does sound like you need to talk to your GP and fast. be kind to yourself, try not to dwell on what happened before, other than to remember it passed. good luck

Thank you everyone for the support, i cannot get an appointment with my GP today and i do not want to just see anyone as he knows my history. I have to phone the surgery at 8.30 again tomorrow morning and try and book an emergency appointment then.
It feels like so long that i have felt 'normal' i can't remember what it it, maybe i am just striving for too much, i just want to wake one day and not dread getting up and having to deal with the day

Arghh I hate having to try and get an appointment at the Drs. Let them know it is an emergency and don't be fobbed off tomorrow.

Take care x

I am worried about driving home because i have no concentration. I am taking pills for anxiety as well but they are just not helping today, does anyone know what will happen if i walk into A&E and say how bad i am? 'Saying' it out loud has made me realise that i must get it sorted and do not want/think i can wait until tomorrow, i know how i feel and i know what i am thinking about doing simply to make the bubble go away. Is this classed as an emergency or will i be wasting the time of Doctors who have properly ill/hurt people to look after.
I feel like i am drowning and do not know how to stop it

Really hope someone with experience will come along but yes, it is an emergency. Either go along to your drs and present yourself as an emergency or go to A&E. Go now puddytats. Is there anyone that you can phone to take you to drs/hospital? xxx

Yes, it's an emergency sweetie. Phone them back and tell them exactly how you are feeling. You can't help how you are feeling and you can't just "pull yourself together". It's your illness, it's not a reflection on you.

My dh will take me if i ask him to, He knows i have not been feeling great today but not how bad it has got. Part of me feels wait to see what happens tomorrow and the other part is dreading tomorrow already, i just don't know what is the best thing to do any more. So many people have problems and cope with them, i just don't understand why i am so weak and pathetic

Surfermum is right - it is your illness, nothing to do with being weak. Phone DH and let him take you. The sooner you go, the sooner you can get better. xxx

You aren't weak and pathetic at all, you're just ill. I can remember your threads from a while back and you are incredibly strong.

Give your husband a call and give the GP a call.

Please leave work and get some help. I know exactly how you are feeling and you have to take that first step.

hope you are ok and got some help - you don't sound weak and pathetic, just ill. Good luck.

Hope you managed to see someone or seeing someone today xx

I am waiting for my GP to call me back, i was hoping i would wake up today and feel better but it did not happen, i have managed to persuade the receptionist - by breaking down on the phone - to get him to call me.
Thank you again for listening to me
xxx

That's good puddytats - let him know exactly how you are feeling when you speak to him. xxx

Perhaps you just need to accept that this isn't just going to get better overnight? That's not meant to sound unsympathetic - I've been there and I remember how much I fought things. "Oh a good night's sleep and I'll be alright" " a weekend off work and I'll be OK again". I only truly started to get better when I gave in to it and stopped fighting how I was feeling and got some help.

I hope your GP is helpful. Take good care and let us know how you're getting on .

well done puddytats, and good luck

[hijack alert] [surfermum, what did you do when you "gave into it" do you mean went to Gp and got some meds or something else? sorry to pry (ignore me if you like) but feel I am on a cusp of something and could go either way right now - have just filled in questionaire for psychotherapy and it has thrown me somewhat]

Still heard nothing from the Doctor, i feel so helpless and worthless now. Last time i felt like this i sat and counted every pill in the house. I so desperatly do not want to feel like that again, but it is all just spiralling out of my control. I know i never want to leave my children but they are all that are holding me down at the moment. I just don't know anymore