I think I have a problem with food, which is in turn leading to massive problems in other areas ...

[Disenchanted3]

I'm very insecure, I'm demanding, controlling and angry.

I don't let my husband do anything without an argument or me crying

I take things out on my husband when I shouldn't and alot of it is because I hate the way I look.

My3rd child is 9 weeks old and I need to loose weight.

I've steadily been gaining after each child since my 4 yr old was born (have 3 babies under 4.3)

After DS2 was born, well when he was about 18 months I lost a good few stone and got married. I felt fab.

Soon after I got pregnant and now I weigh just over 13 stone.

I have no self control over eating.

I go in the kitchen to get baby wipes and eat a kitkat

I come down at 6 am to get baby a bottle and scoff a caramel bar,

You don't know how much it hurts me to admit this.

I am embaressed.

I am embarresed because my DH will go to get something from the treat cupboard and i will have eaten it all.

Im crying now, I feel like such a pig.

I do this, he supports me but then I just slip back into it.

I want a strict diet, its the only way I can do things!

Last time I did and exercise DVD EVERY day , watched my eating and took herbal pills too.

I don't know where I got the drive to do it.

Don't think I could now.
Maybe Im depressed?

Everything seems like an effort.

Its very hard for me to post this,

unbelievably hard.

I like to hide away... but Im not namechanging because I want to do something about everything.

If i name changed i could hide again tomorrow, but this way its out in the open.

So many things are wrong at the moment, I don't know where to start.

I feel like I can sort this myself , so i dont feel completely hopeless, i want to try before going to see GP!

LOL ruby, that's one for the round up.

Really really sorry you are feeling so bad. I spent most of my childrens' baby and toddler years feeling much as you describe - stressed, angry, depressed (?) and I also ate lots of chocolate (and still do), at funny times and usually secretly - I did it because I liked it, it made me feel better while I was eating it and given that I couldn't sleep, drink, have even a moment to myself etc etc and it was cheap, freely available and not hurting anyone else it didn't/doesn't seem too bad as vices go! The problem is, as you have said, that you then feel bad/weak because you have done it at all, bad because you feel/become fat and also physically bad because of immediate sugar high followed by slump (so eat more chocolate etc etc). I did go to my GP about it and did have counselling around feeling anxious but the counsellor was excellent and discussed far more wide reaching things all around general anxiety, being controlling, parenting, eating etc, all of which were linked for me. This did help at the time but I am pretty sure in retrospect that it all started from PND (undiagnosed) and sheer exhaustion. In your case you must be just shattered with 3 tinies inc a newborn and maybe (??) PND. Definitely speak to your GP and really do make it quite clear just how awful you are feeling and I'm sure she will take it seriously - I wish I had gone much earlier, but I felt embarassed and neurotic, and didn't go early enough. Sorry, reading that back that doesn't sound very upbeat, but what I am trying to say is that professional help could really benefit you and while I totally agree with very sound advice about healthy meals, envigorating walks etc, it perhaps isn't that simple if you are feeling very low. Really hope you feel better soon

i meant this line:
'fwiw I don't think you are a real mother until you have run across the Principles shop floor in your bra, chasing a toddler'

How are you feeling this morning Disenchanted?

I think all mums have the worry of going to classes and places where we feel our parenting skills are being judged, I'd break out in a cold sweat every time I went to the HV's and had to get dd undressed for weighing. There was the whole she-is-going-to-pee-all-over-the-place panic whilst their naked, and then the whole people-are-gasping-about-how-slow-I-am-in-dressing-dd-when-she-is-screaming-like-a-banshee panic when getting them dressed again.

I'm sure its all in our minds, I never really took any notice of anybody else in the hv's, so I dont know why I thought they were paying attention to me!

Feeling a bit about letting it all spill.

I told DH I had posted something on here and he read it. We had a talk last night, not everything Id like to talk about but its a start.

I think I'm just very guarded lately and am finding it hard to be close to him.

I think we are going to sit down together adress the biggest issues first and try and make an action plan.

Cheers again x

And I think food is one of the smaller problems, its just that last night I focused on it because its easier to admit that than any of the other stuff going on!

oh honey ((hug)) for you

great you talked to DH. you won;t srot everything perfectly , but talking is a start!

you have 3 under 5. no wonder you are stressed/knackered/no energy plus you have financial issues if DH not worked for a year, and the stress of his health too

you don;t have t o be perfect. your kids love you !

you need to find time for yourself, if DH is around then you should find an hour a day at least to take some time out.

be kind to yourself