I think I have a problem with food, which is in turn leading to massive problems in other areas ...

[Disenchanted3]

I'm very insecure, I'm demanding, controlling and angry.

I don't let my husband do anything without an argument or me crying

I take things out on my husband when I shouldn't and alot of it is because I hate the way I look.

My3rd child is 9 weeks old and I need to loose weight.

I've steadily been gaining after each child since my 4 yr old was born (have 3 babies under 4.3)

After DS2 was born, well when he was about 18 months I lost a good few stone and got married. I felt fab.

Soon after I got pregnant and now I weigh just over 13 stone.

I have no self control over eating.

I go in the kitchen to get baby wipes and eat a kitkat

I come down at 6 am to get baby a bottle and scoff a caramel bar,

You don't know how much it hurts me to admit this.

I am embaressed.

I am embarresed because my DH will go to get something from the treat cupboard and i will have eaten it all.

Im crying now, I feel like such a pig.

I do this, he supports me but then I just slip back into it.

I want a strict diet, its the only way I can do things!

Last time I did and exercise DVD EVERY day , watched my eating and took herbal pills too.

I don't know where I got the drive to do it.

Don't think I could now.
Maybe Im depressed?

Everything seems like an effort.

Its very hard for me to post this,

unbelievably hard.

I like to hide away... but Im not namechanging because I want to do something about everything.

If i name changed i could hide again tomorrow, but this way its out in the open.

So many things are wrong at the moment, I don't know where to start.

I feel like I can sort this myself , so i dont feel completely hopeless, i want to try before going to see GP!

And please don't be mean

Please, stop being so hard on yourself. You have a nine week old baby, and you cannot think straight when you're sleep deprived and hormones are still all over the place.

Get rid of your treat cupboard. When I was on mat leave I found it easy not to eat chocolate and crap because I didn't buy it, if its not there, you cant touch it. (and then I went back to work and fell off not only the chocolate wagon, but the coffee wagon, and the bacon buttie for breakfast wagon...)

Have you spoken to your DH?

Do you think that it is worth speaking to your GP? A diet is easy to follow (you have done it before ) but if that is not the root cause of your feelings, it might be worth talking to somebody.

you must be exhusted with 3 under 5,

i am knackered and i only have 1 to look after,

i nearly cried myself this morning when i tried an old suit on ready to go back to work and i cant even get it past my hips!

it used to be on the big side too

Hey, no-one's going to be mean to you - if they are I'll chase then with my pitchfork!

I'm sure someone will be along soon to give you proper advice - just didn't want your post to go unnoticed

(and no doubt people have posted in the time it's taken me to type this)

DH is a treat monster though, and he is very slim.

Which makes me feel even worse, he has a washboard tummy which is lush but not when Ive got a sack of spuds stapled to everypart of me.

Everythings wrong int hat Ive lost all confidence as a mother, a wife, a person

I feel like Im not worth anything.

Im a horrid person and Ive ofeten thought me family would be better off ithout me.

I dont mean I want to hurt myself but if i just werent here they would be alot happier because i cause so much stress and arguments with my awful behaviour

Sometimes I think i should just take the baby and go because shes the only one who hasnt been affected by me yet and if its just us then i wont be that person anymore. Because i wont have my husband to argue with

I do feel you need to talk to your GP, I dont think a diet is your magic answer. You seem very down.

(And if your DH is supportive, he'll keep the treats out the house)

Got to take dd to bed, will be back shortly.

Your baby is 9 weeks old. You need to cut yourself some slack. Do you eat nutritious proper meals as well as snacking? I find if i don't eat enough protein and good fat I start needing chocolate and stuff. Try to eat lean meat or fish every night, make yourself some nice fruit and yoghurt smoothies, try to 'treat' yourself with other things. But please don't be so hard on yourself - 3 babies under 4 is a huge strain.

HV isnt approachable at all.

gp is nice.

I dont have any friends,

i honestly dont, just my mum and sisters

i feel pathetic

pmsl @ self love

i go to a toddler group but DH comes too

im so dependant on him, its because he was signed off work nearly a year ago and hes been waiting to see a certain doctor and do a course of treatment but his app keep getting cancelled,

they cancled 5 out of the 6 so far so hes still at home.

thats why i feel so crap

its like hes a better mum than me

and i cant do anything alone anymore

oh my darlin!!

you have just had a little baby! you mustn't worry about your weight...try to focus on getting some rest!

you are eating the choc to get energy..your body NEEDS IT! don't feel guilty, get out there and buy more choc!

can you talk to your hubby about how you feel?

seriously wait till you are at least 6 months
forward and check out foodfocus.co.uk, it is working for me.

This ridiculous pressure to lose weight fast comes from those bloody silly movie stars. You dont have a dietician/personal trainer/ 24hr nanny all that jazz so just try and relax and go easy on yourself.

Well done for posting, a brill positive step!!

now go eat a kit kat and smile!

i'm not sure i could cope with 3 under 4 alone. You are being too hard on yourself. Are you eating 3 proper meals a day? You have a little baby and it sounds like you have PND. Can you go to your gp?

sounds like you need a bit of a chat with your dh to figure out some space, I bet he feels frustrated with all the cancellations and is just putting all his energy into helping you out, but in turn you feel like he is insinuating you can't cope...
have a talk.

share a kitkat!

hope you dont think I am making light, I really am not. I have 2 kids, a 21/2yr and a 7mth old, I know how knackered they make me so you must be in a diff ballpark!!

A lot of mums feel like they have no friends, but we are all in it together. see if your dh can work with you and let you just take one of your kids to a toddler group on your own. to give you space to bond with some other mums

I know how you feel and am hope I am not patronising but just a few tips I think might help you.

Why not sent DH to the toddler group and go for a walk on your own. Exercise should cheer you up. Empty the treat cupboard and get some healthy snacks instead (DH plus DC can get their own treats and eat them there and then).

Re food, make sure you eat little and often, have three meals and at least two good snacks, maybe join a group or the diet that works brilliant for me is the GL diet by Patrick Holford, even Dh likes the food and he is a serial snacker/choc addict.

And last but not least dont be hard on yourself! having only just had a baby is a huge achievement (and three under 5 deserves a medal!)

I never thought of taking baby for long walk, i think id like that.

there is a baby massage class i mean to go to but im worried she will cry loads and ill get flustered trying to dress her and look stupid, i go really red.

thats another thing (i told you there were lots) i worry alot

my mum wants t take older 2 to soft paly tomorrow but i said no because its a saturday and it will be busy - im scared they will get lost or run away or be taken if im not there

youve got all the time in the world to get fit and slim, now all the babymaking is finished!

(It is finished, right? )

I always worry mine will be kidnapped while dh takes them shopping
that's natural.
sounds like your family are trying to help, Id let her take them!

i have to go now, need to tidy up. will check back later.

but thank you all so much, i feel better after admitting this to someone and haaving a little cry.

thanks.

everybody has those baby-massage related anxieties.....

I never dared go to yoga in case I farted!!
PMSL cant believe I admitted that

after Ive had the kids I have even less ... control down there...

i used to have those worries about ds at soft play centres but really i think it is important you get a bit of help. I'm sure your mum will guard them with her life! And they can't let anyone in without a child, can they? I would really try to let her take them if you can. It would be a step in the right direction.
My sister took ds to soft play at half term and i had to literally put my hand in my mouth to stop saying 'you won't let anyone kidnap him will you'