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Original poster

I feel like I'm teetering on the edge.

32 replies

Saltire · 25/02/2009 15:10

DH goes off tonight for 4 months - thankfully not anywhere dangerous. However, since I got out of hospital on Monday, I have done nothing but cry. I keep having major panic attacks, crying, I keep saying I don't want him to leave me here, which is true, I don't I hate it here, and ma getting really distressed at the thought of bieng here on my own.
I want my mum, and shes about a 7/8 hour drive away.
I still have the pain in my chest, and am crying so much I am almost hypervientilating. I need to calm down but I can't. DH is getting stressed because I am in such a state, and he has a headache now.
The Dses are due home from school any minute, Dh is upstairs finishing off his packing, he leaves at 5pm

OP posts:
cornsilk · 25/02/2009 15:18

for you saltire

OrmIrian · 25/02/2009 15:19

Oh shit, saltire .

Original poster
Saltire · 25/02/2009 15:30

thanks. I really need to try and calm down but I can't, I'm getting more and mroe wound up.

OP posts:
bellavita · 25/02/2009 16:04

aww saltire

Original poster
Saltire · 25/02/2009 17:25

Well, that's him away. I'm used to this, I've had 15 years of it, but I just can't do it anymore, I really can't

OP posts:
cornsilk · 25/02/2009 17:26

Oh no saltire. Is there anyone who can come round and be a shoulder to cry on?

Original poster
Saltire · 25/02/2009 17:34

I don''t really know anyone

OP posts:
LucyEllensmummy · 25/02/2009 17:35

just wanted to add my support - difficult time for you. You will get through it - have you spoken to DH about packing all of this in - maybe set a limit, even if it is two years time, you'll have a light at the end of the tunnel

bellavita · 25/02/2009 17:49

You are on my fb saltire, but not sure where you live? I am in a village in York - are we too far apart to have a coffee?

cornsilk · 25/02/2009 19:34

Are you feeling any better saltire?

Original poster
Saltire · 25/02/2009 19:42

Bella - thanks for the offer, I'm in Hampshire though.

I don't really feel any better. My mum thinks my depression ahs reared it's head again. it does this occasionally, ahs done since I had PND with DS2. I really feel like I can't cope. I clamed down enough to amke the Dses some dinner, and Ds2 is now in teh bath and DS1 at footie, I think I'll get school uniform ready for tomorrow and then go to bed early.

I am wondering if I can increase my Amitryptiline? I take 20mg at night for my Fibromyalgia, and it's an AD. I have done this once before, wehn i was stressed out, increased it just to 30mg.

I also have had what I think is a panic attack. As some of you may know I was rushed into hsopital on Saturday with a suspected heart attack. it wasn't but the pain is still there, and I had palpitations and was swaeting and felt dizzy, and am sure it was a panic attack.

I can't believe how low I feel.

OP posts:
cornsilk · 25/02/2009 19:59

Poor you, that must be really hard.

Mamii · 26/02/2009 08:26

MPP! You really sound in need of some support. NCT can put you in touch with other mum's in your area. I used this network when I was home with my DD & DS and I've made some life-long friends. I know when you feel so low it's daunting to make the call and go and meet a bunch of strangers. But it really sounds like you need to meet people in your area and have some support around you. Call your Health Visitor - they DO help you. Do you feel comfortable talking to your doctor? Use all the resources available to you. I had PND when my DS was 8 months. I ended up having a complete breakdown as I didn't get the support I so desparately needed. Please just make a few calls. These people are there for you - you just need to set the wheels in motion to allow them to help. Do what ever you need to do to heal yourself. Keep posting, just talking helps too. X

shootfromthehip · 26/02/2009 08:35

You may be depressed but also you may just be daunted by the mammoth task that you perceive to have ahead of you. Who wouldn't? Your DH and friend is going away for a LONG time and leaving you to be a single parent. That would scare the crap out of me! Add to this the fact that you are isolated and you have a naturally difficult situation. I too would be a state. You need to find something to focus on... do you work? If not then maybe you could volunteer or do something that integrates you a bit.

I think that when your DH comes back, you really need to have a talk about changing your lifestyle. Maybe you could retrain and get a job that would help make a change more feasible? Wish I could help.

Keep your chin up and remember that how you are feeling is totally understandable.

ilovesprouts · 26/02/2009 08:39

hiya panic attacks are not nice as i have them too i really feel for u

OrmIrian · 26/02/2009 11:20

saltire - You have my utmost sympathy. I get panic attacks and anxiety. Am on citalopram. I can quite understand how isolate you feel. You haven't been there long iirc. I'm in Somserset so nearer than York but still a long way. Do you have anyone there to talk to?

Original poster
Saltire · 27/02/2009 21:53

I am sitting on my hands. I ahve to, the DSes are driving me nuts. Ds1 keeps telling me to fuck off if I tell him or ask him to do something - for example he asked if he could go into our room and watch the rugby, i said yes but only until 9.15. When i went up to turn it off and ask him to go to his own bed he started jumjping ont eh bed and has broken 3 of the metal bars that go across the base, he told me to fuck off and said "why should I go to bed, you can't make me",now they are both in teh same room, swearing at each other and winding each other up, and I just want to sit in the corner and cry.

OP posts:
Yurtgirl · 27/02/2009 22:02

for you Saltire

Are your ds normally so horrid or is this a blip?

Sorry Im not aware of the full details of your situation but big hugs to you cos I can really sympathise with your struggles and problems

{{{{{}}}}}}}}

Original poster
Saltire · 27/02/2009 22:09

No they are not usually as bad as this.
it's becasue DH is away for 4 months, and they know I don't have the physical or at this moment in time, the emotional strength to tackle them. i really don't

OP posts:
Yurtgirl · 27/02/2009 22:13

Saltire your poor thing - I would come round, read them a story about looking after you/being helpful and trap them into their beds with a sleep inducing device if I could

Original poster
Saltire · 27/02/2009 22:16

Aw thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Saltire · 27/02/2009 22:30

They have been arguing like this for ages now. I want to go to bed, but if they know I'm up there, they will be in and out of my bedroom wanting to sleep in my bed and saying "mmmuuuummm he did/said this/that or the other"!

OP posts:
Yurtgirl · 27/02/2009 23:10

Are they still up Saltire?

I hope things are easier tommorrow [hopeful]

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 27/02/2009 23:19

how old are they saltire? have you got a friend / family member in rl who can come round tomorrow and be with you?? it all sounds really hard what do your dcs respond to? do whatever it takes (well within reason) to get them settled to give yourself a bit of space...

Original poster
Saltire · 28/02/2009 11:24

They are 11 and 9. They finally went to sleep after 11 last night. DS1 was awake and in my room waking me at 6am. He then went downstairs, at this point his brother woke up and went downstairs and they started arguing.
We have been for a long walk with the dog and they just bickered and fought and moaned all the way. I lost it in the middle of a field and started yelling at them, and they jsut looked at me and carried on.
Have had 3 panic attacks already this morning and 2 crying sessions

OP posts: