I feel like shit - please come and cosset me :(

[naswm]

Okay I know I know........

But right now I feel shit and cant shift it.

sorry, internet disappeared

hopefully you have gone for a safe walk and the biting cold will do what you need it to x

Had bath. Hasn't helped. Still cant cry. Feel such an idiot. Years of hard work and therapy and I am right back to square one. Due to be seeing a couple of friends I met in hospital tonight. They are doing so well. I am not. I am a complete waste of space.

but it will take less time to get to square 2 this time because you know the way nas. Don't give up x

How are you today.

The sun is shining, it is a bright and clear day... It is a new day and the day you start to feel better.

Do the following...

stand up straight, let your arms drop to your sides, lift up your chin to the sky, close your eyes and smile...

It sounds a bit odd but is a little therapists trick! It does make you feel a it better - releases the happy chemincals in the brain.

I am ok. Numb, but ok. I hve achieved lots of things today (although not as much as I wanted - but then I set myself high targets).

I like your exercise georgie - I do things like that.

I just wish I could shake off this despondency, I am trying, but it isnt going. I am not depressed just fed up with life IYKWIM. Saw my Pyschiatrist this morning. I have a lof respect for her, but always get the impression both of us are 'ticking the boxes' really. There is nothing she can do so it is just a case of 'monitoring'

If the therapy isn't working you need to tell her. She may find it appropriate to refer you on.

Sometimes people set themselves high targets as they are really setting themselves up to fail (so they can mentally beat themselves up about it).

It soounds like you need to make a life assessment and see what needs to change to make your life more satisfying and meaningful.

If you have been having therapy you know that there will be ups and downs - times when you feel no further forward than when you started - but there will also be periods when you feel as if you can conquer the world. Things will get better.

You speak wise words, thanks Georgie. You are spot on re doing a life assessment. I think I have done that and it is the results of that that is causing me pain because I dont know how to achieve things.

The therapy is ok btw - I see a private pyschotherapist weekly - it was the psychiatrist (who I see monthly) who cannot do anything more at the moment IYSWIM. She said this week that she would be kidding me if she thought there was anything she could give me (ie pills) or do for me that we hadnt already tried (without going into too many details atm, I dont qualify for a lot of treatments, but I am on the (long) waiting list for a new specialised therapy regime - so in the meantime we are treading water hoping that that might 'help' although we both know that it might not.)

Today has not been a good day. Had a tough session this morning and have been fighting my repression since. Plus beating myself up for my failings.

I still need that cry and a cuddle