Being a mummy really makes me so unhappy....

[Schmauskin]

My 9 month dd has gone overnight from sleeping 7pm-7am to not settling and waking at 2.00am EVERY goddamn night. I am so bloody tired. I hurt all over, am very run down with constant sore throat and lots of spots. No family nearby for support, dh working in the evenings until June, so i feel very down and alone. I very committed to looking after my daughter, but it does feel my life is over. I had a ghastly birth, emergency 'c' section with ahorrible scar and since I became a mum it has brought very little but tears, exhaustion, panic, and an overwhelming sense of responsility. I used to sparkle and be gregarious - always organising social events, now I just want to go bed early and sleep so I can cope with the next day of parenting. I don't really see anyone apart from DH & DD. My dh and I sleep in separate rooms so that he doesn't disturb me when he comes in late from work, and so he isn't woken in the night when I have to tend to the baby. I often scared of all the decisions I have make about looking after my baby girl - what do I feed her today? should I let her have that afternoon nap? etc etc. I just want someone to hold me and tell me it's going to be ok, and that things will get better. I honestly have not enjoyed a single day of parenthood since I had her. It's all too much for me to cope with.

Scmauskin, my cousin admitted that when his ds was 3 months old he looked at his wife across the table and said 'do you like him?' and she said 'no' and he said 'I don't either' and they laughed and felt so much better for admitting it. I felt the same, I couldn't believe how shocking the whole thing was. This time round I knew what I was in for so I was expecting it and didn't feel as bad but with my first baby I was really, really shocked and wanted my old life back many a time. 9 months is hard because you're over the initial euphoria and supposed to be getting on with it but people aren't asking how you are any more and it isn't very rewarding yet imo! Hang on in there and keep posting, you're not alone plenty of us know the feeling

Oh and I didn't have a bad birth experience, but I think maybe talking to someone about yours might help, there's an organisation, hang on, I'll see if I can find it.

pruni - you've made the future sound very appealing... the interactive stage you describe is all I ever really pictured when I was pregnant. This stage is so fucking frought with worries and tiredness - I HATE IT!! I have the annable Karmel book but I am so sodding tired at the moment I'm burning toast. I have some 'Karmel' meals left in the freezr but will have to find the energy from somewhere to cook some more, as those jars just taste of GLUE. I don't think I have PND, but I have always been someone who's 'glass is half empty' so maybe ....

Birth Crisis might help

Scmauskin, sod Karmel, have a laugh at this thread, Karmel, helpful hints or one big guilt trip? and go and buy some jars to tide you over while you're this knackered and down, really. WEll, I think you should anyway, I would. And did. And I am organic pureed veggie Queen!

wickedwaterwitch - that really made me laugh! don't think DH would see the funny side of it - he's the kind that 'embraces the challenge' and loves every minute of parenthood, good or bad - bastard! I will check out the link you suggest, but now I really must go to bed as I am beyond tired, and i will need some sleep if i'm to be mummy all over again in the sodding morning. Will you promise to talk to me if post again? ( hey - no pressure!!)

PAH! I'm not surprised he breezes through it all if he gets so much sleep!!!

I felt similar to you, not quite so bad. Funnily enough it all went away as soon as I went back to work. Have you considered that as an option?

I would get dh to get up in the night too if I were you. Sounds to me like you are just way over-tired. xx

countess - I was self-employed and can still do a little bit of my old work now( model, so would be better if I lost that last stone though!) but frankly too knackered and can't afford the childcare...

Point out to him that if he falls off the stage it's no big deal but if you fall over and drop the baby on her head because you're knackered, BIG effing deal! I don't hold with this 'I work so can't get up in the night' business, I really don't. I was the main earner and still did every other night with dp (who was a sahd) for ages. So I have put my money where my mouth is! Yes I promise to talk to you if you post again as long as I see it, I can't read all threads Hope you sleep well. Night!

Have bananas and avocados, so will get mushing tommorow - just had a text fromn dh at work - THERE HAS BEEN ANOTHER EARTHQUAKE IN ASIA.

sorry wickedwaterwitch, what's a SAHD??

Stay At Home Dad. GO TO SLEEP!

night night all x

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Hi, yes its true, ive been through the mill lately, but I like to think that i can still offer support to others, i dont like to seeanyone else suffer, your birth experience sounds horrendous, you must feel traumatised, i had a horrific experience giving birth to dd 14 years ago, she nearly died, then when ds2 wasborn 4 years ago, he stopped breathing, ended up in special care and I eneded up with pnd as a result, when i started receiving treatment i admitted that i had been having flashbacks of the birth, reliving it over andover again.Try contacting your health visitor first, then try homestart Home-Start | Welcome
Family support organisation with branches across the country. Information about services for families with at least one child under five, and for...
www.home-start.org.uk/ I looked up North ,London on their page and they have plenty of centres, homestart also run mum and baby groups too. I think when you become a mum, you can feel like you have lost your identity, if you dh still works , you can feel like your only role in life is as someones mum, which is a bit of a culture shock, if you previously held down a responsible job, its sometimes more overwhelming to feel totally responsible for a little human being!!

hello again...dh was a star last night and slept with the monitor and dealt with dd when she woke ( briefly) at 2.30am then did her milk and breakfast, so I could sleep until 9.45am - BLISS!!!!!!!!!!!! I still feel overwhelmed with responsibility, but after a good night's sleep I feel much more able to cope.

its amazing how much better thingscan seem after a good nights sleep!

Getting some sleep really is the key to coping better. It is bloody hard work and often quite soul destroying looking after small children but you need the strength to get through it so you can enjoy the good bits.
I'm with www - working doesn't mean your dh can't help with the nights (I know he did last night but he needs to do more). Have you told him just how exhauted and overwhelmed you feel? Perhaps he would step into the breach more if he knew how bad you felt.
I went back to work when ds was 4 months and still a long way off sleeping through and I still did every other night. But that's not so bad as at least every other night you get to sleep.
It really does get easier. Dd is 4 and can amuse herself for ages, and she's more interesting to interact with although I still love a toothless grin from ds.
I would second the need to get out and interact with more people. As you get to know them better they will probably open up and you'll find that their lives aren't a bed of roses either. There's just an unwillingness to admit that you don't like it or find it difficult at first I think. It's a bit taboo to say you're not enjoying being a mum but I think most of us go through it.

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Oh I'm really pleased! See, it makes ALL the difference. Make him do MORE though! Show him this thread!