Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Original poster

I feel so down, I cant help but miss him

29 replies

tammybear · 04/03/2005 20:59

I feel so down. Im fine when Im busy, but even then I still think of dp but it gets even worse when Im at home, and dd's gone to bed, and Im all alone. I miss him so much and I think about him all the time

I havent spoken to him since Tuesday. Tuesday! Can you believe its only been three days, three days and it feels like a lifetime!!! I feel so upset, especially at the thought that maybe he's forgotten all about me already, just getting on with his life and not missing me or thinking about me at all.

I dont know what to do. I have to be strong during the day when Im at work, and when Ive with dd, but I just dont know what to do. I feel lost

OP posts:
Evesmama · 04/03/2005 21:08

i knew this was yours before i saw your name.

sending you a great big hug honey.you sound like your just having a bad time as youve been really 'up' and strong recently

Lonelymum · 04/03/2005 21:12

So sorry you feel this way. Can quite understand it though. Is he the father of your dd? Is he still going to maintain contact for your dd's sake? It is bound to be hard for you but you are still very much in the early days of coping alone so don't have too high an expectation of how you will feel.

namechangingnortherner · 04/03/2005 21:12

(((((((hugs)))))) to you Tammybear, do you know for sure that he's not thinking about you? I mean do you talk much on the phone e-mail etc...sorry for being ignorant but are you still together much (have a very bad memory at the best of times).

Original poster
tammybear · 04/03/2005 21:12

who else is it gonna be? lol. to be honest, i dont think ive really been that strong, i think im just trying to be okay just so i dont sit here crying my eyes out, especially in front of dd

OP posts:
Original poster
tammybear · 04/03/2005 21:15

lol, can u believe it, hes just texted me saying he misses me so so much. how freaky is that.

no were not together now northener

and no lonelymum he isnt dd's father

OP posts:
Evesmama · 04/03/2005 21:16

so 'hows IT going' with you two????

Original poster
tammybear · 04/03/2005 21:17

god knows evesmama. like i said i havent spoken to him since i spoke to him about dd's doctors appointment on tues. the first ive heard from him is just now

OP posts:
Lonelymum · 04/03/2005 21:31

Sounds hopeful tammybear!

Janh · 04/03/2005 21:41

Hi, tammybear - I have missed all this, last I heard he was moving college to be nearer to you...I wonder whether he's just had one of those last-minute male independence crises and flounced in an "I don't need anybody" kind of way? I have known a few men do that on the verge of commitment of one kind or another and after a while they got over it and came back and settled down.

Hope that happens for you. It sounds as if it might!

Original poster
tammybear · 04/03/2005 21:45

hi janh, bit of a long story whats happened but in a nutshell, i spoke to a guy i knew at work about dp and dp didnt like what was said as he thought it was personal and at the time i was upset with him so wasnt being nice about him. he now thinks he cant trust me because he thinks ive gone behind his back and betrayed him plus hes afraid that ill get close to this guy and leave dp for him as that is what sort of happened with me and dp when i was with ex. dp was my shoulder to cry on when i was with ex, and when i left ex, me and dp got back together.

OP posts:
Janh · 04/03/2005 21:47

Ohhhhh - not that straightforward then.

But you still love DP? You're not bothered about the other one???

Original poster
tammybear · 04/03/2005 21:48

i do love dp, and this guy is just someone i know from work. i admit ive been flirty with him, but this guys in a relationship too and we both are just having a laugh. im not attracted to him in the slightest

OP posts:
Janh · 04/03/2005 21:54

Have you replied to DP's text?

Original poster
tammybear · 04/03/2005 21:58

yeah, i said i miss him 2. but i dont know if ill hear from him again. like i always want to text him, and last night i did, which was to his old phone as i know he probably wouldnt get it, and least it was a way of contacting him. oh i dont know what to do. i shouldnt have texted him really, i dont know what he wants or what hes doing. just so confused

OP posts:
Evesmama · 04/03/2005 22:07

im off now honey, totally knackerd as been up with dd since 4am ish
she just couldnt sleep, think she either getting something else or this is the back end of last bug coming to a head...wish you a good nights sleep and a clear head.xxxxxx

Janh · 04/03/2005 22:08

Does he know (ie believe) that you really aren't interested in the other guy?

He has to trust you though, doesn't he...?

Original poster
tammybear · 04/03/2005 22:09

thanks evesmama, good luck with the dora cake search xxx

OP posts:
Evesmama · 04/03/2005 22:09

night sweetie.xxxx

Original poster
tammybear · 04/03/2005 22:11

janh, the way i see it, i dont think it is about trust, i think hes just afraid of getting hurt, and thats what he doesnt trust about me, iykwim. but thats just my view on it. it started off with him thinking i had cheated on him, which caused a lot of hurt, but then i made him see that i havent, but i also wonder if that hurt is affecting him too. i just dunno

OP posts:
Janh · 04/03/2005 22:14

Well I'm glad he is missing you too and I hope he comes back

Fimbo · 04/03/2005 22:15

I know you live a long way apart TB but couldn't you get someone to look after your dd and go and see him or meet up halfway and talk things through, neither of you sound as if you are ready to give each other up entirely. Does he know the guy from work is in a relationship? If you take up the offer of the new job you would be away from the guy anyway - perhaps you could make a fresh start then with dp? It is hard when you live miles away from your dp if you did move in together then maybe he could overcome the trust issues and see that you do truly love him? Sorry rambling now.

Take Care

Love Fimbo xx

Original poster
tammybear · 04/03/2005 22:21

thanks fimbo, i told dp on monday about the new job, but it upset him because it saw it as a way of me moving on with my life, which i didnt really understand. he knows this guy is in a relationship and that theyve been trying for a baby but they have complications. I dont know if Id be able to see him, the only day we would be able to see each other is on saturdays. He also said something about that Im too secretive for him. This is cos of this guy and because I didnt tell him that exp was coming to see dd on one of the days that dp was around, but i had told exp not to come, so didnt see the need to bring it up, plus i dont like talking about exp unless i have to, as it upsets both me and dp. And I said if he was living with me, then how could I have secrets from him, cos we'd always be together, and if exp wanted to see dd, then dp would have to know about it. I dont have any secrets, and besides I do find it hard enough to talk about stuff, especially to those close to me. I find it easier talking to people I dont know that well cos they can only judge on what I tell them, and then I can make an overview judgement on the advice they give me plus what I think myself. Does that make sense?

OP posts:
Fimbo · 04/03/2005 22:34

I see what you mean. I really do think you need to see him face to face and decide whether you are going to be together or not, you need to think about yourself and your dd, he seems (sorry if I have got it wrong) to be telling you all about his feelings but what about yours? You cannot spend the rest of your life constantly worrying about his feelings the whole time and trying your hardest to please him and not upset him - I have been there in a previous relationship and just felt like I had been crapped on from a great height all the time. Although I thought I loved this person it was all onesided and it wasn't until I met DH that I realised what love really was. I was with the other guy from 17 until I was 25 and looking back it was the most miserable time in my life although I wouldn't have said so at the time.

Original poster
tammybear · 04/03/2005 22:39

when we were talking, and the day he came to mine, think it was last monday, seems like forever ago! i kept saying that it didnt seem to matter how i felt, as everytime i tried to talk about how i felt, he would interrupt me, and he did stop and listen. i think he understands how i feel, but i dont know to be honest. i do think you're right, i do think we need to talk, as i dont know how he feels or what he wants etc, but i dont know if he understands how i feel. you know. i try to see it from his POV, and i want him to do the same for me, but i dont know if he has.

OP posts:
Fimbo · 04/03/2005 22:47

Sorry TB I am going to be brutal here, do you love him? I remember when my ex and I broke up and my immediate thought was omg what am I going to do on Saturday nights - most of my friends had long term boyfriends and I had visions of never ever going out again, although I don't need to have gangs and gangs of mates, I couldn't envisage living my life by myself iyswim. So sorry the brutal question is do you love him or is it you cannot face being by yourself (hope you are not annoyed at me because I truly don't mean to upset you).