Can someone please help me make sense of everything?

[charchargabor]

I don't know where to start, as I'm not sure what I'm really feeling right now. I don't think I'm depressed but I definitely don't feel right.

I feel incompetent, like I'm not really cut out for this parenting lark. I feel I let DD down every day because I'm not enough and not what she deserves. I'm not patient enough and I don't think I do enough with her. She seems happy enough but she doesn't know any better. I used to put feeling like this down to being tired, but DD is sleeping a lot better now so it's obviously not that.

I have mentioned on another thread about feeling bad about the way I look. I am making efforts to change this, but still feel bad. I don't like going out as I feel like people are laughing at me. Rationally I know people aren't, but I can't help feeling like this. I just look like shit all the time and even if I make an effort I still look rubbish. I feel like I'm letting DD down as well by not keeping myself healthy.

Also, I found out that a service user I used to work with died from cancer in the early hours of this morning. He had suffered a lot so it was a blessed release for him, but I adored him and am really upset, as is DP who worked with him as well.

I don't know, I suppose this is just an outpouring of emotions. I just don't feel right in this world, like I'm not as good as everybody else and I can't function well enough. I don't think anyone else would think this about me but I do. DP is lovely and is very supportive, but I haven't discussed this with him as we've been too busy and he is stressed as well. Hope you don't mind me letting it all out here. Thanks if you got this far.

[BigBadMousey]

Hey...how's it going?

[charchargabor]

Hi BBM, sorry just saw your message. You've prob gone to bed. I'm not so bad, plucked up courage to ring HV today and she was lovely. The phone call was weird though, I asked for HV and gave my name, and the receptionist I think came back saying she was a HV and asking what was wrong. When I said I felt low, she said she was going to get a pen, and then the HV came on the line. Was strange. She's coming on Monday afternoon to have a chat which has made me feel very relieved and not as frightened as I was. Am seeing my friend tomorrow at toddler group too. Have told her I feel low and we're going to talk. It's good to know I have support coming into place, I was so scared before. You have been a tremendous help and I appreciate that so much, you have helped me through these last few days. Thankyou. Am feeling a bit bad tonight but am distracting myself with the mn drama.

[BigBadMousey]

No I've been sitting here waiting and getting all worried young lady!

I'm really pleased you phoned your HV. Sounds like you're doing a fantastic job of getting some support in place. I'm glad i've helped a bit too but you have to give yourself a lot of credit for doing all this yourself - 'tis bloody hard when things are bad.

You know where to find me if you need to rant / chat anytime .

[charchargabor]

Know where you are bbm, same goes for you. We all need support sometimes. Thanks so much for everything. I felt like I was in a deep black hole, but am slowly coming up now. Will take a while, but this is the start.