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Mental health

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Original poster

feeling down to not wanting to admit to it

70 replies

rathernotsay · 20/02/2005 12:11

Posting under a different name as I'd rather people didn't know it was me.

For the last few weeks I've been feeling really low. Have trouble sleeping, getting upset over nothing in particular, worrying about silly little things and seem to have lost a lot of confidence, although I've never been very confident anyhow.

I did the online Edinburgh test last night and scored 16 on it. And I guess if I'm really honest with myself I am feeling quite depressed. However, when ever I tell myself that I'm depressed and should tell someone, a little voice in my head turns round and tells me not to be silly and there's nothing wrong just having an off day. Have done this in the past too when I've not been feeling happy with life.

Do you think I could be depressed, or am I just imagining it and creating illusions in my mind. Really confused

OP posts:

welshgirl · 22/02/2005 13:13

Just wondering how you're feeling? I felt exactly the same about you, managed to get to the drs eventually, but DH begged me not to take ADs, what other option did I have after 'resting' for 2 months and feeling no better. Does anyone have any idea why DH is so against ADs??? He even promised to give up smoking (big thing for him) if I didn't take the tablets???? Thinking of you, and hoping things go well at the docs, you've made the first and hardest step babe.

Gwenick · 22/02/2005 15:47

Thanks Welshgirl.

Sent him an email earlier to try and tell him how I was feeling (DH that is). Just managed to speak to him on the phone and it felt like I was being interrogated! Don't think he really believes me as he was asking how I could differentiate between my 'normal' personality and how I'm feeling at the moment.....when I told him a few things he turned round and said "well you used to do those things before you had children and they're things your dad does too" . Yes I KNOW I did, and I KNOW that's very like my dad. But my dad suffered from depression in the 1990's, as did my mum and my brother. And had undiagnosed (because I lied to the Dr.s) depression in the 90's too.

He's just said "well we'll wait and see what the Dr. says"

welshgirl · 22/02/2005 15:57

But, how is that attitude going to help you now??? I bet you just want to feel okay again (I don't want to use the word 'normal' cos who knows what 'normal' is???). Sounds like my DH, could be a bit more sympathetic, mine actually dismissed my depression saying there was nothing wrong with me, I think he was expecting to see a rash or spots or something and it made me feel awful to think he thought I was making it up???!! Hopefully your dr will help, maybe our hubbies were separated at birth! Keep your chin up hon.....

Gwenick · 22/02/2005 16:02

TBH it 'was' the sort of reaction I was expecting. He's usually wonderful and when I'm 'ill' really helps out lots asnd is fantastic with the kids.

But I remember just after DS1 was born seeing at hing on the news about men suffering from PND and he turned round and said something along the lines of "it's just an excuse, of course it's different having a baby"....

What is hard to explain to him is that I think I've had depression on and off since my teens, which would explain why some of the 'behaviour' I described to him was stuff I also did prechildren.

Trying not to let it bother me too much though, I had a crap morning (partly down to the 2 bottles of wine I consumed last night, and having only 2hrs sleep before DH brought DS2 downstairs and left him with me - I slept on the sofa - at 6.30am!) but was feeling a bit better this afternoon, managed to put a load of washing on, put the dishes (from yesterday) in the dishwasher, and put some bread in the breadmaker.

welshgirl · 22/02/2005 16:05

Bread in the breadmaker - my god girl, you're doing great, I've never made bread in my life!! Well done you, hope you enjoyed the wine, probably great last night eh!!! Don't worry about the house eh, you're more important than clean dishes!!! I'll have a sympathetic couple of glasses of wine tonight too! Thinking of you, hope all goes well with DH this evening (for us both!)

Gwenick · 22/02/2005 16:08

LOL - I never made bread before I got my breadmaker, but this is easy - just throw the stuff in and push 'start' - 4hrs later one loaf of bread

I had kind of hoped the wine would help me feel 'better' last night so I wouldn't be thinking about how I felt..........didn't work - and despite the hangover still felt cr*ppy - won't be trying that one again (and DH doesn't know yet that I drank the Martini Asti1 )

welshgirl · 22/02/2005 16:42

Just buy another bottle to replace it, he'll never know!!!! I usually save drinking wine til the weekend, but as DD has been a bit poorly recently, feel I need a glass tonight!!! Just one though eh??? I think having a breadmaker says you're a homely person, and I bet you're making it sound easier than it is eh??? DH would be v impressed to come home to fresh bread!!! Any other top tips?! See you've helped me already, bet you didn't even realise. It's been good chatting to you today, made me feel better, hope you feel better too.....

Gwenick · 22/02/2005 16:51

hmmm think he will notice - it was in the fridge, which is now 'nearly' empty as we do our shopping on a thursday everyweek.......it was kind of obvious sat on the top shelf next to the milk .

I'd definitely recommend just the one glass - and definitley not 2 bottles (although strangely when I weighed myself this morning discovered I've actually lost another 1lb!).

The breadmaker really is that simply honest! You just put the yeast in, throw the flour, salt, sugar and butter on top and add water. Get the right 'setting' (does different types of breads) and push start!

Thanks for the chat - I've been emailing DH again, told him I was upset

"I didn?t say you?re wrong about it but who decides whether you?ve got PND? You or the doctor? "

I repsponded but he hasn't replied back..........so another 1hr or so when he gets in will decide on whether we're on talking terms tonight.

welshgirl · 22/02/2005 17:34

Bless you, you sound just like me, my DH is due home shortly too, and we weren't talking last night either, think I'll have a long hot bath with that glass of wine tonight, and may even spoil myself with a face pack too. Maybe DH just needs time to absorb your email, it's probably out of his comfort zone or he lacks knowledge in that area and feels a bit useless??? Not sure, just guessing. Fill up the martini bottle with water, buy an extra bottle with the shopping on Thursday!!!!! (The bread sounds good, will have a look in the argos catalogue to see how much the breadmakers cost).

Gwenick · 24/02/2005 11:36

Just thought I'd give a quick update (if any is actually interested).

Didnt' mention how I was feeling to DH again until I'd been for my appointment this morning (he was a real sweetie actually and went into the office late so I didn't have to take the kids). Dr. says I do have a 'form of depression' and I'm going to be taking antidepresssants (can't remember the name and DH has taken the prescription to work so he can get it for me). Have to go back in 3 weeks, and oncce the drugs start kicking in I'm also going to have some counselling.

DH hasn't really said much since I got back (well he's now back at work) think he was 'sort' of hoping that I would be told I had depression.......hopefully he's 'adjust' soon though and be a little more supportive (although he's not really being 'unsupportive IKYWIM)

Gwenick · 24/02/2005 11:39

oh and of course sods law today I'm having a slightly 'better' day so struggled to remember half of what I wanted to say - but thankfully he (Dr) figured out pretty quickly I was 'lost for words' and asked me the 'right' questions.

cat82 · 24/02/2005 11:59

Gwenick- Just wanted so say well done for going to your gp, i know how difficult it is. I hope you feel better soon {{{hugs}}}

jangly · 24/02/2005 12:07

Glad you went Gwenick and that you're getting some help. Well done.

LGJ · 24/02/2005 12:10

I love it when a good nag comes to fruitition

SleepyJess · 24/02/2005 12:16

Hi Gwen

I'm feeling like you describe and keep telling myself it can't possibly be depression, because I cheer up several times a day.. the kids make me laugh.. DH gives me a hug.. etc etc.. and I feel better. Then I go straight back down. The mornings are the worst. I just don't want to face the day. Any day. How do you define depression? And I feel as if do admit to feeling actually depressed is some kind of real failing.. not in others.. I know lots of people who suffer from depression.. but I have always said 'depression is a luxury (!) I don't have time for!' (jokingly of course!) Oh how the mighty have fallen!!

Feel similar to what rathernotsay describes at beginning of thread actually.

SJ x

Gwenick · 24/02/2005 12:18

SJ - rathernotsay was me - when I replied a few posts later I forgot I was logged in under Gwenick again so everyone knew it was me

Not really sure how I'd 'define' depression - just which I could then I could explain to DH better so he may be a bit more understanding!

SleepyJess · 24/02/2005 12:19

LMAO. no wonder I identifed with both Gwenick AND you!

SJ feeling crap

welshgirl · 24/02/2005 14:07

Well done Gwenick, good on you, it must have taken a lot for you to go today. I expect DH will be mulling it over today, it's probably new to him too. I went to the dr today and he said I can go back to work on Monday, hoping things go well for you baby, it does take a few weeks for the tablets to kick in. Glad to hear you're having a slightly better day today... x

Gwenick · 24/02/2005 15:43

thank welshgirl - the day started off well really was woken up by the postman with a parcel for me - it was a copy of Gone with the Wing - Collectors Edition, on DVD that I'd won in a competition - but I didn't know I'd won it until it arrived..

welshgirl · 24/02/2005 17:31

Congratulations - go and buy a lottery ticket now!!! Lucky girl, see you're definitely in for a spell of good things, I can feel it in my waters...... x

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