Could do with a hug

[Lonelymum]

Dh is leaving tomorrow to start new job. Won't see him all week (and it is half term so I will have 4 kids to myself all week). So what has he spent all day doing? Sulking because I spent the morning helping out with PTA jumble sale and all afternoon until now he has watched rugby and football on the TV. I feel so sad and anxious, but he isn't caring. Don't get me wrong, he is a good man really and I am not attacking him, but he is giving me the TLC I need right now.

mieow is my sister, am at her house.

That explains it Misdee. I am reading yur thread, but boy! it is too deep for me I am afraid! You are a superhero to go through what you are. I know you don't feel like one or want to be one, but circumstances have dictated that path for you. You are lucky to have so many friends on Mumsnet and family around you.

Almost40 - hello. Mine are 8, 7, nearly 5 and 2 on Saturday. All boys except for the nearly 5 yo. How old are yours? Is your dh away for work next week? Does he do it often?

i said avoid it

but do you know soemthing,i have alot of family, but mo real friends anymore. i justdont have time to make friends in real life, and that makes me feel really sad. i dont have people just pop round for a cuppa. i the only one of m,y friends to have kids, and they just cant understand why i cant drop anything and go for a drink. its very hard. sometimes i feel like i rely on my family too much, or am constatntly caring for others.

I suppose a lot of us are like that. Me, I always think I wouldn't be on Mumsnet at all if I had a real social life. That plus my family would take up all my time.

You do seem to have your extended family around a lot. When you are going through the crisis that you are going through (and about to give birth again for goodness sake!) I don't think there is any such thing as relying on them too much. That is how families should be. I wish mine was as supportive and available.

Hi - you have your hands full, LM. I can't imagine having 4 kids. Mine are 3 and 1. They are pretty easy. My DH does travel for one week or so nearly every month for work. This may sound strange to you, but I quite look forward to his trips because it is one less person to take care of, and it is a bit like a break for me, at least from cooking a proper meal, etc. I tend to skip meals when he is away, and I just focus on my girls. I do love him and enjoy when he's around. He can be helpful, but maybe I just choose to look at it as a break since there's nothing I can do to change the situation. Know what I mean? I also find that I enjoy my DDs company more when he is away, rather than viewing it as though I have to care for them on my own. I don't know if I'm making any sense.

In reading over my post, I should mention that I have nearly 2 stone to lose since the birth of DD2. I constantly complain about my weight, but find it hard to diet since I feel like I am constantly preparing meals. Thus, when DH travels, it is easier for me to 'diet'. Anyway, are there things that you always like to do, but find that you can't do when your DH is around - for whatever reason. Hobbies? Tv programmes you like to watch, etc.?

Sorry, had to go and do dinner and ds2 is now saying he feels sick! My worst nightmare! No, I can honestly say there is nothing I enjoy when dh is away. When he is here, I don't have to fight him for the TV becasue we have a spare one in our bedroom and anyway,he doesn't watch much tv. I have time to do things during the day as I am a SAHM so I don't relish his absence as a chance to get on with things. I jus miss his presence dreadfully. He is my only regualr adult company and he is also a great help with the children. Most of all, he is my safety net against having to deal alone with my phobia (of the children being sick). I am bereft without him. I must sound like a very lonely soul. It is true.

Sounds like you and your DH have a lovely relationship, LM. Are you friendly with any mums nearby? Even just one friend would make a big difference. At least just a few more days to go. ((big hugs)) Don't know what else to say.

Thanks. I really don't have that sort of relationship with people nearby. I don't know why not. We are moving next week and I must try my hardest to do things differently, but I feel cut off from society sometimes. I don't know how to go forward. I am not even sure our relationship is that great. I feel dh feels I lean on him too much and should get some life of my own.

You will lean heavily on your DH if you feel like he is the only one around who understands you. Maybe you will meet some other nice SAHM after you move? Maybe through your children's school? It sounds to me as though you are a bit depressed. Is there anyone you feel comfortable talking to - other than your DH? Family members?

Message withdrawn

I just realized your thread is called 'feeling depressed'!!

I am in West Sussex, oops.

Almost40, I wouldn't say I am clinically depressed. The only thing that brings me this low is my phobia whcih is getting worse and worse. It affects a lot of other things in my life like my ability to make friends. Also, it is one thing I really can't talk to my family about as they have always leaned towards the "pull yourself together" response.

Kids are going to bed now and rather sadly I don't feel up to anything and am going to curl up in bed too and wish this day away. Thanks for talking to me. I hope someone will be there for me again tomorrow. Night Night.

Night night, LM. I'm in the US, so sorry I dropped off earlier. Had to feed my own. Regardless of the severity of your depression, it sounds like it would be good for you to have someone to talk to. Mumsnet is a great outlet, but nothing like the real thing. Just a few more days to go for you til your DH returns. Hope the time passes quickly for you. Will likely see you tomorrow (or today for you).

hi lonelymum, just dropping in to say i'm online and available for a chat if you are around. how's it going? only two more days until the weekend.
i've been ok this week, keeping really busy to take my mind off it.only problem is, dh said he was going to drive home this evening just for the night and go back in the morning. he should have been here over an hour ago and he has his mobile phone switched off. getting angrier by the minute.
bloody men.

hi lonelymum, just dropping in to say i'm online and available for a chat if you are around. how's it going? only two more days until the weekend.
i've been ok this week, keeping really busy to take my mind off it.only problem is, dh said he was going to drive home this evening just for the night and go back in the morning. he should have been here over an hour ago and he has his mobile phone switched off. getting angrier by the minute.
bloody men.

Hello. Yes I would worry if my dh had his phone switched off and was late. Funny how we have come to rely on mobiles isn't it? Lucky you, though, having him home. Don't spoil it by being cross with him now!

I am a bit better than yesterday. Ds2 has spent the whole day in bed with a mysterious temperature and a tummy ache which has come to nothing. He freaked me out yesterday saying he felt sick, but he seems better this evening.

I now know I am more than half way through the week and so I know that whatever is to come will be no longer than what has gone. It was really hard yesterday being so far from the end.

Dh rang me tonight as usual, but I gave him such a hard time yesterday that his call tonight was a bit later than usual and I could tell he was reluctant to make it.

Message withdrawn

dh turned up just after i posted earlier and we've had a nice evevning. just don't want him to go back in the morning.I've got to do parents evening tomorrow on my own too.(sigh)
the kids are normally mad for their dad when he is own...tonight baby just wanted me.which is kind of nice but tiring!

hi lonely mum. i know you have a problem with the kdis being sick, could u appoint a 'sick bucket' where they know where it isw at all times, and can fetch it themselves. we have one, and even dd2 who is just 2 knows where it is and fetches it when she feels like she going to be sick. just an idea, and means u dont have to deal with the mess as much.

we have a sick bowl downstairs which the kids know about and fetch if necessary and disgustingly the plastic Ikea bin in the bathroom (being as though it never gets used for rubbish) doubles up as a potential sick bucket at nighttime (never been used but would definitely disinfect afterwards).

ours is just a big green bucket thats kept by the toilet. i periodically clean and disinfect it. dettox apple sray is good.

Hi all. Hopefully ds2 is on the mend now. Still complaining of tummy ache when I ask how he is but quite happy at all other times. This is the third tummy ache for him in 10 days which makes me wonder if it is not something emotional - he is really upset about our forthcoming move (although this time he had a temperature which he couldn't have faked). Anyone else have experience of this sort of unaccountable illness?

Re buckets, I don't fully understand. If your children know about a special bucket they use if they feel sick, why don't they just use the loo? Unless you mean they have it to put by their beds at night. The trouble with my children is that they never seem to know when they are going to be sick, they just do it. To be fair, the two older ones are getting better at that, and I know that if they always threw up in the loo, I would be a lot less upset by the whole thing (part of the problem is an horrendous loathing for the mess). Anyway, don't really want to talk about this as it will make me feel worse.

Sorry Aimsmum that you are unwell, but at least your ex has some uses! I have two days and one more dreaded night to go...

if its they are feeling sick and possibly weont make oit to the loo in time by the time they vomit. they carry it about from room to room.