I feel so alone

[Yorkshireteaalwayswins]

I’m really struggling right now. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety 10 years ago and put on sertraline. All was well until I started Mounjaro at the beginning of this year. I noticed my mood starting to dip but I was aware that low mood was a potential side effect and I wasn’t planning on staying on Mounjaro for long due to cost.
In May my anxiety returned briefly on holiday but abated once I got home so I thought it was a blip. In July it returned full force and I went to the doctor. She told me to stop the Mounjaro immediately as she said it affected mental health if that was something you were prone to. Luckily I already had by then.
Due to low libido she offered to change me to Vortioxetine as it had less of an impact. I tried it for 10 weeks before quitting as all I experienced was either really bad depression or extremely heightened anxiety. I have been back on sertraline for 11 days today and I feel no better. No appetite at all, constantly feeling sick plus palpitations and always feeling scared. I know I must love my husband but I can’t feel it right now. He just feels like a mate who I can’t connect with.
I keep telling myself that it’s just the medication and to give it time but it’s been so long already. I feel so alone and that I’ll never be happy again. I’m terrified that my marriage will be ruined and my husband will be devastated. I’ve had insomnia but the last two nights so I’m exhausted too.
I don’t know what I want from this but I needed to tell someone.

Hi I'm not too bad but I have my private counselling session this morning so I'm a bit anxious about that as it's always upsetting. I'm feeling a little defeated in the main as I now worry that my anxiety is from my childhood trauma and not just a side effect of the medication. If that's the case, I'm on a longer journey than I thought. I still have scary thoughts about my marriage ending and my brain starts planning for what I'd need to put in place. It's hard.
Im glad you're feeling calmer. It makes things so much easier to put into perspective.

One thing at a time OP. Breathe.

I'm not too bad @Yorkshireteaalwayswinsat the moment. The night before I slept 8-5 straight through. Woke last night but that was because dp snuggled into me and took half my pillow!

Didn't have my review with the psychiatrist after. I phoned the hospital and said I'd booked a venue for training and couldn't cancel, so the secretary said she's ask the psychiatrist to give me a call but she didn't. Bit gutted really. So God only knows when I'll see her again.

My anxiety is manageable at the moment. It's beeen crippling me the last few weeks. It's that early hours dread that I can't cope with. As @buggermewhatnext says it's worse in the morning then gets better throughout the day. But by that stage I'm normally shattered!

Hi how are we all doing now .
Im ok at the min just tired and a little unmotivated. Had a very busy few days which has taken it out of me. So rest today - the nagging anxiety seems to have eased will take that as a win 🥇. Here to chat if anyone wants to

Fell asleep before 8 last night, dp then woke me at 8:30pm to go to bed. Then I was up at 10:30pm so came down stairs and mumsnetted. Fell asleep after taking some promethazine and woke at 1:30 took another promethazine (I can take 2 a night) so went back up to bed and slept until 8am. And thankfully NO ANXIETY! How I love these mornings.

I'm spending the day chilling, doing chores, going to visit mum in hospital and then I think I'm going to make a chilli. Was having my nails done yesterday and my nail tech and I were talking about the best chilli's we'd had and I haven't had one in a while. Have all the ingredients here for one. Left overs we can have with a jacket potato tomorrow so two meals for the price of one lol.

Had a conversation with dp the other week about my anxiety and he said 'why are you so anxious though?' 😂 so I listed all the things that's going on in my life at the moment, and then said 'but anxiety is also not rational' The afternoons when the anxiety eases and I think about all the plates I'm spinning and how things aren't too bad, come 2am and those same thoughts cause me palpitations etc. what is it about middle of the night thoughts? Why are they always so bad compared to daylight thoughts?

My recent one has been I'm terrible at my job, I'm going to be sacked etc. so I find I'm looking for new jobs at 3am. (Can't find anything on my salary though). Then I think I'll take a pay cut. But then I'll have a couple of good days in work, and will feel fine about it until the next worry creeps in.
Anyone else ever think like this about their job?

@theretheirtheyre2026 yes I can at times be like that re work. Not at all helped my menopausal brain fog . Ive got two jobs Tho so don’t know if that makes it worse or better . Always think oh well got my other job . My sleep used to be perfect but had life event that recently changed that . I have used nytol but sometimes they doesn’t work .Promethazine ? Is that a sleep aid ?

It's an antihistamine. My psychiatrist prescribed it for sleep. But I do believe it's available over the counter

It is! You’re working so hard to recover OP, I’m impressed.

I had insomnia and am now heading to do the shopping early. Must get dressed.

Hi everyone I wish I could be as positive as everyone else on here but I’m not doing well. Husband wanted to go out for a drink on Saturday so we did but my brain was just frozen with panic and I was so jittery. I couldn’t think of anything to chat about and ended up crying when he asked me about it. I had a complete meltdown when we got home and I ended up telling him about the passive suicidal intrusive thoughts I’d had. I think I just wanted him to understand how much I was struggling. I really regretted it as he was horrified and terrified. I assured him that it was not a plan or something I would do, it was an intrusive thought but I still wish I hadn’t said anything.
I'm now worried about this Saturday as we’re meant to be meeting friends for a birthday meal. What if I freak out again and ruin the meal? I feel like I’m sliding towards agoraphobia as I don’t feel comfortable being out of the house, unless I’m doing something with a purpose or a definite end, like food shopping.

Sorry op, That sounds hard.
However, it’s good your husband knows how much you are struggling. It may have upset him, but he needs to know.
I have been extremely anxious and depressed this year and I often dread “breaking down” at arranged social events. So far, it’s not been as bad as I’ve thought it would be. Please don’t isolate yourself and you can always switch medications to something that might help more.
Sending warm thoughts your way.

Also. My doctor recommended venlefaxin after sertraline wasn’t effective enough for me:
I found it helpful but very strong. I’m titrrating off it, as I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and am going to start taking ADHD medication. I hope it will help with my anxiety as it might help with my rumination.

Thanks @LizzbearI’m still fighting on but I am at that stage where I feel like I’ll be like this forever. I’ve previously been on sertraline and it worked so I’ve been hanging on for improvement but it’s tough. I’m trying not to avoid social situations as I know that will only reinforce the fear of them.
I hope your adhd meds help you and you find peace.

You won’t be like this forever. If the sertraline doesn’t work, try upping the dose. You can go up to 200. If that doesn’t work, venlefaxin could really help.
Well done on continuing to plan things. It will get easier. Just feels awful when you’re in it.
thanks, I’ll report back on the AdHD meds.

Sorry you feel so crappy OP. It was a good thing you told dh, it's better shared though it may not feel like it.

It's taken me the best part of 60 years to say " No thanks, I can't do that"
Cancel things that cause anxiety.

Hi all, i had my call with Talking Therapies yesterday and they're putting me forward for high intensity CBT which hopefully will help. Unfortunately there's a wait of 12-14 weeks so not happening any time soon. It was expected but still disappointing to hear. I might try looking into some self help books in the meantime. Does anyone have any recommendations?
I also had a call from the doctor ( a different one from my regular one) and he recommended moving up to 100mg. He'd obviously read my notes and maybe a report from the Talking Therapies people as he referenced the way I had been speaking. I agreed so I'm waiting for that prescription to come through.

Can you afford a really good private BACP therapist? Or put it another way can you afford not to?

Id have to look into how much it would cost. My private counselling is £50 a week which adds up plus people are recommending massage and acupuncture. My wage is ok but I have a large credit card debt due to car repairs that I need to clear too. I will look into it but I don't know what I can manage.

Ok to be fair, I've just checked the BACP register and my counsellor has shown up. She does specialise in childhood trauma which seems to be my issue so maybe I need to stop searching for solutions and trust the process.

Kindly, you can't have 2 therapists at once.

@Yorkshireteaalwayswins hope the talking therapy gets moving forward for you quickly. Nothing re mental health seems to move fast unless you pay for it does it.
Hope you’re feeling a bit better today . Re books the only one that has ever helped me was called Shoot the Damn Dog by Sally Brampton. Mainly about depression but she also had anxiety - it’s a memoir .
Im up and down today had a stress headache all day woke with dampened down anxiety but still there. Faded as usual as day wore on. What I would give to never have anxiety ever again . I know better days are coming just need to wait for them . Hugs to all who are feeling it today

Thanks @buggermewhatnext you're right, mental health is really underfunded so it's a slow process. Thanks for the book recommendation, I'll have a look. My friend recommended "Reasons to Stay Alive" by Matt Haig and I've also just picked up "You Will Get Through This Night" by Daniel Howell. I haven't looked at either yet but I'm looking forward to getting stuck in.
I hope you slept well last night and have a better day today. A headache really drags you down so hopefully it isn't there today. I agree about never having anxiety again. I really took it for granted when I felt 'well'. Never again. Hugs are being sent back to you.
How is everyone else feeling?

Hello yorkshiretea MH "sevices" in my area are a very very bad joke.

Had to go it alone, I'm afraid.

Keep going kid!

@Yorkshireteaalwayswins did you manage to go out last night after?

I did, thanks. And I had a lovely time which was great after being so anxious about it. Even managed a 2 course meal so hopefully my appetite will get better over the next week.
How are you doing?