Would you visit an old friend in a psychiatric intensive care unit?

[Otins]

An old friend from 20 years ago - we make online contact a couple of times a year and I haven't seen her in person for 10 years, has made contact via Messenger. She usually lives the other side of the country to me, but she said she is in hospital about 1hr away from me.

I immediately said I could visit...and she was very excited and gave me the details. It is a psychiatric intensive care unit (PICU) I had naively assumed she had broken her leg or something and was in a general hospital.

I am aware she is bipolar and she has been sectioned once before in the last 10 years.

However, I am very unsure about visiting her on the PICU. The list of rules and contraband items is huge.

I rang the unit today to try to find out any information about what visiting would be like, and explained I am unwilling to visit without some sort of indication as to how she is. I explained I am not a close friend, but I am local-ish. I explained I have no experience of being around someone experiencing a severe mental health episode and I would like some idea of what to expect.

They naturally couldn't tell me anything about her condition or health, but they said I could ask her to give her permission to share information with me. They they said about support and bringing in supplies/clothes for her if I were to visit. I said that I cannot offer any support, but I would possibly be able to visit, if I were able to find out a bit more about what I was potentially walking into. All they could say was that they wouldn't authorise any visitors if they though anyone would be unsafe (24 hrs notice is required for any visits to arrange a room and staff)

If I ask my friend to give them permission to give me information I worry that I will be some kind of de facto contact / next of kin (as far as I know she is not in contact with any of her family and hasn't been for years) I don't want to be at risk of getting a phone call in the middle of the night as she has absconded, or worse.

But it feels mean to not visit when she is so close and she doesn't have anyone else?

She said in her message that she is not ill, and that it is a long story. A couple of things she said in the message make me think she is very ill (and I assume she wouldn't be there if she wasn't)

What would you do?

I would visit but not make any promises about how often you can visit while she's there.

If she's allowed visitors, then she will not be a threat to you. People can be sectioned for a variety of reasons and it's often because they are a danger to themselves rather than because they are a danger to others.

I have an acquaintance who has been sectioned a few times. On each occasion, she hasn't recognised that she is unwell but has had to go hospital as friends who live in the same town have called in on her, recognised that she isn't coping and have contacted professionals for support.

I wouldn't go. I wouldn't feel it wasn't appropriate with a person I didn't have a close relationship with.
I would offer to visit her when she was feeling better.

This. I’ve visited a friend many times in such places. She will likely be heavily medicated and a bit slow and groggy. They won’t allow visitors if she’s flagrantly psychotic and not responding to treatment. You don’t need to be scared. Just talk to her about normal things. Be light. Avoid engaging with her in a fearful or wary way. The fact is, if she has bipolar she has always had mental health issues, whether or not they were obvious to you. She’s had a severe episode, obviously, but just engage with her as you always did.

You can imagine how hard it is to let other people see you in such a place. She must really need the company if she has asked you. It’s important if you go that you engage with her in a way that acknowledges the person you’ve always known is still in there.

I had a friend who was sectioned three times. I visited her every week. It was fine. There are staff nearby. It was distressing to see the other patients who tended to be quite young but we were allowed to sit out in the courtyard to chat. She had a partner and eventually she was released and went away to stay with him (he was living in her house), though they weren’t together by then. I had attended a couple of her team meetings with the doctors as support, but there was no expectation put on me to give them any contact details or be the responsible person for her.
She hasn’t recovered as far as I know. After she moved she’d call and within a minute would be back to the same paranoid talk. She had two courses of EST which helped but only for a short time. In the end I felt I wasn’t doing any good for her or myself so withdrew.

"Bipolar person"??????

We're not aliens. I manage to hold down a full time job when I'm well, I'm not a different species that requires careful handling.

"They don't pay attention to what we say half the time"

Same again. @Prycejosh1987 please have a modicum of respect, accord people with SMI their dignity and educate yourself before being so rude.

Regardless it takes mental strength to help a person with bipolar disorder who is hospitalized.
People are very different even with the same diagnosis.

This person is a troll. They just advised someone else in a mental health thread to seek out an exorcist.

Dangerous advice but not uncommon. You need to be careful with such bad judgment.

What's the matter with you?
She's your old friend ffs.

A PICU is very different from acute MH wards. Usually they only accept the most unwell patients who cant be managed on 2:1 (2 staff at all times and may need restraints etc) and maximum medications. Often they are extremely agitated. You could wait till she is stepped down to acute ward when she may be more settled.

Oh, for God’s sake. Talk about overthinking. Just go and bloody visit the poor woman.

👏

Yes of course. You’re just visiting, there’s no need to stay for long or get more involved.

Absolutely this
The op is acting so strange about this

It’s not strange at all to want to understand more about what to expect, and to consider whether visiting is genuinely a good idea. A lot of people on here have advised against visiting, including people who have been the ones in the mental hospitals and in crisis.

For all the people saying be kind, just visit etc - it’s likely it’s not kind at all to visit during such an acute phase of treatment. The OP’s friend is not in a fit state to fully consent to this visit, likely won’t remember it fully, and may be very upset thinking back on it when she’s well. This is not family or a close friendship, and there’s no indication that at normal times the friend would want to involve the OP this closely in her life and mental health.

If you read my message you can see that's not the point because I don't disagree with you.

I am highlighting ignorant and ill-thought out language.

This would be my worry, that she sent the invitation at a time.she didn't really know what she was doing.

I have a friend who is sometimes an inpatient due to her bipolar and when I get invites from her to visit I tend to check in with her husband too.
Does this friend have any family you could.check with?

I went to visit a friend in a psychiatric unit. It was the most bizarre experience for both of us. She was very unwell, I was nervous we immediately talked about how strange it was, she told me all the rules, the special clothes they had to wear so they didn’t hurt themselves, the meds, the high fences, the escape attempts!! I was so glad I went. In the end I didn’t feel unsafe but I do work with young people with severe SEND so I am used to a level of noise and behavioural unpredictability!!! My friend was really appreciative of all those who visited her.

Absolutely I would visit. The poor woman is obvs going through a shit time and a friendly face would mean the world. Check what you can take in/not take in, put together a wee pack of things that are allowed, and go have a friendly chat.

Just don’t do it

My mum and all my aunties have been admitted to secure mental heath units at various times due to bipolar and psychosis, I’ve visited all of them in different units over the years.

I would go, but check with the hospital on visiting times before you make the journey, like most wards they will have visiting hours and limits on visitors per patient so may be able to suggest the best time for you to go.

People with mental health illnesses are ill like anyone else in hospital is ill, hospitals are rarely nice places really for anyone, but yes I’d always make time and energy to visit a friend who wasn’t well.

The fact that this person isn't a close friend or relative should make the visit easier. The posters who've found it really hard, presumably did so because it's hard to see someone close to you, in mental health pain, and not being themselves.

You would have the advantage of being able to compartmentalise, and not having the same strong emotions. In your position, I'd go. But decide on your boundaries. If this is going to be a one-off, don't get sucked into doing a string if favours for her, or visiting regularly.

If you are not close friends, you might want to think carefully about whether you want to visit. She might be looking for support and emotional reliance that you are not prepared to give. PICU environments are not nice. Your friend might be very unwell.

I have experience of a friend in a similar situation.
I would advise you not to go. You sound very unprepared, as in PICU, all the patients will be extremely unwell. It is quite shocking to see people when that unwell, and can be an unpredictable and noisy environment.

Your friend sounds very unwell, and highly likely to be lacking insight presently. The staff will not be able to tell you her current presentation, due to confidentiality, and she is also unlikely to do so herself, if she has limited insight.
She will be definitely viewed as being extremely unwell and a risk to herself if she has been transferred to a PICU, rather than remaining on an acute mental health ward. PICU beds are very limited (hence your friend being placed out of her area) and in high demand.

Think carefully if you wish to see your friend in this extremely unwell state. Think most importanttly, about your friend and the impact it would have on her for you to visit, perhaps only once, as your visit would, quite naturally, bring with it the expectation that you are willing to offer her support. That does seem quite cruel to your friend in her acutely unwell state, to create expectation that you seem unwilling to fulfil, but if you are open to providing her ongoing support, then yes, a visit would probably brightened her stay considerably! She sounds like she really needs friends and supportive people in her life.

When I visited, I was taken to the ward and asked to leave any contraband items in Reception. My friend was brought to me in an empty side room, where the seating was molded so it could not be thrown. A staff member stayed sat just outside the open door with my friend in their eyeline at all times, and came in when my friend became upset (she was demanding I take her home, that she was not ill, that the staff were telling lies, and was under the impression that she could just leave with me now I was there!), and two staff members helped her back to her room. It was distressing to see, but I had seen her very unwell on many previous occasions, so was not a new experience for me. I am her friend in both good and bad times!

The unit will have a supply of toiletries, and can provide very basic NHS clothing, like paper underwear, nightgowns and slipper socks - hence why they are asking for your help with supplies. People who didn't have their own clothing wore NHS scrubs. It is usually family/friends who bring in personal clothing as required, and take it away to be washed and returned. Perhaps a way forward would be to take toiletries and a basic outfit of clothing to the unit for her if you wish to help her? I would suggest a loose T-shirt, joggers (without a drawstring), comfy thick socks, a soft cardigan/hoodie (with no buttons, ties, drawstrings or ribbons) and a plain nightie and dressing gown that goes over the head (so no tie-cord) - those are items that I bought when travelling to my friend on her immediate admission. Other items that were appreciated were snacks like crisps, snack bars and chocolate, and squash for drinks - ask her what she needs?

You can then keep in contact and visit in person closer to her discharge from the PICU back onto an acute mental health ward, when she is likely to be a little better?
I hope this information for someone who has had a friend in a very similar situation helps!

I have visited lots of people in psychiatric wards. Usually they are quite sleepy (due to meds) and I never felt unsafe. But everyone has a different sense of safety. The biggest hassle was always getting staff to buzz you in the ward!