CAMHS insisting on DBT sessions that clash with GCSEs and work commitments

[RocketQ79]

I have a teen diagnosed with EUPD, CAMHS are being very inflexible with treatment, 6 months commitment to DBT, 2 sessions a week, miss 3 sessions and you are removed from the course. One session is set and clashes with my daughter's GCSE History lesson, she does not want to jeopardise her education for a therapy she does not think will work. I work away every month so already know we will miss more than 3 sessions and have no-one else to take her and cannot afford to take the hit financially by reducing hours to accommodate it. CAMHS have said it's this or nothing, I don't really know what the guidelines are or what our rights are in this situation, can anyone help? Tia.

What is going to be more useful to your daughter in the long run - a GCSE in History or completing an evidence based successful therapy for a serious lifelong mental health problem?

DBT is the gold standard for EUPD and honestly if CAMHS are offering it, you should be doing anything in your power to get your DD through it.

There are so many posts on hear from posters struggling to get CAMHS to even see their child, let alone offer something helpful. You have CAMHS offering DBT, with dates already in the diary not even a waiting list.

I agree with the pp. She’s so lucky to have been offered DBT, I think missing her history lesson is worth it. I’m sure the teacher will give her the lesson notes etc.

Sorry op I'm probably not going to be very sympathetic. It's really really hard to get access to CAMHS support. I know it's difficult but unless you want to pay privately it is what it is and you're lucky to have even been offered this. Surely your daughter's MH comes first? Who looks after her when you're away every month? Why can't they take her?

Thought you meant an exam at first. Do you mean missing the same lesson for weeks? A unit of work?
Have you spoken to school about this? I’m sure they’d provide notes.
By not supporting getting her to the sessions you are unfortunately supporting her view that the therapy won’t work. It’s not a good start.
Is she old enough to go in a taxi or is there anyone at all who can take her?

She can resit her exams.

Edited. Lessons can be caught on.

Completely agree
prioritise health
it’s a no brainer
with EUPD, her life will be / could continue to be highly impaired …

Your rights...... Ffs.

Accept the free therapy on their terms or say no.

Just to add, your daughter isn't really the best placed person to decide if DBT will help her or not. She's only 16 and with a serious mental illness.

DBT probably looks like a lot of hard work - which it is - and not as enjoyable as a history lesson - it probably isn't.

However DBT is potentially going to change the whole of her future for the better. When a history GCSE doesn't even need to be done now.

I too would encourage you to get DD to the DBT sessions. It's a very good opportunity. It's great that she's conscientious about missing the history lessons but there are ways to catch up on missed lessons.
Where has she got the idea of thinking DBT won't "work"? (I mean, it is not a cure- it teaches skills and understanding that will help for life, if she works to apply them.)

My DS - diagnosed EUPD/ Borderline Personality Disorder aged 18-waited 4 years 8 months (with frequent psychosis, 7 overdoses bla bla bla) for DBT. Had to drop out of Uni. When the therapy finally happened, it was genuinely useful.

Agree with PP. check your priorities.

DD can take exams a year late if need be.

She has a serious mental health condition and is being offered treatment. Make it work.

DBT is hard work but so worth it.
It changed my life, so I am a bit biased, but it is worth the sacrifice.

God grief.

You are being offered the gold standard therapy for your daughters serious lifelong mental health condition.

This will shape her entire life - and this opportunity to have it while she is still young will never come again.

Any exam can be resat.

You are insane not to be moving heaven and earth to get her to ALL of her sessions. Check your priorities. You shouldn’t be missing any sessions.

I’ll never understand people. There are so many that would sell their soul to be as lucky as your daughter and be offered a treatment that stands a chance of working.

DBT saved my life. If I'd been offered it at 16 it would have saved a lot of pain and suffering.

Get her there come hell or high water.

Certainly here, the attitude from adult mental health services is that if a patient doesn’t do what they say, the patient is discharged “for not engaging with services”.

As pp have said, DBT is the gold standard for EUPD and your DD was lucky to have been offered it. There is no cure for EUPD; DBT teaches strategies to help the person deal with it - such as emotional regulation.

Being a close relative of someone with EUPD is like being on an emotional rollercoaster coaster when OP, you could be the best parent in the world, and the next day, the worst. People have black and white thinking aka splitting, where other people are either all good or all bad, depending on what they have just done!

It took DD2 seven years to do a three year degree, with two long leaves of absence! She was self harming and being involved in over fifty incidents of suicidal behaviour. She did DBT and improved considerably.

Imo, putting a history GCSE before DBT is potentially fiddling while Rome burns!

Attend the therapy one history lesson us easily made up.

OP I get that it can seem obsessive and frustrating, and I also understand that living with a child with EUPD can be exhaustion and stressful - however this is also a pretty much once in a life time offer that will improve your DDs life far more than any GCSE in history will.

She won't be offered this chance by CAMHS again, and if by some miracle she does get offered by adult services the wait can take YEARS.

As someone that was that 16 that believed the therapy "wouldn't work" I'd give anything to go back and do it at that point, instead being the 30yo that I am with more issues and only just starting therapy. It's very easy to believe you know everyone at 16, especially once you add in the fact shes unwell, but as a parent you really need to understand how important this will be for her mental health and future.

I often read on here how difficult it is to get suppprt from CAMHS. On that basis I am assuming your daughter has quite severe mental health problems. I imagine there is a high chance her studies might be disrupted by that. As others have said I would accept the offer of treatment even if it does disrupt her GCSE lessons. They can be caught up later. There isn’t a perfect outcome here, it’s about priorities.

Why won't they reschedule? It seems unreasonable to me. Can you escalate this within CAMHS?

Equally you say you will be away and so she will miss some other sessions. Sorry, but I think you have to find a way to get her there.

You have a daughter with a serious mental health condition - she needs a parent to move heaven and earth to help her.

I suggest you find a way for her to get to all the sessions.

Wow, that’s a strong offer from them. I have worked in CAMHS. Not many CAMHS services offer such a comprehensive DBT course of sessions - usually that is reserved for severe threshold in adult mental health. If she can access it she should.

No therapy in the world will work if you’ve already decided against it and convinced yourself it won’t - you should know, the mind is a powerful tool and can work with you or against you.

Support DD to go, encourage her to use her skills inbetween sessions and practice them with her as a family. Good systemic support (families and systems) whilst a yp is in therapy is so so valuable.

DBT is a wonderful and hopeful approach to severe mental health.

@Arran2024It may be a combined 1:1 and group offer ? So some sessions may be set. Or the therapist may not be available other times.

People often say that CAMHS are too inflexible, that may well be the case and I’m sure it’s frustrating. However therapists have other clients they have to juggle, who are equally unwell. CAMHS therapist also have meetings for child protection, supervision, team meetings to make decisions on referrals etc etc. it isn’t always feasible to rearrange. A private therapist would just tell you no, and ask you to either wait or find another therapist. (I have worked in CAMHS)

It may be that it’s the only slot the therapist can offer. Sessions get planned in advance and can be difficult to move as the therapist will have other commitments.

I get it’s a lot to commit to but it’s a great offer of treatment so I’d find a way to make it happen.

Are you in a position to pay for the appointment times you want?
That might be the best solution. When we are getting things for free we can’t insist they are timed for our convenience.

Because DBT has a group therapy component as well as 1-1 (which is why it's 2 sessions a week)

We waited years for this! If you are away you need to find someone to take her, who is looking after her if you are working away? I took my dd to therapy twice a week for 2 years, scooped her up out of sick bay more times that I can remember and it cost me my job, ultimately my marriage (he didn’t accept she was unwell) but you have to do it somehow

Student loans - the kids would value the education if they were paying towards it.