CAMHS insisting on DBT sessions that clash with GCSEs and work commitments

[RocketQ79]

I have a teen diagnosed with EUPD, CAMHS are being very inflexible with treatment, 6 months commitment to DBT, 2 sessions a week, miss 3 sessions and you are removed from the course. One session is set and clashes with my daughter's GCSE History lesson, she does not want to jeopardise her education for a therapy she does not think will work. I work away every month so already know we will miss more than 3 sessions and have no-one else to take her and cannot afford to take the hit financially by reducing hours to accommodate it. CAMHS have said it's this or nothing, I don't really know what the guidelines are or what our rights are in this situation, can anyone help? Tia.

As the parent of a 19 year old who has done a year long course of DBT sessions, with the same rules, and has similar mental health issues I urge you to take this opportunity. You won't get it offered again.

Part of it is group sessions which are particularly useful which are normally the set session.

Passing exams and staying in education can be very difficult for a teenager with EUPD.

Please think very carefully before turning down this opportunity, it really could be life changing for your DD

DBT turned my daughter’s life around from a person who was chronically suicidal to a happy functioning and independent young woman. It took 3 rounds of DBT over 18 months plus us undertaking a supportive parenting course for that to happen. Unfortunately o also know parents who have lost their child to this dreadful illness. EUPD carries a 10% of suicide completion. I know if I were offered DBT, we’d clear the decks and prioritise it.

This isn’t a very nice way to say it but it is true. The entitlement behind this post surprises me. Really hope daughter can get the therapy and get better.

It’s nearly July so your daughter will have already covered the syllabus. She needs to prioritise therapy. You work away once a month so discuss some flexibility with your employer. Any other family members? She’s making excuses not to go to the therapy. I was under CAMHS and hated it but I needed it (different diagnosis to your daughter).

I have to agree with others.

always worth remembering education can happen at any point in life. For now the focus needs to be on making her well enough to be able to access that life.

but I also agree with PP that if she enters it with a “this won’t work” attitude she is going to make it much less likely to help. You need to be positive with her and make it happen so it can help

Is the waitlist to even get through the door of CAMHS not over 2 years in your area, like it is here? I have personal and professional experience, the next local authority over has actually frozen it’s waitlist. Desperate parents are doing everything to get their kids the right help and you just can’t be bothered because it’s not convenient Say no, someone else will be glad of the offer.

Honestly missing lessons is not a big deal if she puts the effort in to revise closer to her exams. DS1 did not go to any online lessons during Covid and still managed to get excellent grades and DS2 did not go to school at all from year 9, attended minimal online lessons with the hospital education service and achieved the grades he needed.

I would say therapy is more important than education at this point. Learning strategies to manage mental health is vital for life. Education will wait.

This, @RocketQ79 when you say you are going to be away so can’t take her, is she going with you?

Just another person adding to the chorus saying you have to make it work. Yes, it would be brilliant if we had very well funded and flexible CAMHS in this country but we don’t. (And it sounds from what PPs are saying that it has to be done in a group anyway).

We’ve been taking our DD to CAMHS for the past six months or so and it can be a masssive ballache to sort, especially with work and her younger brother. But it’s gotta be done

I can’t believe you’re willing to let her miss three sessions because of your work. FFS.

Why was your daughter put on the CAMHS list and who by?
Was she never on board with being treated?
Did she always think it wouldn't help?
Is her thinking it won't help part of her condition e.g. depression making her feel she's worthless, beyond help and that she is too pathetic to make anyone spend their time on her, or is it something else?
Did she go on the waiting list against her will?
How has her condition changed since she went on?

I mean if there's really little chance the CAMHS treatment will help, then obviously GCSEs which will benefit her is a better option. There are obviously reasons why things might have changed - maybe she's improved so the treatment is less needed, maybe she's got worse and this type of treatment is now unlikely to work and she needs something else. CAMHS don't offer to treat people unless there is a real need and they probably won't give her a second chance if she turns down their first offer.

If you think that she still needs treating and that what she has been offered may work, you take the sessions. She drops History or takes it up in another way, maybe online, and you ARE there for ALL sessions! Mental health is as important as physical - you wouldn't pull her from chemo (unless it clearly wasn't working) to fit in her GCSEs or your work trip, so don't pull her from CAMHS help either.

Thanks for your input, sorry, I didn't fully explain, she was waiting for a CAMHS assessment for well over a year, possibly 18 months, it's a bit of a blur, and then said they were pretty sure she was Autistic which we didn't agree with. She was assessed through Right to Choose and was assessed not meeting the criteria. As I said, even with dropping History we would still miss at least 1 session a month when I am away from work, I have tried to explain this to them but they say there is nothing else they can do.

Yes, I get that there will be a block of sessions, but couldn't they put her in the next tranche? I was thinking more of rescheduling the whole package.

Why can’t she get a taxi when you’re away with work? You don’t need to be in the sessions with her. Camhs is like gold dust, your best bet would be to look for ways to solve the problems you have with getting her there. This is not insurmountable

No, she stays home with my 72 year old Mother who also has anxiety issues so I cannot put it on her to be responsible for getting her there. It's just a bit of a logistical impossibility at the moment. People say I should drop everything but I cannot afford to drop that much in income a month.

Of course there is nothing they can do …
they have committed to put on a very in-depth treatment course for complex mental health need - they will have put time, staff, resource into getting that planned -
you have to make it work -

if it was treatment for cancer - you would make it work wouldn’t you ???

don’t be that parent that says ‘ there is no support available’ and then don’t take what’s on offer ..

DBT is a highly skilled therapy -
you aren’t going to access that easily again

Can’t she get a taxi by herself?

You either value and need the professional expertise offered and prioritise it. Or you don't.

Sorry this is on you to find a way to make it work. I’m not saying it’s easy but this is your daughters health and it needs to be a priority

This is your kid’s life. She’s worth the loss of income. The inconvenience. The logistic nightmare. Isn’t she?

Well, another way of looking at it, is the investment now - take carers leave / annual leave / parental leave to get the treatment she needs -

OR you risk not being able to work at all if the EUPD gets worse (likely without treatment) and you become a full time carer …..

If your child has got through the referral process to CAMHS, she IS seriously unwell, so yes you absolutely drop what you have to drop to get her there. Sorry OP, I know it's tough, maybe I'm wrong, but I know children who I would class as seriously mentally unwell, who HAVEN'T been accepted by CAMHS if your child has, she is clearly in a very bad way and getting her to these sessions is your TOP priority.

It’s never going to be at a completely convenient time. If it wasn’t a history lesson it would be something else. Most workplaces would try and be flexible, so maybe you don’t travel for six months, or you find someone else who can accompany your daughter.

No one needs a GCSE in History more than they need their mental health. You also have the legal right to ask your employers for flexibility to enable you to prioritise your daughters health and it would be very unreasonable to prioritise your employer's convenience over your child's mental health. These appointments from CAMHS are like gold dust, your daughter wouldn't be at this point if she didn't really, really need it so do not waste this opportunity.

She can get a taxi surely? Uber and your mum can go with her if needed.

I can't understand your reticence towards making this happen.