Is anyone from Australia in here? Need an advice.

[JTro]

Hi! I have a situation here which I don't know how to deal with, but something has to be done. My 16yo DD has an online friend (they started to chat during minecraft game about 3 yeras ago and became very good ftiends). This girl has depression and anxiety, dropped school in grade 9 (due to her depression, anxiety and bulliyng) and since then staying home in her room (she's 18 now) getting deeper and deeper in depression. When she's very low, she disappeared for a few weeks, sometimes months and when she appears again she still feels very low. I know that social services were involved as all her siblings also refused to go to school (she has 3 younger siblings), but what I understand is that child social services are very laid back about it as only recently they managed to get her siblings to go back to school and as she's an adult now, they don't care anymore. Her parents seems not to care at all about her mental state, her mum took her once to the doctors, who prescribed her medication to treat depression, but the medication did not work for poor girl and her mum just left it there as it is. Her parents were unemployed for a long time and went back to work around 2 years ago. They have a huge house they inherited from the grandparents (somewhere in Tasmania), but not keeping it in order. Today, after disappearing for a week, she sent a voice message to my DD that she's going to kill herself as there is no point to live. My DD was crying trying to talk her over to do anything, she managed to get her address and mum's phone number (mum didn't picked up phone, but it seems normal). For now she promised not to do anything harmful for herself, but I'm not sure for how long and what if she's done something stupid... So, I want to know who can I reach in Australia (more specific in Tasmania) to get some help for that poor girl and to stop her if she will be feeling to kill herself again. I'm in UK, so not sure how things work in Australia. Maybe tehre any charities, organisation who can help her to get right medication? My DD is the only person she speaks outside of her family, so she can't go and ask for help herself, and her parents don't care.

You need to protect your own daughter, you have no idea who these people are or what the truth is. You can contact the tasmania police dept if you're concerned but please don't let your daughter get dragged into this.

I talked to that girl myself, she is really kind and sweet. Yes, I don't want my DD to be so distressed (she had GCSE exam tomorrow), but I would not forgive myself if something happens. I'm trying to find some help for her as it seems nobody else cares.

Google the Tasmania dept of health website, "mental health" for the list of support and agencies. If she rings again with plans of self harm you can call their emergency services. Why can't she access help herself. You need to look after your dd and yourself.

She can't talk to people, she has severe anxiety, she doesn't talk to anyone now except my DD and her family. She was much better just a few months ago and asked her mum to take her to doctors but was ignored. And gradually she stopped to talk to anyone, she is too anxious and scared to talk to people herself. If someone talk to her she probably will talk, but would not start herself.
I understand it sounds weird and I also had concerns as don't know that people, but she is a real person with a real menthal problems. Will try tomorrow to email some charities in Tasmania, maybe they will guide me how to help her.

Would she be open to contacting support for herself? If so, I’d point her towards Headspace. There seem to be a few in Tassie. They’re a specialist youth mental health service and covered by Medicare. Each one is slightly different, but I think that’s probably the place to try. Drs, social workers, nurses, psychologists, peer support workers etc.
ill attach a screenshot to this and you can google the contact details for each centre?

No, she would not contact them herself, she is too anxious. Her entire world now is her room, she is scared even to leave her room. If someone contact her offering help, I think she'll be talking to them as she understands she needs help. It all went to this gradually, she was better, she even went out with mu to shops, but it's getting worse and worse without professional help. Every time my DD talks to her, she tell her to go to doctors, but her mum's attitude is very strange, very laid back about everything - work, house, all her kids

Has your daughter other friends ?

What do you mean?

The things you know about her, how do you know them? Is this all stuff she has told you? Can you verify it all? Have you spoken to her face to face?
My point is she is person from the internet who lives of the other side of the world! What do you actually know as fact. Not just stuff she had told you. But verifiable fact.
You know her mum is laid back? How? Have you seen her mum with your own eyes?

Apart from what seems to be a very intense online friendship with a young woman with severe mental health problems, does your daughter have other friends who she meets up and socialises with?

Contact the Tasmanian police and they will do a welfare check and connect her with the right services if needed.

If you ring any mental health service, they're going to say/do the same thing. A mention of suicide = a duty of care to call police for a welfare check.

For young people, Headspace is a great resource and its free. Pretty sure they will do phone consults if she lives in an isolated area. Beyondblue is the major mental health charity for adults. I would start with headspace. They do an initial phone consult then match the young person with a counsellor. She could do this herself without her parents involvement.

Lifeline is the equivalent of the samaritans.

In Australia anyone can go to their GP and ask for a mental health plan which gives them a referral for 10 sessions with a psychologist. (there is a fee and it can take a while to get in to see someone).

It's lovely of you to do this for this girl and a great example for your DD. But I also think you need to set the example that she can't take on this girl's problems as her own. And that she needs to look after her own mental health first and establish boundaries. Tell her that if she does not do that, then she will burn out and be no use to anyone. Start her on some regular daily actions that will put her on the path to good mental health like spending time outside every day, gratitude journal, exercise, screen free time, good sleep hygiene. Wishing all of you the very best.

If she is near Hobart, the Peacock centre is an inpatient service but she would need to be referred and of course the demand is huge so it can be hard. This is also free. Also if she is near Hobart, she can call emergency services and ask for the pacer team to come out to see her. This is a specialist team made up of a mental health nurse, a paramedic and a police officer, all of whom are trained in mental health. They are there to deal with emergencies where there is a mental health aspect.

https://www.health.tas.gov.au/health-topics/mental-health/tasmanias-mental-health-system/child-and-youth-mental-health-service

https://www.dpac.tas.gov.au/_archived/divisions/cpp/child-and-youth-wellbeing/Mental_Health_Referral_Guide_for_Young_People_in_Tasmania_A3_Poster.pdf

https://headspace.org.au/headspace-centres/

just a couple of links to places you can try. Poor girl - she must feel so alone

I understand what you mean, and my inicial concerns were the same. Don't want to go to details, but I know she is a real person. I saw her when she was more open to people and was able to talk to others. Of course all info about her family is from her, shen she was more "open" she told a lot of thing abouth their house, their struggle with unemployed parents (how they are working), her relationships with her sibling, etc. All can be a lie af course, but can be a truth. Just think what would you do if someone would tell you they are going to commit suicide, what would you do? Pretend you did not hear or will try to help?

Why you want to know that? My DD is fine, she has friends in rela life, lots of hobbies. This friendship started a long time ago and that girl probably sensed thatmy DD is very empathic person. Anyway, with all respect, this post is not about my DD, it's about another person who needs help.

Thanks, will look at it tomorrow.
That friendship is not that intense as probaly some of you think. Not at all. This girl disappears for a period of times as she's in depression and feeling low, don't want to talk to anyone. When she's better she appears and write to my DD, as my DD is the only one who is open to her. When she disapperes for very long time, my DD contact her mum asking how her daughter doing, mum read the message, don't reply, but tell her DD that my Dd asked about her. Then she writes to my DD telling that she is not doing good, feeling low, mum not taking her to doctors, etc. Today was probably her cry for help with that voice message. There should be some help for her

Thank you! Too late today, but tomorrow I will get her address from my DD and will look if there any Headspace nearby

You sound incredibly naiive.

Teens tell 20 different people that they're the ONLY ONES that know their problems and their secrets.

If she was unable to talk to anyone she wouldn't be talking to your DD.

Explain to your DD that friendship requires boundaries. She cannot be her online friends MH crisis support system. She's not qualified to be with the best will in the world, and explain to her that the best way to help a friend in crisis is to be clear that there are levels of support that are beyond your DDs capabilities! Even MD qualified psychiatrists cannot be the crisis system for their own close friends and family, and would refer them to an independent professional if their friends need crisis support!

I'm not saying it's untrue for this person but I have come across people in this age bracket with mental health issues that make up all sorts of very believable stuff about their families - and none of it is true. I've seen it happen and be convincing even in person, let alone online.

First, protect your DD first of all.

Second, when my child was in a similar situation, I advised them that we had to do what they could live with if the worst did happen, so we let someone else know who took responsibility. (If you can't get hold of the mother, mental health crisis team, police, ambulance, anyone).

I am not naive. I probably sound like an idiot, but I am not. If that situation happens with someone else, I would probably would react like you and would probably reply don't listen what that teen is saying. It's a different situation, please trust my judgement (probably difficult), I am very sceptical and careful person. If I would think it's just teens "games" I would not ask for advice, I would just brushed this off.

Of course I can't verify her story about her family, but it's obviuos her mental health is getting worse. And yes, it affects my DD, she is too empathic and sensitive. What I want to do is to find some charity or organisation in Tasmania, try to connect them with that girl so she gets help if possible so my DD knows we did all we can.

I think if I were you, I would contact the police in Tasmania, ask them to do a welfare check. I too, would probably think the same as you are.

You haven't understood my post at all.

It's not about whether it's true or not: the right course of action remains the same regardless of whether it's true or true ISH or nonsense

I'm saying that your teen daughter cannot and should not act as crisis team. She's not qualified to, and even if she WAS a decade or two older and qualified, it would STILL be inappropriate for her to allow a friend to designated her as their whole MH crisis plan.

It doesn't help the friend to allow this dynamic to continue. In fact it could do the friend a lot of harm.

Call police re welfare check, and stand right back.

If the friends crisis is real, this is the only long term helpful approach

If the friend thought she had cancer, your DD wouldn't act as amauteur oncologist would she? So she shouldn't be amauture crisis team if the medical crisis is a mental health crisis either.

You probably don't understand me either! My DD is not taking a responsibility of a crisis team! Tell me where you are taking it from? That girls sent my DD a voice message expressing her desire to kill herself. Now tell me what my DD shoud do living in another country? Tell her to shut up? Go and finally kill herself? What? Would it be here, in UK, I would just call to police letting them to listen the message and would leave it with them. Niether me nor her don't know how to handle it from different continent, that's why I'm here asking for advice. All my DD could do today to talk her over not to do it. Tomorrow we'll look at trying to contact tasmanian police for wellfare check (will need to see how to do it from UK) and will try to reach mental health charities. In their previouse conversations my DD had alway advised her to go to doctor to get a treatment, nothing else. Would that girl have a cancer, my DD would also give the same advice - go to the doctor to get the treatment. Why you think my DD is trying to be her psychiatrist???

This is the right advice OP. Call the police for a welfare check. Leave it in the hands of someone who can do anything. This absolves your DD of any sense of responsibility too.