Is anyone from Australia in here? Need an advice.

[JTro]

Hi! I have a situation here which I don't know how to deal with, but something has to be done. My 16yo DD has an online friend (they started to chat during minecraft game about 3 yeras ago and became very good ftiends). This girl has depression and anxiety, dropped school in grade 9 (due to her depression, anxiety and bulliyng) and since then staying home in her room (she's 18 now) getting deeper and deeper in depression. When she's very low, she disappeared for a few weeks, sometimes months and when she appears again she still feels very low. I know that social services were involved as all her siblings also refused to go to school (she has 3 younger siblings), but what I understand is that child social services are very laid back about it as only recently they managed to get her siblings to go back to school and as she's an adult now, they don't care anymore. Her parents seems not to care at all about her mental state, her mum took her once to the doctors, who prescribed her medication to treat depression, but the medication did not work for poor girl and her mum just left it there as it is. Her parents were unemployed for a long time and went back to work around 2 years ago. They have a huge house they inherited from the grandparents (somewhere in Tasmania), but not keeping it in order. Today, after disappearing for a week, she sent a voice message to my DD that she's going to kill herself as there is no point to live. My DD was crying trying to talk her over to do anything, she managed to get her address and mum's phone number (mum didn't picked up phone, but it seems normal). For now she promised not to do anything harmful for herself, but I'm not sure for how long and what if she's done something stupid... So, I want to know who can I reach in Australia (more specific in Tasmania) to get some help for that poor girl and to stop her if she will be feeling to kill herself again. I'm in UK, so not sure how things work in Australia. Maybe tehre any charities, organisation who can help her to get right medication? My DD is the only person she speaks outside of her family, so she can't go and ask for help herself, and her parents don't care.

Call them right now. It's just after 9am in that part of Australia. The perfect time to call.

Since you're not sure who to call, I looked it up for you: https://www.police.tas.gov.au/contact-us/

I'm taking it from you stating up thread that you're taking this on because you stated that the friend won't talk to anyone outside of their family about their crisis except your DD.

That is not okay, and it's not just not okay for your DD, it's not okay for the friend either

My DD is in bed right now, she has GCSE exam tomorrow morning. I would not wake her up to get an address as it seems the girl promised not to do it. But she needs help obviously. Do you know if it possible to ask for welfare check online or it's only by phone?

You can ask either way. Personally I would phone.
I would also wake your DD up for the address so that if anything did happen, she can't feel bad about the delay (even though it isn't her fault). Waking her up will feel minor compared to the fall out if you don't and something happens.

No, I wrote she doesn' talk to anyone at all, not about crisis!! At all. She does not talk to anyone about anything! She talks only to her family members and my DD! When they talk they talk about different things, not only about her mental pronblems. Where you read this????

Of course your DD shouldn't tell the friend to go kill herself

But you as DDs parent should tell your DD that it is NOT on her.

If someone says they are actively suicidal, the correct action is always a police welfare check.

It is NOT A KINDNESS to the friend, if this is genuine, to allow her to continue this dynamic of another teenager on the other side of the world being her crisis plan / crisis support.

Yes, and she's using your DD to meet her emotional needs at your DD's expense. Your DD is going to be collateral damage in all this. Pass it onto the police now and help your DD move on.

No, I wouldn't wake her up as she assured nothing would happen for now, I trust her judgement. Tomorrow I will do it. Just checked - it can't be requested online. Will try to call, not sure how te send them the message though. But we'll see. But police will check, her mental problems will stay, she needs help

You need to take a breath and a step back.

In the context of a MH crisis this amounts to the same thing.

And outside of crisis it's not a healthy dynamic for either child and shouldn't be enabled.

You do not know if it's true or not. But the right action to take remains the same whether it's true or untrue.

Have you called the police? If not why?

That's your choice but the reassurances mean nothing. You are trusting your unqualified 16 year old to make that assessment. It can be hard to make for qualified people. Suicide is often preceded by a trigger event which could happen in the next hours.

Your DD might have more peace of mind for her exam if she knows it has been taken care of.

Honestly, I do not understand you. Tried, but could not. She know it's not on her, but she is distressed that someone she knows wants to kill himself. As a normal human being she wants to prevent it. She did it at the moment, somehow it worked. I came here to find a way from that to get a help. Police will be contacted tomorrow to check on her, charities will be contacted tomorrow to try to connect them to her. That's it. I got some good links from people in here, that's what was needed. The plan is clear now

Neither you nor your daughter are qualified to assess that. And as I said upthread, even if you HAD the qualifications, you still wouldn't be the appropriate people to assess someone that there is a personal relationship with.

It's NOT okay that your daughter will be waking up tomorrow morning feeling the weight of this is on her

Wake her. Get the address, Call for welfare check & take your DD offline for a few days

I do trust my 16yo enough to let her sleep before her exam. Would I think otherwise, it would be a different story

Don't wait till tomorrow, call now. Have you ever seen the aftermath of a suicide, because I have. Do you know about suicide contagion? The things I have seen OP, if you have any idea what the next years could potentially be like for your daughter and yourself, you would call this second. It's not worth the delay just for the sake of your DD.

I'm out. Good luck.

You do not need be calling around charities and mental health services asking them to contact her (or him, make up your mind!).

The police will make referrals when they do the welfare check. They are best placed to know who is local, who is good, who has capacity.

Thanks for your advice, I'm not going to wake her up. I know the picture as it is, you don't, so stop pushing me to do what is not needed right now, it's not going to happen. I got what I needed, but what I don't need to is to be treated like an idiot. So stop please. Thank you for your input, but that's enough.

Thanks! :)

Thank you. Have a nice day (or evening):)

No problem. I don't think any of those sorts of services will proactively contact someone without their consent anyway. It's really only the police who can initiate any sort of involuntary service/treatment.

Call the police in tassie for a welfare check.

After that, the best thing would be for the girl to go to the GP to get a mental health care plan so she can see a psychologist. But if she feels she cannot do that, I'm pretty sure Headspace has online support options.

Some people thrive off drama, even when it hurts their own children.

Call the police and get your daughter off the internet for a while.

Doubt she will take the DD offline. She's commited to keeping a toe in, god knows why. It's not out of kindness because it is not the right thing to do by anyone.

The timing should be very worrying & suggests either the friend isn't coping with "the only person they talk to" being busy with exams, or something more sinister.

Neither child should be encouraged to stay in this dynamic.

It does seem that the OP is enjoying the drama. I’m not sure why else she started this thread instead of just googling to find how to get a police welfare check in Tasmania

Good morning! Really interesting to read some assumption about me and my DD from people who don't know anything about us and who can't even read properly what I wrote but doing assumptions :) I knew there's a possibility of it on mumsnet.
Thank you to those who helped me to have a clear plan what to do, I appreciate it. To the rest - I will leave it here, so you can enjoy to share your assumptions and opinions about my "drama" here as much as you want. With your imagination you can definitely entertain yourself without our "drama". Good luck!

We have only tried to help, it isn't fair on your daughter, we just want to protect her too, she doesn't need to get so involved, surely you understand that. There is a time difference so calling from the UK in the morning is the evening/night in Tasmania, it's easy just to ring them, look up the calling code from the UK. Sorry but if it was me and this girl rings again I would say that my daughter isn't available, if she talks about self harm I wouldn't talk her down, I'd tell her I will call the local emergency services. no one is trying to ridicule you but you can't let this dominate your lives.