I regret something I did which I can’t undo

[CaptBirdsEar]

And can’t get it out of my head. I can’t change the past, I know that, but I feel sick all the time. It’s affecting my sleep, how can I put it behind me?

What did you do? Im sure its not that bad.

Even if you cannot undo it, is there any way you can make amends? Or make changes to ensure that you never do it again? You need to be compassionate towards yourself.

Agree with pp that having some idea of what you did might help with answers.

I think it would probably help to ask yourself why you did this and how you were doing emotionally at the time. We all make mis-steps - try to understand why you did what you did and give yourself some grace.

A wise person once told me , you did what you did at the time , as the person you were , doing the best to survive .

Everyone makes mistakes. What's important is to recognize the mistake and make changes so you don't do the same again. I do the same, ruminate over past mistakes over and over, I think it can be a form of ocd but is exhausting. Try to look at the bigger picture. The mistake is one small part of your life but should not define you.
Maybe some talking therapy would help if you can access it.

Obsessing over past deeds might be a sign of OCD. Have you spoken to a counsellor about this?

What type of mistake was it? I don't mean what exactly but was an error of omission, or misunderstanding or did you deliberately do something to hurt someone or damage something. When I wish I hadn't done something I find it helpful to think about why I did it.

My DGM used to tell me to never look back, always look forward. What’s done is done and can’t be undone.

You might not be able to undo what you did but can you make it right again. It’s hard to know what to suggest without some idea of what it was.

If you cant make it right can you do something symbolic to recognise you know your action was wrong? For example, if you’d stolen some money and you cant give it back for any reason ,you would make a donation to charity. Something that tell your mind to stop reminding you you did something wrong but to focus on what you did right.

Nobody is perfect and we all do things we regret. Unless you killed someone or irrevocably affected someone’s life, then it’s not worth this much angst

You need to give us some idea of what you have done OP if you want anything more than general advice about not being able to turn back the clock etc

Vow to learn from the mistake and then make sure you don’t repeat it. Forgive yourself. We all screw up sometimes.

I do know the anxiety and sleeplessness surrounding a mistake. But life moves on and nothing is ever as bad as it seems at the time.

Well it's done now. If it hurt another person obviously try and apologise and make amends. If that doesn't work then move on and learn from it. You know you won't do it again will you?

Maybe speak to a counsellor? Nobody has never done something they regret. But you can only change the future.

Is this affecting anyone else, or just yourself?

Are you over catastrophising how bad it was? Is someone harmed because of your actions?

If not, well the saying goes that its better to regret something you did than something you don't do, so I'd just try and accept it, take the positives or learn from hindsight and move on. No point dwelling.

I don’t want say what - but can assure you noone was harmed.

I’m trying to not think about it, because I know I can’t change things, and without wishing to be more cryptic - what I did was for the right reasons at the time.
I’ll answer some of your responses.
It is just affecting me.
I haven’t harmed anyone
I am trying to look forward
I know we can’t change the past
OCD ? It could be, I live alone and spend a lot of time on my own fretting about everything.

I hate living alone
My husbands been gone 6 years, we met when I was 20

Where can I find talking therapy? My dr?

Thank you for all your responses

what I did was for the right reasons at the time

That's all any of us can do. If it turns out not to be for the best then we learn from it. Given that we're probably around the same age (60's?) then it's kinda comforting to know that we are still capable of making mistaking and learning from them. Be kind to yourself, it really helps.

I can’t undo something I did, but time has been a healer, and when it pops in my head I just distract myself with something else. Some things you can’t change and I’m sure it’s not as bad as my thing.
anxiety medication also helps x

If it didn't harm anyone and was for the right reasons, why would you want to undo it?

Hi OP. I can relate as I’m going through the very same. I don’t want to say what, but am left feeling like I can’t just let it go. Well, it goes for a while then comes back into my head. I really wish I wasn’t going through this, it’s so annoying as I know if I told a close friend, they’d say just forget about it, it’s not important we all make mistakes, yet I cannot.

Generally we get stuck on things because we feel something is unresolved about it. You can’t take it back but can you act? By which I mean - apologise, make amends, learn a lesson, make a life change, use the lesson for good, pay back society/a person in another way through good deeds or an act or donation, admit the wrong. Etc.

I can’t take certain things back but I have apologised, stopped drinking entirely, volunteer locally and learned my lesson. These things make it easier for me to put my mistakes behind me.

I regret something terrible I inadvertently did twice as a child. I’ve never told anyone since then as I’m so ashamed but I do wonder if my parents should have been around more as I obviously wasn’t in my right mind to have done this.
I don’t know if the guilt is one of the reasons why I have suffered with poor mental health all my life. I was also SA by a sibling and have never told anyone about that despite decades of therapy and psychiatric inpatient stays including under section. Guilt and shame are a powerful combination. It’s too late for me now

I sympathise truly, it’s an awful sinking feeling isn’t i.

someone here suggested when I start to think about it, stop and think or something else. I’m trying that.

This sounds like possibly a morality OCD speak to GP about talking therapy if private isn't affordable..if private is the hypnotherapy can help this issue