I’m really struggling at the minute . I dont know what to do - I’m really scared I’m going to end up doing something drastic.
I’ve been depressed for almost a year now and had two admissions. I took an overdose on April 1st - panicked and went to hospital then was in psych ward for 2 weeks.
while I was in hospital I spilt up with my husband of 23 years. I’m now in the spare room and buying a house up the road. Our kids don’t know yet (they are 16 and 19).
my mood has never really got any better since last year and if anything it’s worse now. For the last 8 days I have got into a horrible pattern of sleeping around 6 hrs one night then only 1 or 2 then next. I’m exhausted and stressed to hell. I’ve gone back to work on a phased return and 3 days last week I had to drive 12 miles then do a 5hr nurses clinic when I had less than 2 hrs sleep. Last night I slept from 3 till
4 and that was it. I sat there thinking about suicide from waking up. I don’t want to do it because of how it will affect my kids but I really can’t/am not coping. I’m under the community team, I really dislike my psychiatrist, he’s not very approachable at all. I have a CPN who is nice but she’s not back till Tuesday. I guess I am worried about how I keep myself safe as I really feel like I’m losing my mind. I nearly rang the crisis team but I didn’t know what to say. I just think that the more tired I become the less I can control myself. I’m also hardly eating, I’ve just eaten porridge today. I feel so hopeless. I have bipolar type 2. I’m scared I’m going to lose it.