Struggling to stay safe with depression, insomnia and relationship breakdown

[MarmadukeM]

I’m really struggling at the minute . I dont know what to do - I’m really scared I’m going to end up doing something drastic.
I’ve been depressed for almost a year now and had two admissions. I took an overdose on April 1st - panicked and went to hospital then was in psych ward for 2 weeks.
while I was in hospital I spilt up with my husband of 23 years. I’m now in the spare room and buying a house up the road. Our kids don’t know yet (they are 16 and 19).
my mood has never really got any better since last year and if anything it’s worse now. For the last 8 days I have got into a horrible pattern of sleeping around 6 hrs one night then only 1 or 2 then next. I’m exhausted and stressed to hell. I’ve gone back to work on a phased return and 3 days last week I had to drive 12 miles then do a 5hr nurses clinic when I had less than 2 hrs sleep. Last night I slept from 3 till
4 and that was it. I sat there thinking about suicide from waking up. I don’t want to do it because of how it will affect my kids but I really can’t/am not coping. I’m under the community team, I really dislike my psychiatrist, he’s not very approachable at all. I have a CPN who is nice but she’s not back till Tuesday. I guess I am worried about how I keep myself safe as I really feel like I’m losing my mind. I nearly rang the crisis team but I didn’t know what to say. I just think that the more tired I become the less I can control myself. I’m also hardly eating, I’ve just eaten porridge today. I feel so hopeless. I have bipolar type 2. I’m scared I’m going to lose it.

Oh luv you need some help, can you possibly gone back on the sick ? You sound so unwell
I know exactly how you feel as I had a really bad episode myself a few years back.
sleep deprivation is a killer, your thinking is all over the place and most of it not true.

Are you on any meds since the psych ward stay ? They should if kicked in by now 4/6 weeks ago.
unfortunately, mh is on its arse and you don’t get the help you need.
re the psych - see if you can change to another one - just say you can’t seem to open up to them and your struggling. Please ring them, there open 24/7

please ring the crisis team if they have given you the number, knowing what to say
start with telling them how your feeling , what’s happening with you .

I too am really struggling today, nothing to the level your at but symptoms all the same
Ive not been able to eat today and had diarrhoea
Stomach issues being empty all jittery

Thanks for replying xx I am in a right mess, I know I am. I have been on lots of different meds over last year or so but nothing has solved the problem. I was on pregabalin for anxiety for 15 years and they took me off it last month which I doubt has helped things.
i think I need to ring the crisis team tomorrow, I could go back off work but I’ve literally just gone back and also i will go into half pay which is just going to cause another thing to worry about. I wonder if they will sack me because it will have been third time of being off in a year, I feel so overwhelmed by it all. I’m sorry you aren’t feeling good either xxx

Hello MarmadukeM,

We are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well, which it sounds like you're already doing. We just thought we'd add these numbers in case you need something a bit more 'immediate'.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Very best wishes to you, Marmaduke. We really hope you find the support you deserve to get through this really tricky time. You're definitely not alone.

MarmadukeM

You didn’t just stop the pregablin or come off to quick weaning off ?

do you not get 6 mths full then 6 mths half pay ?

you’ve an awful lot if stress going on
marriage breakdown, illness , phase back to work whilst still poorly and NO sleep practically your running on adrenaline which will eventually deplete.

Are you on talking term with husband ?
Is it really the end of relationship and your not just thinking it’s what you want because your minds not in the right place ?
Im in awe of how your carrying on day to day . I get you have kids and need money but there’s loads on benefits that manage !
nothing is more important than MH

I do know what I’m talking about and not just someone who doesn’t understand or know how mh is so debilitating
I had to stop work some 20 yrs ago as I just like you are and had a 4 yr old to look after when ex husband cheated on me and left . X

I stopped the pregabalin over a 3 week period which was quick but that’s what they wanted me to do.
I get 3 months full pay 3 months half pay.
marriage def over - he doesn’t want to be with me anymore.
im going to see how I feel tomorrow. Tonight I’ll prob crash and have a few hours sleep fingers crossed. It’s fucking exhausting!
thanks for your kind words xxx