people who had serious tantrums and rage moments, how do you get over it??? oh my god

[why00why]

title, sorry this will be long but can I just talk about something I think about a LOT, what I mean is these outbursts I sometimes got I have honestly no clue how you would deal with it and its been like this FOREVER. I am even embarrassed when I talk to my mom because of it even tough she is not mad. But I must have been a terrible kid to have and I have no clue why I am still some times like this.

I always hear you are not supposed to bottle it up but it's not like. I can ever let it out either bec get these rages that feel seriously unstoppable and it's like pure hate and rage is flowing through every blood vessel in my body tingling all over and I just go ape as crazy as it sounds I would literally throw and smash my stuff up left and right fling my arms out and scream bloody murder but when I am done I am done for a long time and calm again as if nothing happened.

And goodness I wrecked so much stuff and threw tantrums all the damn time when I was kid I truly mean that it’s not even funny. I remember slamming a door so hard it cracked off the hinges, and throwing my kick scooter on purpose down the stairs into our basement and it bashed so loud my mom came rushing thinking I am destroying the house or whatever I mean it.

I had a bad situation once where I ran into my room and ruined it all. I flipped my desk threw whole drawers full of stuff against the walls, grabbed my nerf rifle and swung it blind around like a baseball bat knocked everything off the shelves and stomped on it, I hit the ceiling lamp and bust the light bulbs and guess my mom heard me thrashing my room and when she came in I swung it full speed at my bed post and it shattered into a million plastic pieces that hit us both and there was finally quiet for a second after the chaos and she just stood there and looked at me for a moment and said we gotta clean this up. She didn’t yell I didn’t get punished no nothing she juss wanted to help clean that ultra mess carnage I just caused. I legit felt like I broke 99% of all the stuff I even had on that day I am not kidding I remember my mom was picking up pieces of a cd player I had and whatver off my bed because there was stuff everywhere it looked like hell.

And she would buy me new things she would buy the complete same things again for me once she told me just don't do anything to anything that doesn't belong you and It know what she meant. Because I would't stop I would rip my beds sheets to shreds, I destroyed every Nintendo ds I ever had the ds lite, the 3ds and 3ds xl and I would rage when I lost at games or when my mom tried to take it away and stuff I would obviously throw it or whatever and with the last one I had the screen part held on with tape and it had to be open all the time and when I was giving it so someone or played with them every body always asked what the heck happened to it.

One time I was absolutely mad coming out of school and I threw all my stuff away I just saw a trash can on my way and threw it all in there mid walk. The whole bag my books and pens everything and in that moment I felt literally free I will never forget it because it was also heavy and my back was sweating under it and it was so freeing to get rid of it. But of course in the couple days after that every time in school in each hour the teachers would ask have you forgotten your things again and that was until my one of the teachers I hate came up and asked why I keep forgetting it and I told her I don’t even have any of that anymore. And I guess she called my mom or whatever because she actually got me the exact same bag that I had before and bought new books and just gave it all to me saying don't worry that I "lost it" and I was confused because she wasn't even angry I was like how do you even know.

Anyway my mom just forgave a lot, and she never made me feel like I am a bad person but I just feel like I have no control and it terrifies me to think back at these times like if I was someone else dealing with me I would have run away from me or something.

WHAT can you even do with thoughts and moments like that it costs so much energy to suppress that!!!! And do NOT tell me go therapy take this and that etc I would never ever trust any of that and much rather stick w it on my own. Has anyone else had a history of stuff like that happening where they feel like a loose cannon or whatever just rogue and you yourself do not know what you will do next but it just forces to be let out somewhere. I don’t even know how to describe I am sorry if it sounds dumb but can anyone please relate!!!!

Well dealing with it on your own hasn’t worked so far has it?🤷‍♂️ Therapy would be my newer but you don’t want that so I’ve no advice.

Without addressing the root of the problem you'll never be able to fix it

Therapy is the way to address it.

You either accept that and take steps or accept that your life will be shit as you describe. And if you hurt someone or damage something that isn’t yours, it will get a hell of a lot worse very quickly

The choice is yours.

I didn’t get punished

my mom just forgave a lot

No consequences. One day you'll lose your temper with someone who won't forgive you and you'll end up in court or a hospital bed.

Maybe then you'll realise that therapy wasn't such a bad option.

As pp said, you can’t deal with this on your own, can you? You need therapy. You don’t change behaviours like that by sniffing lavender.

I hear you but the thing is that I cannot share that stuff anywhere. Think dark fantasies and violence etc like of course its bad to have that going on and so occasionally I guess I just lose it but as long as I suppress that its not like I am acting out every day...so why would I want to make a whole big deal out of it I just want the urges gone... Like can I not try and help myself somehow please understand that

Could these be autistic meltdowns?

But you aren’t able to help yourself. You need specialist therapy before someone gets in the way of your uncontrolled rage and is badly damaged in a way that’s going to permanently impact both your lives.

I think the fact that you've dismissed psychological help out of hand is a clue in a way. You clearly have major issues that need addressing but you don't think anyone is in a position to help. Whether that comes from an a place of fear, arrogance, ignorance or something else, I guess we'll never know.

Have you been to the GP? I know someone with anger issues but refuses to take his meds (I think it's a medical issue on top of past experience issues because no one should flip out that badly and uncontrollably).

But the other lifestyle issues as always - are you getting enough sleep, eating a diet free from UPFs, getting exercise etc. All these need exploring to see if they can help.

As nice as your mum sounds, and I am in no way holding her responsible for your rages, she was unable or unwilling to make clear to you that expressing your anger by destroying your possessions is unacceptable and self-sabotaging behaviour. If you had been my kid, you would have been learning this from the age of two. And anything you broke would be replaced at your own expense.

You may think that what you have to say or feel is unbearably dark and unmanageable, but to a good therapist holding and looking at those dark emotional elements with you is part of the job. It is a bit like reparenting.

I'd also say to you that we all feel anger and fear, but you do not have to act on it. You do have to sit with the feelings though.

I can relate, in terms of uncontrollable emotions, although I turned it inwards and self harmed. I'm better now I'm on anti-depressants and as long as I have enough sleep.

I'd suggest you have a look at dialectical behaviour therapy. It's not talk therapy in the way you might be thinking. Rather it's a collection of skills which you can learn and practice. Lots of free resources and apps online.

Have you looked into any kind of anger management information at all? There’s lots of free resources on the internet, and that might be a safe place for you to start considering and reflecting on your situation.

It’s one thing to know that you need to do things differently and then another to do something about it. From what you’ve described, you need proper professional help. That’s not a failing or anything like that, it’s your situation. You’re aware enough that you need to do something so that this doesn’t harm yourself or anyone else anymore.

Yes, anymore - because this has caused damage hasn’t it - property, the coping mechanisms your mum adopted, relationships with others, there’s already been a price. You have the power and agency to prevent further damage to yourself and others now. Use that power for your own benefit. Get help from someone who can help you.

This is not a normal thing to experience and I don't think it sounds like something you can work on on your own.

None of us are doctors (or if some people are, they are not your doctor) and can't tell you what the cause it but it could be anything from ADHD, bipolar, thyroid disorders, some kind of (physical or mental) trauma, absolutely anything really. It is not your fault if you are experiencing extreme emotions you don't feel in control of, but unfortunately it is your responsibility to try and understand why and gain control, before you hurt someone. It's not fair on your mum is it? Do you live with other people now or do you live alone? What do you think would happen if e.g. a neighbour called the police out of concern when you were having one of these episodes? What if you frightened a child or an animal by raging this way? What if you hurt yourself?

I don't actually think you need therapy, or at least not first, I think you need to speak to a psychiatrist who can assess where this comes from as it might need more specialist support such as medication AND therapy, but probably a specialised kind rather than general counselling. And you don't need to feel worried about them being shocked, doctors/therapists who work in mental health have heard it all before, believe me.

OP, have you heard of intermittent explosive disorder? Could it be that? Research thinks it may be a form of bipolar. I have it, and being on escitalopram completely snuffed out the raging, uncontrollable temper that would come from nowhere.

I strongly urge you to seek help, because it's entirely possible that what you're experiencing has a biological basis.

This, the fact you don’t seem to have been told this is wrong or faced any consequences is not good, for you or anyone else.

Hypnotherapy

Are you still behaving this way or are you talking about feeling guilt from when you did?

It sounds a lot like one of my dd's who's autistic and I was a lot like your mum because I recognised she couldn't help it.

I get the need for consequences but if behaviour like this is triggered by the nervous system it bypasses the part of us that has intention and willpower, it's like a car going from 0 to 60 in one second.

If you're still experiencing these rages you need to think about what your triggers are and work on lengthening the gap between the trigger and your reaction.

You do this not at the moment of the meltdown but by building your tolerance to discomfort eg cold showers, choosing to do something small that makes you uncomfortable but doesn't trigger that reaction etc

How old are you now? How old were you wben you had your last episode of this rage?

thank you for replying and yes I did a lot of googling and talked to chat gpt and replika about this and other stuff I have going on a lot. It could easily easily be some issue or whatever where I turn blank and don't even think about consequences and it really is like a runaway rollercoaster.

So maybe I can self medicate or develop skills to calm my sorry ass down hate to say it but this is how I need to overcome stuff see I kinda want to keep to myself and stay anon I don't want that to be like a big deal or whatever I don't need this in my life and I don't mean this arrogant or something believe me I am thankful for every reply but theres a reason I can't get into some of what they say here

Like for example don't think doctors have my best interest even tough I am over 18 they can still file reports and do stuff about you and so I could never be honest with them and talk about violent outbursts or dark fantasies and harm etc because they will ruin my life and freedom