Suspended from work after serious mistake and struggling to see a way forward

[DeepDarkBlack]

Made a massive error at work, I’ve been suspended and awaiting disciplinary meeting. I think I’m gonna be dismissed for gross misconduct. I can’t see a way back from this. There’s no way forward. I don’t know how we will cope without my wage but equally can’t see a way in which I can ever return to my previous type of work. Any one experienced similar and things got better?

Yeah, lost my shit is a good way to describe it. Not directed towards anyone, just in general.

Had you been seeking help/taking medication for this previous to the incident?

My thinking would be that if this was already an issue you were dealing with you’re not going to get in trouble and they’ll actually want to support you coming back to work eventually.

And even if it wasn’t something you were already receiving treatment for it’s something you would be now so it’s not just someone losing their shit and being inappropriate it’s a medical condition.

That sounds very difficult. Surely your workplace need to take into account your MH and support you rather than sacking you? Was this the first such incident?

@DeepDarkBlack im so sorry for what you are going through. Not conduct related but my husband has been at the sharp end of losing jobs and even losing a business (2 if you count one where he was a director and ended up doing all of the enormous work closing it even though he was the last director in and many had been there for decades) when circumstances conspired against him during the Construction Industry crash.

It is such a knock when this stuff happens but in the grand scheme of things health matters so so so much more. That needs to be your initial focus.

Each time we have had those knocks ironically we have ended up in a better place after. Not necessarily financially but overall as a family. We knuckled down, buckled in and made it work and that brought us closer together.

Jimmy Carr says that you won’t get a trust fund kid of good character and it is absolutely true - it is these difficult times that shape people. You will be shaped by this experience and you will recover from it.

You need to be much kinder to yourself, you are a human being, you have limits and you pushed yourself past them and it temporarily broke you.

The environment that led to that is clearly toxic, you either didn’t feel you could speak or weren’t listened to, that is not on you.

Recovering is where you need to make the real changes. You are not a failure, a situation didn’t work out for you. You are not entirely responsible for the situation not working out you were over whelmed and overloaded. Saying that you shouldn’t have broken down means that you are not recognising that another person in the same situation could easily have had the same outcome. It is not just you. You will recover.

That's another way of saying you are massively struggling. And you are getting treated but the treatment is not 100% successful. All powerful mitigating circumstances. In some cases mental health issues can be seen as a disability. So accommodations need to be considered.

If you weren't aggressive/violent/excessively rude to a colleague/ customer.....it's hard to see how that could be considered gross misconduct but obviously we have no idea what happened.

There are examples of wins at tribunal of disability discrimination when someone was dismissed because of behaviour that was a result of their disability. Some of them are mental health related. Definitely speak to union.

Every word of this.

Do not resign before the meeting, you may be jumping the gun. But your representative may be able to negotiate a settlement with reference for you if it looks as if the meeting is heading towards dismissal.

A genuine first time mistake is unlikely to meet the criteria for gross misconduct, unless you have broken the law.

Thank you all for the kind words - still trying to process everything. I don’t think I can ever return to work, the mere thought of it is giving me chest pain

You have to think about how you’d feel towards someone else if you witnessed them having what was clearly a bad mental health episode.

You would be worried for them and feel sad for what they were going through. You wouldn’t be judging them or thinking they’re a bad person and once they returned to your place of work you’d feel glad that they were feeling better and that’s what people will think about you.

Youre being really hard on yourself when really you need to be extra forgiving, loving and understanding towards yourself right now.

You haven't said exactly what happened. Are your employers aware of your MH condition and would it render you disabled under the Equality Act? If so and if they are aware there may be mitigation or the potential to settle amicably under settlement agreement.

It will be a balance between your rights under the EA and the reasonableness of adjustments that should have been made and what you actually did. Did you damage anything or anyone snd hoow public was it.

It's difficult without the full facts and hopefully your union will advise.

You sound like you’re going through out right now. If you were dismissed financially wise you might struggle for a little bit but you will get by. Your MH sounds really on the line here. No job is worth your MH. You are suffering so much now at the thought of loosing this job but they will be enjoying their weekend. Harsh, but true. I’m trying to say you need to put yourself first.
worst case, contact your finances and explain the situation. They have a duty of care and you will always find a way back although it doesn’t feel it now. You can do this. I’m really rooting for you but no job is worth your MH. Best of luck, OP.

Do you want to work there? If your mental health is declining you might be better having a break, accessing counselling and working on improving your mental health.
Then looking for work when you are ready

I was an HRD for many years OP. Your best bet is not to rely on your disability- your employer only needs to make reasonable adjustments and from your vague description of what’s happened it probably falls outside of ‘reasonable’. Your best bet is humility - apologise. Offer to pay for any damage. Write a letter if it’s easier.

If you really can’t return then you need some advice on a without prejudice conversation.

Not sure what an HRD is but why would you not rely on disability? I appreciate I’ve been vague but it’s really entirely related to disability in that but for my disability this event would not have occurred.

I think what @BlackBean2023 is suggesting is that under the disability act a company has to offer reasonable adjustments to allow the employee to continue in a role. There will be circumstances where there is no viable reasonable adjustments so can let you go for that reason even if cleared of the misconduct on mental health grounds.

For example I'm bipolar and a lab user, in one position I was having a bad episode and was called into my supervisors office as it was becoming clear that I was too unwell to be in the lab. I went off on sick leave for 4 months and when I returned I was safe to go back into the lab. Let's say something happened that amounted to misconduct whilst I was in the lab due to my mental health. They could accept that it was only due to my mental health that this arose and not dismiss me because of that. At the same time determine that I was no longer fit to continue in my role due to my mental health as there was no reasonable adjustments that would allow this situation to not happen again and allow me to continue in this role. I could then be dismissed on that grounds instead.

@Superscientistis spot on.

Your disability may have been the cause but the employer’s responses needs to take much more into consideration, including the safety of other employees.

Have they referred you to OH?

it’s impossible to give any firmer advice without knowing the details of what happened - I.e. throwing a chair across a room vs smashing up a colleagues desk and what your disability is.

FWIW I’ve had management conversations with more than one person for telling their boss to fuck off but the only one I’ve dismissed was the one who refused to apologise, blamed their anxiety and was long term sick for 6 months - they ended up being dismissed for capability reasons as opposed to the incident in isolation.

P.S HRD - HR Director. I’m in a much broader role now but HR still within my remit.

OP your union will support you. Long term mental health issues qualify as a disability so your employer needs to be careful here.

If you were affected by your medication and your mental health issues and that impacted your behaviour at work that day and caused the incident they will struggle to claim this was gross misconduct.

You seem to have decided you’ll never work again, and don’t seem too interested in the suggestions, advice as to how the current situation may possibly be resolved, if there is a current mental health crisis, so I guess the real question is what you plan on doing since going back doesn’t seem to be what you want even if you can

I agree with @SD1978 if you’ve already made your mind up that returning isn’t an option then it’s time to start planning your next steps. Why wait for the outcome of a meeting if you have no intention of returning. Either start job hunting now in a different sector / something that will be more manageable or look into benefits that maybe available whilst you work with the GP to manage your other issues

I’d this autistic burnout do you think? I think now is the time for recovery not big picture stuff like going back to work. If you are burnt out (autistic or not) your focus has to be getting your thinking back to a more compassionate place for yourself and taking time to recover from the situation.

Argh, I disagree with HR director. As I said plenty of case law that behaviour that is caused by a disability ca be protected. There is an example of a teacher showing and over 18 film to students. He won £600k for disability discrimination as he had asked for help to manage MH/Stress and didn’t get it. The showing of the film was deemed to be a misjudgment based on his disability.

OP isn’t “relying on her disability” she is disabled. I work for a union an do casework. Please get advice from them. HR is always on the side of the employer.

@FoxRedPuppy I'm also an HRD and I agree with you. The potential risks here regarding the Equality Act and whether reasonable adjustments were properly considered and in place would lead me to look favourably on a settlement.

Please don't tar all HRDs with the same brush. Some of us, whilst admittedly acting for the employer, have a little morality and can see where an approproate duty of care has not been exercised.

Please believe me that managers who have not exercised that duty of care have not enjoyed a feedback meeting with me. My union reps also tend to know who needs their support and who doesn't.

HRD Human Resources Director. Was the issue directly due to your disability or your reaction to a consequence of it?

I’m not uninterested in advice/suggestions - there’s just not a lot I can do right now over a bank holiday weekend and the thought of returning to work or interacting with colleagues makes me feel extremely anxious and overwhelmed.

I’ve no idea what my next steps should be or want long-term