Worn out, tired and the suicidal thoughts are back

[Quaver213]

Hi Everyone, for avoidance of doubt, I am a bloke but here for some advice, help or simply people to talk to.

I have suffered on and off with suicidal ideations for years. These are usually triggered by crappy work situations (overwork etc…). I’ve been working since I was 13 years old, then it was for survival and now, at 40, in a position most would consider “doing well”. More recently I quelled the ideations by making a change in job, due to politics and that bought me a few months to decompress slightly. As it turned out the place I have joined is terrible. As such the suicidal thoughts have returned and I am certain I am depressed. More than this, I have two young children, 7 and 2 and whilst I haven’t actually gone through with anything in terms of self harm, I’d say in the past I have come close.

I am looking for another job. I know this might be a sticking plaster but for those who might have seen my other thread, there are legitimate concerns about the place I am at.

I feel worn out. Tired. I almost feel like I just want to take a break from work for 3-6months. It won’t be possible to do so at my current workplace (as I am within a probationary period), it would have to be an exit. However, I’m what you would classify as a HENRY (High Earning Not Rich Yet) and only have around £50k in savings, with a £2.7k mortgage and over £2k in childcare costs. My wife does work although she earns less than me and I don’t know whether the lack of a pay check would stress me out.

So, with all this rambling what is my ask of you:

1. Advice - take the break, see a doctor, leave my current (new within probation) employer. All the above.
2. if I voluntarily leave my work place, does that impact my entitlement to benefits? And what benefits might I be entitled to given mine is not the only household income. For context, I’ve never claimed a benefit personally in my life so I don’t know much about how I might get. I know it won’t be much versus the £100s of thousands of pounds I have paid in direct taxes but I will leave the politics at the door.
3. I guess I just need someone to talk to (even over the internet). I can’t talk to my wife, she doesn’t understand when I have raised things in the past and I feel alone.

1. Absolutely. No one should consider ending their life because of a job. Get signed off if you can and start looking for a role that is (at a minimum) enjoyable; even if that means taking a step back in pay or seniority.
2. No, I don't think so but others will be able to advise
3. You shared a home, a life and 2 children with your wife. If you believe you can't tell her your feelings then she needs to know that. Maybe marriage counselling is an option

As @Eyesopenwideawake it is not worth it. Its a job. Its money. With the savings you have you can afford time out and im sure you'd be entitled to some form of benefits even if its sickness or such. Please take this pressure off yourself

Hello @Quaver213 , we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health Resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Hi Quaver,

Sorry you are feeling this way.

I would speak to your GP and get signed off. It sounds like you need some breathing space and the feelings you are having are serious.

In my experience if you've not asked before etc the GP were very helpful with getting signed off and even what I wanted the note to say.

For a bit of info- if the worst happened and your work let you go with limited notice (due to being in your probation) - because you will have paid a lot of tax in this tax year already, I expect you would get a decent amount back, if you suddenly earn less in March.

Equally if you were unemployed at the start of April, in the next tax year, the same logic applies. If you went back to being a high earner later on you would be taxed less to reflect the period of unemployment.

Just in case that reassures you or helps at all!

Have you spoken to a GP? There are a lot of AD's like sertraline which can massively help with stress. Have you had counselling?

Are you exercising, eating ok and sleeping? The basics really are so important when you are struggling.

NOTHING is more important than health /happiness - money, car, house , image, status in society !

You are needed by your children and family - losing you would devastate them more than anything material !

You WILL be entitled to financial support.

How can your wife not be interested ? - she married you for better/worse .

Good luck !

My problems have always been my problems to deal with. I remember the last time I was on anti-depressants for stress c. 10 years ago, I had to reassure her that I was going to keep things going financially (I did).I genuinely question whether she actually loves me to be truthful.