Can I ask for ideas for input into “the list” for a life worth living?

[bakingmad123]

This might sound silly, but I’ve started working on something I call “the list”. It’s basically a list of things that of things I can do / places to go with my DD (age 15).

It’s been a horrible few years - I had been well for a long time but then suffered a severe relapse of my bipolar and CPTSD, experienced severe DV and was then left by my DH. I spent some time last year in a psychiatric hospital, relapsed into some addiction issues, and also a suffered a number of severe injuries including broken bones and serious 3rd degree burns. I’m now slowly recovering and receiving a lot of therapy and support and back in full time work, but I’m struggling to find the will to keep going or the joy in any aspect of life. I feel like I’m just living for my daughter and out of love for her, rather than having any hope of being happy again.

ive started working on a “list” of things we can do together to look forward to and add something to the days to make it feel like I’m actually living. We’re very close but she’s obviously been through a huge amount and I hope this will help her too. I’ve bought a calendar to add things to to look forward to, and starting a spreadsheet of ideas we can plan. Most will have to be local (we live in Hampshire) and low cost as finances are very strained, but we can plan some longer term / mid-cost things in to.

So far we have:

Southampton City Art Gallery
Tudor Ghost Tour (for giggles and maybe some history Southampton)
Go Ape (scared of heights but she loves it and trying to get out of comfort zone)
Tate Modern
Liverpool International Slavery Museum (drive and get cheap overnight air bnb)
Open air swimming
Ice bath and Sauna
Indoor go karting
Comedy Show
Collecting rocks / sea glass from the beach then crafting with them
Yoga with animals
Spa Day

probably sounds daft, but I’m hoping it will help. Activities could be a whole day, a few hours or an overnight thing. Would love any ideas

xx

You’ve been through so much and you be so proud of yourself. I would ask chat gpt what you can do within the area and what your budget is to give you some ideas xx

@bakingmad123 i think its a fantastic idea and I hope it helps with your recovery.
However the slave museum is quite sad in parts. Just going from my own experience x
I hope you have a fantastic time on your adventures.

A really good ice cream shop?

Betty's tea house

Afternoon tea in Bath.

A Fanny Lumsden gig. She is about to start touring UK and the shows are joyous and fun and really getting back to what a good gig is https://www.fannylumsden.net/tourdates

A magazine and coffee/boba tea afternoon.

Library talks. (Mine has a huge range of things from visiting authors to learning new skills)

Pick a spot on a map based on the name and go for a drive.

Buy a recipe book and make yourselves a special dinner.

I don't think it sounds daft. I like what you have on your list so far. I've done something very similar in the past.

I'm struggling for specific suggestions for you but one of the ways I found opportunities for my list was checking library and community noticeboards and magazines for activities and groups, checking local organisations and charities for any events or activities they were running, just cast my net very widely and created a web of places and organisations and people.

Often when you do one activity you will find out about other opportunities and so your list grows. That might be from other people talking about other events/activities/places or then being advertised - keep your ears and eyes open.

Looking on Google maps at things within travelling distance. Wildlife trusts and national trust can have interesting ad hoc events or activities. Any local larre parks may be run by a trust that puts on activities.

I do have one idea. You have beach combing on your list - what about fossil hunting? Depending on where in Hampshire you are, you're not far from the Jurassic coast which has some great sites for fossil hunting on beaches where it's fairly easy to find prolific ones like belemnites and ammonites (eg Charmouth museum does guided walks, likewise Lyme Regis). And there are fossilised dinosaur trackways at Spyways that you could visit - that's a bit closer to Hampshire than Charmouth.

Geo caching
chocolate making class
make your own pottery
candle making
ski lesson at an indoor snow dome
indoor skydiving
tubing at a dry slope

some a bit more expensive maybe…

Thank you so much for all these ideas and supportive words. It’s made me feel less stupid and more hopeful - really thank you. It’s so hard to find the courage to keep going at the moment and I really feel this could help. Just people taking the time to add their thoughts shows me that there is kindness left in the world.

I love lots of these - the chocolate making, candle making, indoor skydiving, pottery making, library notice boards, community and charity activities, fanny lumsden, trying ChatGPT etc, all such great ideas.

thank you xx

You sound like a wonderful mum and I hope your recovery continues and you find joy and happiness again soon x

Sounds a great idea. Some suggestions:

perfume making workshop

or buy some essential oils and make your own perfumes at home

sailing (many sailing clubs do an open day where you can have a go)

textile workshop eg wet felting or needle felting

get your makeup or skincare done at a department store (at ours you can book a free session at each brand)

zoo (often 2for1 train deals or Tesco Clubcard deals)

classical music / film music concert

regular film night at home with nice snacks, maybe watch a whole series eg all the Harry Potter films

Heritage Open Days (Sept 11 to 20) - loads of free tours, talks, workshops, free entry to places which usually charge

visit Southampton Scrapstore and chose some crafting materials and then do some crafting

mystery tour (self guided tour looking for clues)
https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Attraction_Review-g186298-d19086947-Reviews-Mystery_Guides-Portsmouth_Hampshire_England.html

pick a different cuisine each month and a) visit a restaurant and b) get a library cookery book and cook a meal of said cuisine. If it involves visiting a specialist shop for ingredients, even better.

I love your list and I'm sure your girl will . Great idea!

You sound like a very brave and resourceful woman and a great Mum. Sending you 💐.
All these sound like great ideas. What about attending a yoga class together or going on a mini retreat? Or learning swing dance or the jive?

Ah OP, you've been through such a lot. I hope you have a wonderful time working your way through the list!

My random thoughts:
Hampshire has some National Trust places. If you want to go to at least 3, it can be worth becoming members.

Also, you are near to some great beaches. Bournemouth has fantastic beaches and also a swimming pool with fab slides.

Arundel castle is good.

Have you explored the Isle of Wight?

Long ago as a teen I enjoyed seeing Brighton pavilion.

Do you think you might enjoy a hobby like cross stitch or adult Lego?

I love that you have Go Ape on your list - I'm a big fan!

What a lovely idea. How about growing something? Maybe plant some herbs or some summer bulbs. If you've got a garden, you can buy plants really cheaply at Morrisons or Asda. Tomatoes in a pot perhaps? A rose or a beautiful climber. There's something wondrous about watching things grow.

@bakingmad123 Hayling Island donkey sanctuary

other possibles here, here, and here

If you can dedicate the time and effort animals are a fantastic benefit for your mental health. 🌻

British Museum.

Fossil walks on the Isle of Wight are really good - there are sand casts of dinosaur footprints on the beach

Oh you’re making me cry! Don’t feel stupid!! It’s such a lovely idea to make memories like this.

Oh OP, bless you both. This is a lovely idea!

I don't know your area so can't listen specific places there, but I will just try to write down some general activities my daughter and I have enjoyed together (she is a similar age to yours and we spend a lot of time together).:

Learn to knit/crochet together
But and renovate a dolls' house
Cooking/baking together.
Some kind of craft class (we did glass engraving).
Going to see live music (could include local bands)
Museums
Art gallery
Going to see a sporting event, even if it's not a sport you are both usually into the experience can be fun (we went to see boxing!).
Doing a jigsaw
Board games together.
Making our own lock-down style horror film
Picnics
Nature walks
Wild camping
Normal camping
Home spa treatments
Going to local fetes
Going on rides at a local fair
Cinema
Theatre

I can't think of anything else at the moment, but I really hope you both have some magical experiences together!

I'd say go to a cat cafe.

Oh, and for longer trips:
City break staying in a Premier Inn or Travelodge
Traditional seaside tyoe break, includinf amusement arcades!
Camping/glamping. (Campsites tend to be very cheap, and a two person tent won't set you back much).
Short city break abroad (Berlin was the cheapest when I factored in flights and accommodation).

Splatter paint experiences always look like fun!

Glamping in Pembrokeshire in a dark sky area, with stargazing benches

Hi! My daughter is studying music at Southampton University, check out Turner Sims concert hall on the campus, often their lunchtime concerts are free (check first)- also, in the summer at Puckpool Park on the Isle of Wight they have outdoor evening films- you order tickets but it’s free and they’re good fun films usually although you’d have to pay for the catamaran over there. Good luck with your list! X

I’ve just remembered, you mentioned The Tate, next door to it (virtually) is a lovely small gallery called Bankside Gallery, worth a visit and free also.

I hike and love that, are there trails/hills nearby? Picnic, sunrises, sunsets etc bring free joy. I also love taking pics. I get so excited to edit them and make my little albums of my adventures. Scrapbooking could be cool if you print them off and collect little reminders like tickets, leaves, sweetie wrappers etc to journal all your adventures and progress. One off things are good but if you can find a passion it makes life more worthwhile consistently. Climbing wall and outdoor rock climbing also adrenaline inducing. Well done you’re doing great 🥰

I don’t have teens so I can’t help loads with activities, but I’d recommend looking at houseswaps/housesitting - it would be a free way to find some short term accommodation in a new area to explore and have a bit of an adventure (generally it’s people with pets who use house sitters but I see from your list you probably don’t mind animals, if puppy yoga is on there!)

Walk the Test Way?
You can even do it for a Charity on ~last weekend of September