Can I ask for ideas for input into “the list” for a life worth living?

[bakingmad123]

This might sound silly, but I’ve started working on something I call “the list”. It’s basically a list of things that of things I can do / places to go with my DD (age 15).

It’s been a horrible few years - I had been well for a long time but then suffered a severe relapse of my bipolar and CPTSD, experienced severe DV and was then left by my DH. I spent some time last year in a psychiatric hospital, relapsed into some addiction issues, and also a suffered a number of severe injuries including broken bones and serious 3rd degree burns. I’m now slowly recovering and receiving a lot of therapy and support and back in full time work, but I’m struggling to find the will to keep going or the joy in any aspect of life. I feel like I’m just living for my daughter and out of love for her, rather than having any hope of being happy again.

ive started working on a “list” of things we can do together to look forward to and add something to the days to make it feel like I’m actually living. We’re very close but she’s obviously been through a huge amount and I hope this will help her too. I’ve bought a calendar to add things to to look forward to, and starting a spreadsheet of ideas we can plan. Most will have to be local (we live in Hampshire) and low cost as finances are very strained, but we can plan some longer term / mid-cost things in to.

So far we have:

Southampton City Art Gallery
Tudor Ghost Tour (for giggles and maybe some history Southampton)
Go Ape (scared of heights but she loves it and trying to get out of comfort zone)
Tate Modern
Liverpool International Slavery Museum (drive and get cheap overnight air bnb)
Open air swimming
Ice bath and Sauna
Indoor go karting
Comedy Show
Collecting rocks / sea glass from the beach then crafting with them
Yoga with animals
Spa Day

probably sounds daft, but I’m hoping it will help. Activities could be a whole day, a few hours or an overnight thing. Would love any ideas

xx

If you are coming up to Liverpool, I can recommend lunch at Maray.

Go Ape is actually quite thrilling. I love the idea of sea glass crafting as well.

What comes across to me as an internet stranger is your care for the relationship you have with your daughter.

Good luck with your bucket list!

Buy the Art fund pass about £100 for the year for you plus any kids. (Or get a friend to refer you and get a 3 month trial for £20)

Gets you into Portsmouth Historic Dockyard (for Victory and Mary Rose) and Osborne House free, and 50% of D-Day story and Sea City Southampton. Tons of other places all over the country as well.

How about a visit to the lavender fields in Alton? So uplifting and you will be able to take fabulous photos 🪴

Go to your local park run and get around it somehow. Walking is fine. Free and fun.

Southampton(ish) specific thoughts:
Lepe Country Park
Royal Victoria Country Park
The Great Hall, Winchester
Southampton Old Town Walls (self guided walk)
Lymington Quay on a sunny day, market day is still Saturday (also recommend The Imaginarium - an independent bookshop in Lymington which hosts author events and only charges a small entry fee)
The Attic for low cost comedy
LitFest 26 at the MAST (see listings on Mayflower Theatre's website - it's pay what you can afford)
University of Southampton Music Society concerts are often c.£5

Pottery class
Sushi workshop (Yo Sushi! Do them
in many branches
Make each others a birthday cake
@@@

How about an interactive treasure hunt . Groupon do them - cities and towns. Kills a few hours and you learn stuff about the area.

How about a boat trip (punting in Cambridge ? or one on the Thames ?)

Not a stupid idea at all. Huge congrats - do not underestimate your worth / effort in recovery x

Thank you again so much, we’ve been busy scribbling down all the ideas and researching and getting some stuff into the calendar for march! We’re doing an art gallery, sound bath, guided tour, baking workshop and ghost hunt in March - now planning April! I’m so grateful for all the support and ideas on this post - it’s been so helpful and I can finally (tentatively) see hope for the future xxx

Star gazing - go to a 'dark sky' site near you. One to do soon - as we get into summer it won't be dark enough.

I spend a lot of time baking these days. It's a great form of stress relief, and somehow very grounding. My granddaughters love it, and sit chattering with excitement while we're waiting for something to come out of the oven.

Jane's Pattisserie is a great follow on Instagram. Her no bake cheesecakes are a great start for beginners, and I've never had a recipe of hers not work.

You sound like you have an amazing bond with your daughter ❤
So many great ideas here!

How about a pamper evening at home for rainy days? Do each others nails, try new face masks, get some sweets and watch a film?

Have you thought about trying a gratitude journal for everyday things? I started one with my son when he was having a very hard time, and we tried to put three things each a day that we were grateful for. Some days it was literally the smallest things like, I really enjoyed my can of lemonade at lunchtime, because when you're low it really is so hard to find positives. We both ended up looking forward to writing in it at the end of the day after a while.

Just wanted to say it's National Lottery week 7-15 March and you can get into some National Trust places with a lottery ticket that week, not sure if any other attractions do it. Might save a few pounds.

Art Pass is great as mentioned above. We have a Boundless pass which is something like £60 the year and includes English heritage, historic royal palaces, Kew Gardens, wetlands centres, etc, and now also includes Art Pass. It really saves quite a lot.

I am planning to go to the Tracey Emin retrospective at Tate Modern, then something to eat at Borough Market and go up Tower Bridge.

What an utterly lovely idea, OP! I don’t know your area, but here are some free/cheap ideas from me:

1. Agree with pp on something like a gratitude journal. When my teens were in a tricky patch we did it as a family at supper - what are three things today that have made you happy or grateful. We wrote them on slips of paper then put them in a pot. After 6 months or so, we took them out and looked at them. As pp says - some days our good things were tiny but it got us all into a habit of spotting the good moments in every day and was a real mind shift change. It must have been 6 or 7 years ago but sometimes my kids will still suddenly ask what our good things are fromtoday!
2. Grow something - depending on your space, you could try some easy veg - like tomatoes in a grow bag or potatoes in a potato bag.. Or if flowers are more your thing, sunflowers or sweet peas are both really satisfying. Getting muddy, then nurturing the little plants is so hugely satisfying
3. have a themed supper and film night - so for example … a classic french dish (coq au vin is easy, and a bought French apple tart) paired with a great French film (Amelie is always a nice joyful one) - go candlelight and tablecloths, or dress up; or burgers chips and milk shakes with something set in New York (lots of choice there!) Or plan a full sofa afternoon/evening with snacks: either themed eg all the harry potters; or different films from a favourite actor; or you both pick a film
4. go for a wildlife walk: go at dusk somewhere near a river and look for bats (just coming out of hibernation round here) and foxes. Or get Merlin (free birdsong app) and see how many different birdsongs you pick up on your doorstep. I get that’s a risk of being uncool with a teen but both my two find any wildlife encounter a bit magical
5. follow action for happinesses challenges every day for a month: https://actionforhappiness.org/calendar

I hope you age a really special summer together - you both deserve it

OP your plans with your daughter sound absolutely wonderful and I am loving all the ideas PP suggesting.
Mine are take a boat trip as you are near the sea to look for wildlife dolphins porpoises seabirds. Take binoculars (borrow?) if possible to spot more.
Visit Brownsea island to see red squirrels.
Fill a backpack witha day’s drinks lunch and snacks and set off on a trail eg coastpath. Record all the nature you encounter eg spring flowers.
take a little water colour pad and paints and each sit for a while absorbing where youare.
stargaze.
moongaze and notice all the phases of the moon.
go for a nightime walkand listen for owls and look for bats.
go for a dip in the sea then warm up with a flask of hot chocolate (and possibly Baileys)😁
themed evening (eg different cuisines)where you plan together drink, meal, decorate table, activity eg film, dancing
grow your own herbs veg and salads
plant a tree each and nurture them
be a secret angel to each other for a week (obviously it won’t be very secret😆)and each day leave a tiny surprise for the other person eg a note, poem, sweet treat, recipe, tiny gift, fortune cookie, fave drink, promised future favour of a job they hate doing, lipstick etc.
both read the same book and discuss
light a fire (in fireplace if you have if not firepit in garden) have lovely lights eg fairylights, lanterns, candles, read a story aloud together, sip cocktails/mocktails/mint tea/hot choc, snuggle up in blankets.
Go to a free talk/lecture
do a house swapwith a friend or use company for free breaks to somewhere new
take a train to a new city and explore. Take it in turns to plan a day out with surprises for each other.
Enjoy your new adventures OP.

You list reminded me of the National Trust 50 things list. Although aimed at a younger child, there’s nothing stopping you doing them also, or it may give you more ideas.

You don’t have to belong to the NT to do them.

Also think it’s a lovely idea. Maybe you could go old school, and make a scrapbook up of your list as well.

https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/visit/50-things

https://www.cruise118.com/cruise/MSCVI20260523SOUSOU?cabin=&passengers=

short cruise from Southampton! Super fun for teens and a good way to let them wander off now and then and yet know you’re nearby!

Lovely idea!
Going round Lush trying all the different products can be fun.