What’s left?

[PurpleLovecats]

Anyone who’s been following will know I’ve had struggles with my change in my diagnosis which has left me with little support.

I’ve been taken off antipsychotics and been told I will not be allowed them again as I’m not psychotic. This has left me with severe hallucinations and visions that plague me constantly. I cannot drive although my last psych got my license back but I find the voices too distracting and am too scared I will hurt somebody as they tell me to do so.
I self harm daily as the voices give me the option of hurting myself or others.
My drs say they cannot do anything as the psych diagnosis now is PD.
I sleep about 3 hours a night, broken.
I very rarely leave the house.
Samaritans and local charities tell me to go to A and E. The GP sent an ambulance last week. The MH team in A and E send me home as they say I’m attention seeking due to PD.
The psych said he did not believe I hallucinate, he said I’m a fantasist despite 6 previous sections for psychosis and 4 more voluntary admissions. I’m not allowed hospital treatment now as they say it’s not appropriate for PD.
I have put in two complaints, one they rejected, the other is now being investigated.
I’ve requested justification of the PD diagnosis referencing the criteria and why I don’t believe it is appropriate. No response.
My family have raised concerns and been ignored.
I’ve requested to move team with no response. I’ve been denied any further psych appointments.
Local support groups say I am too unwell for them to manage. I have an advocate whose advice was the complaint.
I’ve done online courses through a local provider that I was referred to by the MH team. I’ve done them in PD, complex trauma (I have no trauma profile), managing emotions, self harm. All course deliverers have said present differently to the norm although the PD course deliverers today said that I could still have it with no trauma profile, no history of emotional difficulties, no relationship issues etc. which seemed strange to me but they are the experts I guess!
I’ve a detailed suicide plan. My affairs are organised for post death. My family are aware. I’m told I’m attention seeking by services and that my hallucinations are fantasy.
Is there anything else I can try? I’m so so close to giving up…

I’ve seen your previous posts @PurpleLovecats. I’m afraid I don’t have any advice but just wanted to say that I can imagine how awful it must feel to be called an attention seeker by MH professionals. You need to remember your husband and children and hold on for them, however difficult it is.
Are they offering you any treatment for a PD if that is what they are diagnosing?

Hi there, @PurpleLovecats ,

We're really sorry to hear you aren't getting the support you currently need. We may have sent you this before but thought no harm in sending again just in case. There are a few numbers here that you could try if you need a bit of support or advice urgently.

https://www.mumsnet.com/i/mental-health-webguide

How are you feeling today @PurpleLovecats?

Just really low. Hearing these angels constantly and not being able to leave home is very difficult. I contacted PALS about my complaint and they said they hadn’t actually raised it as a proper complaint, they’d just requested a response. So ive asked for that be escalated. Keep being told to go to A and E but there’s no point, they drs are wonderful there but then the MH team just send me home with no support.

I’m sorry you are suffering like that. Have you been offered any therapy to help you deal with the voices if they say it is a PD rather than psychosis? I know it’s not the same but I think people with Tinnitus can be taught strategies for dealing with the constant noise of that.

I was offered therapy for childhood trauma.

I don’t have any.

I can’t live with the voices though, they have to go completely.

That’s bizarre.
Have you tried a private psychiatrist to see if they would give a different diagnosis?

I can’t afford it. Because if they prescribe I’d have to return for each prescription. I don’t earn so we are dependent on my husband’s low wage and my PIP but that all goes on bills.

My private psychiatrist sends review letters to my GP and asks them to prescribe the meds that he recommends. You should be able to do that too once you have the diagnosis.
Could your family help with the cost of the appointment as it is such a debilitating thing for you to hear the voices?

No, it’s just us.

Sorry I was mixing you up with another poster on here who has parents and adult children.
Soory you are going through this difficult time. I hope that PALS can get some answers for yiou. xx

How are you feeling now @PurpleLovecats?

Thanks for asking.

I actually think I’m going mad. I’m sleeping about two hours a night. Imagine if somebody followed you and talked in your ear constantly, when you tried yo sleep, when you showered, when you did housework. When you watched tv, whilst you ate, whilst you tried to talk to your family.
Prisoners suffer less torture than this. Because that’s what this is, pure torture. I feel like I’m going mad. I can’t live this way and nobody wants to help.

That does sound horrendous @PurpleLovecats
You are so strong to cope with it. Could you get some medication to help you sleep so you at least get some respite from the voices? Can you block it out with music or white noise through headphones?
Apologies if these are stupid suggestions, it’s hard to know what to say really. Maybe someone else on here who hears voices can suggest ways to deal with them? 💐

Sadly that doesn’t work. The only thing that distracts me is going on my laptop but it has to have no volume as it muffles my mind otherwise. I play a game that keeps me occupied a bit or do surveys and things.
3 hours sleep last night.

Can’t your GP prescribe you something to knock you out at night? Everything feels 10 times worse when sleep deprived. I had terrible insomnia myself but Duloxetine is helping with that, although I am lacking motivation to do much at the moment.

Unfortunately they won’t as I’m an overdose risk.

Maybe try Nytol one-a-night for a couple of weeks then as that is the strongest OTC sleeping aid in the UK