Waiting for crisis team to call me

[NotQuiteUsual]

My care team are shut and I'm in crisis. I keep having urges to hurt my husband. I'm so scared. I've never had urges like this before. I'm hiding away in my bedroom keeping away from everyone while I feel like this.

I know what to do if the urges get too much, I'm to call 111 option 2 again so don't worry about my safety. I just need to talk and keep distracted while I wait.

I keep thinking my husband is poisoning my tea and I'm doing very triggering trauma therapy right now. So it's no wonder it's all reached crisis point.

Life feels fake like it's all one big simulation and if I die ill be free. It also means since everything is fake there's no real consequences to my actions. My brains moving to fast I can't hold onto any thoughts.

Hi, I don’t have any experience of crisis situations, but happy to stick around and chat if it helps distract x

Its so good that you’ve written this down

keep typing op

Can you ring a helpline such as The Samaritans?

@NotQuiteUsual here if you need to chat/ distraction. Sending virtual hugs 🤗

Hiya OP, I'm sorry that sounds very frightening.
Keep posting, keep talking x

I went to a cafe all by myself today. It was nice. But it was a bit too much.

Everything is so fake and pointless. Im not compatible with this reality that's why I struggle to much.

Hand hold here. Whilst you’re waiting, did you know that octopuses have 3 hearts and blue blood? (Just in case a little distraction helps)

I hear you.

To be gentle, sounds like you might have psychosis. I have it.

Make sure you tell the crisis team everything, and I mean everything. They will help and refer you to EIP if needed (who are brilliant).

You're doing all the right things. Be very proud of yourself.

I hope they call you soon x

Is your husband aware of how your feeling op and what your thoughts are?

What's your favourite TV show?

Hey, another hand hold here - at this rate we’re all going to get a finger each!
You’ve done absolutely the right thing in recognising what’s happening, phoning & posting, well done.

They just called. They made me tell my husband about it. Im scared he'll hate me now. They said it's just an intrusive thought and if I just have a bath and calm down it'll go away. Im still so scared. Now dh knows I want to hurt him he'll try to secretly hurt me first. I didn't want him to know.

Do you have any friends you can contact and tell them how you’re feeling? They could tell your husband if you wanted

You could always admit yourself into a psychiatric unit if you want. Someone I know did that. Usually it’s through A&E.

Maybe you’d feel safer in a psychiatric unit. I know I did when I was in crisis mode.

Sounds like a great achievement that you made today, hold on in there and keep posting, wish I could offer advice, but I can listen

This is a good idea.

No she can't thats not a thing

Have you recently started any new meds?

Which country are you in as you certainly can’t do that in the UK unless it is a private facility?

I need to be home. No new medication. There was talk of lithium alongside my antipsychotics and antidepressants but that never happened. Dh is mad at me i can tell. He'll never dorgive me.

Hey, you are doing really well. You are acknowledging and voicing these thoughts because you know they are not you, you know they are intrusive and you know you do not wish to live them out.

you mentally must be in a lot of pain. I can absolutely understand how this feels and you really do need to dig deep into your brain (I know it hurts) to just try to find an inch of you and sit with that inch.

you are ok, you will be ok. Sit with everything, sit with how you are feeling and I know how extremely painful it is but you quite literally have to ride this storm whilst you wait for the help you need. Do go to a&e if you can, otherwise wait for the crisis team. You could even call 999 and have an ambulance sent to you.

well done for telling your husband. He does not hate you he will not hurt you. Good luck

Your DH won't hate you or try to hurt you first.

Are you able to get to A&E and explain what's going on? It doesn't sound like the crisis team did a lot. Tbh, ime they are as helpful as a chocolate teapot.

Are the crisis team going to do anything to help you apart from suggesting you take a bath!?

I don't understand why he's mad you're ill you can't help that. Have you had a blood test recently. There had been a few times in life when I've struggled with strong homicidal thoughts once was after starting a new medication which was instantly stopped as soon as this happened, when my thyroid is off its happened and another time I was under extreme stress. You need to seperate what are intrusive thoughts (really normal everyone has them) or actual i might actually do it thoughts which you need help for and would suggest a&e.

Doubt it

No but im under the psychosis team. Crisis team alerts them I've been in touch so my care coordinator will call tomorrow if she's in. Crisis team don't like me anyway. They always visit me at 1am and tell me off for being tired.