Support thread

[Helplessandheartbroke]

Anyone interested in a support thread? I set one up a while ago but it dwindled. Im really struggling atm so I know it would help me if anyone is willing? Also happy to be hear for anyone else who might be of course. Im particularly struggling with past regrets and mistakes I've made and feeling horrendous guilt. I had a break down 2 years ago and im really trying hard not to fall again.

Bumping with hope

Hello, what kind of support do you need from a group? I'm happy to be here to chat.

Hi @Realisation14

Not necessarily from a group but I always feel selfish just putting my problems on someone. Thanks for replying. Im really struggling atm. Im digging up past mistakes and torturing myself. Things that at the time weren't done with malice but looking back I shouldn't have done. A lot is to do with my ddog who was pts 2 years ago. I miss him so much and thinking I could have done better with him.

@Helplessandheartbroke It's lovely that you want to support others but it's you that needs the help and it's absolutely not selfish to seek help for your own problems, first and foremost.

When you (generic you) make a decision, chose an option or go down a particular path you do it based on the information and experience you have at that time; very rarely do you chose the least best option. You might be right, you might be wrong, the choice might turn out to be neutral – you will never know which it was. As a fellow dog owner (I have six!) I absolutely understand how hard it can be to make that final decision, it's the price we pay for loving them and having them in our lives.

Be kind to yourself, because torturing yourself will only cause you more pain.

@Eyesopenwideawake thank you, you've assisted me previously during a breakdown a couple of years ago.

Its things while he was alive too I torture myself over. Giving him the odd bit of chocolate knowing I shouldn't (like a Malteser or half a jaffa cake) but I felt tight not doing now I regret it, blaming myself for pulling on his lead too tight (to stop him licking another dogs pee) thinking i caused his death (generic eye problem)

I dont know why 2 years on im doing this to myself and I won't own another dog because of it.

Lovie, nothing you did caused his death – we ALL do the things you did from time to time. Sometimes shit just happens and there is NOTHING anyone can do about it.

If your dog was with you now he would still be giving you goo eyes when you had a treat that should have been his, and would still find dog pee irresistible and neither would make a jot of difference to his health. My lot eat every type of shit (literally – horse, chicken and cat) with no ill effects.

If I can help again just ping me a message.

Thank so much! I was ready to be told im a horrible person etc but that made me feel better especially coming from someone with 6 dogs!

There are of course other things like not bathing his cysts as recommended by the vet and not getting round to his winter groom etc. It was a tough time the months before he passed and I feel neglectful

The cysts didn't kill him and nor did not being groomed. How old was he?

Why are you so determined to blame yourself? Who instilled that into you?

@Helplessandheartbroke I'm feeling much the same as you but about different things. Feeling so low and struggling with horrible thoughts about myself. I'm sorry to hear you are finding things so hard and it sounds like you have nothing to reproach yourself about with your dog. Are there other things getting you down too? I'm happy to join for a chat and to give support too.

@Eyesopenwideawake I suffer with GAD and OCD so its all on myself. Dh thinks im mad and he was well cared for etc. Im convinced I made his glaucoma worse by tugging his lead etc. He was almost 7. Had 1 eye and the other would of had to be removed so we did what we thought was kindest. He always suffered with his eyes and had several ops (genetic)

@Ladyofwoods thanks for posting and your kind words. What is it your suffering with lovely?

Dh once said to me id neglected ddog after ds was born... once confronted he back tracked and said he meant attention wise, that was true ddog got less attention when I had a BF baby

@Helplessandheartbroke thank you for asking. Like you, I can't stop thinking about the mistakes I've made, mostly relationship wise, and the effect this has had on me and my DDs. I am also a long-term sufferer of depression and anxiety, which started with postnatal depression. I also have health and general anxiety issues. Christmas has made everything worse, and I just feel sick with anxiety. I will make an appointment to see my GP again, but they just refer me for CBT counselling which is good, but doesn't help deal with the embedded stuff from my childhood onwards. Money is tight, but I will look into private counselling I think. I hope you are feeling a bit better this evening. Take care 😍

@Ladyofwoods im sure you made the best decisions you could at the time and even if wrong, we learn by our mistakes. Have you tried talking therapy's?

@Helplessandheartbroke thank you. Yes I've done that in the past but quite a while ago. I think I ought to try again. Do you have any counselling or have had it in the past?

I have in the past. I had cbt and intensive cbt. It helped me understand my ocd better. I just can't not torture myself

Just asked dh about the neglect comment, told me it was a joke and was winding me up. These things really play on my mind

Sounds like the OCD coming into play OP you're obsessing about the comment made by DH and your brain is searching for absolutely every scenario where he could be proved correct. I'm sure you know deep down in your heart that you didn't cause your dear dogs passing, this is just a thought spiral and it will end and you will get out of it. X

@Realisation14 thank you. I dont know what's going on with me. Was lay awake last night about thinking of exs ferrets we gave to a rescue, they weren't even my pets! Ds has been up since 2am though so that's not helping. I've got no motivation and was considering a sick day but im quite new to a current promotion

That's a really rough night and a sickie would be much needed but I understand you don't want to jeopardize your job. Any chance you could go in, show you're making an effort and then fake a migraine and go home early to give yourself some rest?

I had a rough night too but I don't work outside the home, I'm a carer and thankfully we have no plans today due to the snow here. I won't be able to nap or anything but I CAN rest and maybe get a quick bath.

@Realisation14 thankfully im working from home today. Sorry you've had a rough night too. Any particular reason?

Im struggling a lot today. Its like i have to find things to worry about. The ferrets are now still on my mind. They were boarded with a lady who ran a bit of a rescue. Me and ex were military, i told him not to get them for this reason! When me and ex split she agreed to keep them and I said id send more money.... well I never did. Not maliciously but lost details/forgot etc. They weren't even my animals but I feel like i abandoned them!

Anyone about tonight? Please tell me I'm overthinking this? I can't rationalise these things

Past mistakes — made unintentionally, with the best knowledge and situational info at the time? Hindsight bias.

Acceptance we are flawed and imperfect individual humans can pave the way to forgiveness.

What did you learn from your mistakes ? Reflect on this and have you took this forward and used it to guide- is there still time to do this?