Recovering from excessive and long lasting health anxiety, is that possible?

[MrHarveysNewHat]

It sounds defeatist, I know but I genuinely can not see how I can ever recover from this and the older I am getting, the worse it is becoming.

As I write this I know it is pathetic, I see that it is and I know many people have little patience for health issues but it does hang over me like a black cloud. I do think my existing mental health issues and my chronic health problems are triggers though so it is a bit of a vicious cycle which I can not break.

I have always struggled with my mental health. From a very young age I would have a fear of dying and would spend a lot of time contemplating life and death. I also suffer with OCD which would often focus around contamination and illness a lot too.

I suppose it became a little better in my teen years and 20's but it was always there in the background. During my 30's I had my DC I managed to get through tummy bugs and viruses etc without having any major meltdowns although I would worry more than the average mum and would go into a panic if they came down with anything contagious, especially in the winter months and having emetophobia isn't much fun with young kids but I got through it.

None of my health anxiety problems are helped by the fact that I have struggled with some chronic health issues for decades. Since 1998 I have suffered from a bowels/guts problems (daily IBS and functional dyspepsia which are getting worse as I age), decades of excessively heavy periods resulted in years of anaemia which left my feeling very physically exhausted. I discovered 2 years ago that I have actually been suffering from endometriosis and adenomyosis. I seem to react very sensitively to hormones and also have aura migraines during my periods. My perimenopause journey has also been a bit rough over the last 7 years. I feel as though my body and mind are up against me every day (HRT makes my endo pain worse so can not take these and I have yet to find an antidepressant which doesn't exacerbate the gut issues).

I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD this year, I feel my mind has never functioned well and have limped along for decades.

But the covid pandemic shifted something in my brain, I feel it triggered the state that I am in now. I am not a conspiracy nut or anything like that but that timeline did something to me and I have not felt the same since. I am 52 so fully aware there have been and will always be pandemics and health disasters throughout history and most probably be more through my lifetime but the experience has triggered me and I am embarrassed to admit it although not helped by the fact my MIL died a horrible death in 2020 as a result of the pandemic (not from covid but because her cancer treatment was put on hold). My own mum had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2018 and was left quite isolated during the pandemic, she is sadly now in the advanced stages of the disease and I help care for her which has added another notch on my health anxiety journey.

I have now reached a point where I feel I am going crazy with constant worry over my health (and the health of those closest to me). I despise and dread winter to the point I will stay at home as much as possible and only go out when I need to. This current flu spike has me on edge. I have had the flu 4 times since my 20's (last time was this April) and I felt dreadful every time to the point that I now very much fear illnesses like flu.

I don't know what to do to ease this fear, the older I get and the more likelihood of disease or illness is triggering more fear but it's absolutely no way to live. I just want to be able to enjoy the rest of my life without this fear escalating over time. Watching my mum slowly dying from dementia has taught me how short life actually is but nothing I do helps. I have had endless CBT sessions, I even had advanced CBT sessions focusing on health anxiety but that didn't touch it. I have had endless counselling and am at the end of my current lot of therapy. I even did EMDR etc yet nothing eases the ingrained fear that I now have.

Has anyone overcome long standing health anxiety? We all face the same potential risk of disease as the next person but how are some (probably most) people able to live heir lives to the fullest and not allow this kind of anxiety to dominate their every day thoughts? Is this something that can be overcome at such a late age?

Citalopram and long term psychotherapy. CBT was fine but functioned as the mental health equivalent of first aid for me. After nearly 2 years of therapy I’m getting better.

Thank you. I really do need to pluck up the courage to take the antidepressants, it's ridiculous how I am so petrified of the side effects yet will suffer every day from the physical affects of my anxiety. I absolutely need to change something moving into yet another new year like this.

That's really good to know and very encouraging.

The side effects of medication are trivial compared to the distress of this overwhelming anxiety .. a drop in a very large buck.. go well.

What doseage are people on with citalopram. ? I've taken 20mg for months and months and feel no difference. HA is as bad as ever.

I take 20mg duloxetine and it switched my health anxiety tap off. It was amazing. I get melatonin liquid from biovea website.

I've read about duloxetine for health anxiety on here before. I asked my gp but he said they dont give it out for that!!

How frustrating! I might ask for a different gp and/or ask why.

I have a phobia related to health anxiety and just wanted to say I also get side effects bd stomach things very easily. I take citalopram and have drops rather than tablets. My dose is 10 drops a day atm but I did this excessively slowly - 1 drop a day for a couple of weeks, then 2 drops for 2-3 weeks etc. so much slower than the dose I could’ve managed with tablets. Because I do it so slowly (I’ve also adjusted doses and come off it for a while and then back on it) it really minimises any of these types of side effects. My doctor agrees that this is the best way for me to manage it as if u had to suddenly start or change doses the anxiety to do this would stop me from taking it at all. Thought this might help if you were nervous about side effects. I’ve recently increased my dose from 6-10 drops (I say recently, it took a couple of months!) and am really noticing it’s helping a lot more now

Just to say that makes it sound like I’m always adjusting my dose etc. I’m really noticing and only with doctors advice. I’ve been on and off it for probably over 20 years so it’s been a long time that I’ve had to try some time off it etc.

I'm definitely going to go and ask the GP for liquid antidepressants. I can't believe that I've struggled with the tablets for so many years yet no GP has ever suggested the drops.

I don't think it's common to get the drops and I get them as I can't swallow tablets (to do with my anxiety) and they aren't suitable to be crushed because of the release. I think they're a lot more expensive for the NHS too so not a preferred choice. However, I'm very happy having them as drops. I have to count the drops into a glass and have it with some water. It doesn't taste particularly nice but it's absolutely fine and works really well for me with if I need to adjust the dose and doing so super slowly.

I know. I can see another gp about this.
This particular gp is youngish and clearly thinks HA is just ridiculous. He actually half laughed when I said "I've got health anxiety and I know its really stupid at my age".

Potentially don’t call it ha then. More recent articles I have read suggest it is a form of ocd. He may be more amenable to medical treatment for that. I would also complain if he spoke to me like that!

I'm so sorry OP, it sounds exhausting to live with and scary at times too.

I truly understand how awful it is to have health problems and health anxiety. I've had a lot of awful, and quite frankly, traumatic health problems over the years, starting a decade ago with a head injury and post concussion syndrome before being injured permanently by an off label antipsychotic prescribed for severe insomnia and anxiety. This gave me a permanent neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia that is a bit like Tourette's and Parkinson's disease combined.

I regularly get a lot of involuntary movements in various parts of my body, including my mouth, tongue, and hands/feet. Grimacing, lip smacking, weird mouth movements, it all makes me feel pretty much a freak. And of course, not to mention the initial terrible post concussion syndrome symptoms which were so awful that they gave me a breakdown (tingling in my hands, head pressure, feeling of slow thinking, feeling like i had a block of concrete in my head... all very distressing post concussion syndrome symptoms).

And yes, I definitely agree that hormones are awful too. They've really messed my body up even more than ever over the past few years with perimenopause symptoms, and every day I curse my movement disorder as I'm terrified to try HRT in case it affects or exacerbates my involuntary movements.

Life is shitty at times. No advice, but complete solidarity and sympathy, OP. I yearn for my carefree healthy days of being young and healthy. It's definitely something that I took for granted so much 😪 💔

Just to add that i actually had a terrible fear of dreadful neurological conditions, including severe anxiety about things like CJD or adverse effects and reactions to psychotropic drugs (which is why I was extremely reluctant to try anything until I obviously needed them during my breakdown).

How ironic of course that I had to get a sodding movement disorder that i will now suffer from forever. Ha. Life is good to me 😪😅😳

I keep thinking there's actually something wrong with me. My mental health is really low just now. Im not sure what it is. I feel there's a big hole inside my heart and I don't know how to heal it.

How does health anxiety compare to OCD?

I agree about it being related to OCD.

See the NHS definition which answers your question.

Here's a bit more info.

I can tick off most of that list. But I still can't understand how it compares to OCD.

I think i dont understand enough about OCD. Maybe I should start there.

OCD is repetitive thoughts and/or actions. There are a million different varieties of ocd, it is not just about hygiene. Health anxiety is repetitive intrusive thoughts about ill health.

I could have written much of your post as I too am wondering if I will ever be free of this beast. Mine started just over a decade ago, triggered by mid cycle bleeding which turned out to be fibroids. I then started worrying about bowel cancer (my dad died from it) and ended up paying for a colonoscopy (all clear). I was much better for a few years after that but then, like you, Covid caused it to ramp up as I became traumatised by stories of people being diagnosed too late as they couldn't see a GP. I had a terrible 8 months in 2022 when I went from worrying from one illness to the next putting myself through test after test. Waiting for results sent me through the roof, not least because I was the victim of a few miscommunications, mistakes, and incidental findings which has turned me from someone who goes to the GP frequently to someone who avoids them where at all possible! I even refuse to have the NHS app as I'm scared I'll read something in my notes that triggers me. For example, it's enough for me to know a blood result is ok, but to see the actual numbers will likely send me down a google rabbit hole.To make matters worse, I had a bad reaction to Sertraline which landed me in a&e, so the very thing that was supposed to help me made my health anxiety much worse! I had CBT which helped a bit and I briefly thought I was "cured" after this and some clear test results but after a while I slipped back into my old ways. The frustrating thing is that I understand why HA occurs and have been given the tools to fight it but it's so damn hard to actually do it!

The ironic thing is, apart from Fibroids, I've never been diagnosed with anything and am probably fitter and healthier than most people in their 50s. However, I feel like it's only a matter of time before I get something nasty and I'm a ticking timebomb. The constant cancer mentions in the media don't help - it's everywhere!

Perimenopause has definitely made things worse as so many of the symptoms are also symptoms of nasties. For example, I'm worried the brain fog could actually be alzheimers which is not completely irrational as my mum died of it. I've avoided HRT to date due to the fibroids but have actually made an appointment next week to discuss it, although I'm skeptical whether it will help my HA. However, it's my only hope as ssris are off the table and I see little point in doing CBT again.

As much as I don't want to, I think I will have to mention my HA at the appointment, although they will probably only suggest I try CBT and/or anti-depressants, both of which failed.

Your final paragraph is exactly how I feel as I'm sure most people are not in this state of fear despite having the same potential risk of disease.

I really want 2026 to be the year I beat this but I've no idea how.

I could have written your post Ihatehealthanxiety. I picked up health anxiety from a mother who had lost her own mum to cancer as a child and never processed the trauma of that, so it's something I've always had - childhood headaches were always potential meningitis in my house. It got particularly bad about 15 years ago when I was diagnosed with a basal cell carcinoma, which kicked off a massive panic about skin cancer. It did abate over time (but only after I'd had so many lesions removed that I'm now like a patchwork quilt) but Covid totally turbocharged it again.

I remember reading an article in a very respected publication (can't remember if it was the New York Times or something - it was American) in the very early days of the pandemic about how the virus is transmitted and following a couple of hypothetical characters as they went about their ordinary work days, describing the mechanism of the virus within their bodies and how they were shedding it everywhere and transmitting it to other people. That really messed with my head and has continued to do so. It's planted a seed which has spread into every area of my life, so I am tormented by invisible threats. I can be sitting with my family at the kitchen table and an article I read about gas hobs emitting benzine suddenly comes into my mind, or I remember hearing a story on the news about carbon monoxide from faulty boilers and I'm swamped with this cold, hideous dread. Not to mention the panic about my own perimenopausal body, with its moles and weird irregular periods and joint aches that I can easily imagine are spreading disease inside me.

In my case the health anxiety morphed into horrible OCD and I'm on the waiting list for NHS talking therapy, though I fear that won't touch the sides. Like everyone else I'm desperate to free myself of this flawed way of thinking but at a loss as to how to do it. Reducing my media consumption is one thing I'm trying. I'm certain the 'always on' model of news and social media exposes us to way more information and anecdata than our brains need or can process.

Sympathy and solidarity with everyone else who is suffering this.

Sorry you're suffering too. I definitely have ocd tendencies with repeated checking, rechecking, googling.

Perimenopause & fibroids have given me frequent, random spotting which, while a nuisance, I'm not actually so worried about as it's been fully investigated and is totally benign. However, I still feel panic everytime I go to the loo in case I see blood, which I inevitably do sometimes. I wiped yesterday and there was a tiny, feint spot of pink on the tissue that most people likely wouldn't even notice and it wasn't obviously coming from my vagina or anywhere else for that matter (usually I can easily tell, and I also have mild vaginal atrophy which causes slight external bleeding on wiping occasionally). I then spent the day googling bladder cancer. I later remembered I'd opened a pack of raw slightly bloody mince just prior to visiting the loo, so it's possible a bit got on my hands & transferred to the tissue. But what if I'm wrong? I then did start obviously spotting vaginally later that evening, so it may also have just been the start of that, but again what if that's another red herring and it was from my bladder?! I'm now wondering if I should ask the GP to check my urine just in case, but the prospect of it fills me with terror and of course I'd be feeding the beast! That's just one example of how my HA mind works overtime and consumes me.I'm incapable of separating HA from symptoms that might actually need checking. It's shit.