Anyone with BPD?

[TinkerbellesMum]

I saw on my notes not long ago Diagnosis: Borderline Personality Disorder. I've never been told by anyone. I started researching it and have been rather shocked and moved by what I've read as it does seem to describe me quite well. I was recommended the film "Girl, Interrupted" which I've just watched and again I related to Susanna's story.

When I told Mum what I saw she said she told Dad ages ago I had BPD (suspected it I mean, not that she has been told). She now thinks I should automatically change my behaviour (which has been a lot better since my partner came into my life anyway, but I still have my moments) as I understand what is wrong with me. It's left me feeling quite lonely. I don't fully understand it because websites can't tell you everything and they can't give you years of therapy. She thinks because I'm intelligent I should be able to see when I'm thinking or feeling something that's not rational. Her boss (she's a Senior Child Protection Social Worker) is a family friend and he wound me up the other day, I asked him to drop it, he carried on and I got angry. Now they're trying to say there's "something wrong" with me and Tink is at risk. I haven't got that sort of angry for two and a half years. All the people who see me from the hospital and my HV say how well I'm doing, Mum keeps trying to say the HV is worried about me but she keeps saying how well I'm doing. I'm seeing my nurse therapist this week so will be talking to him about it all.

That was sort of an introduction and sort of needing to get some things off my chest somewhere.

So, anyone else with BPD? Come and share your stories and help make me feel less mad

Weird, I was going to post a thread here about personality disorders as I'm currently undergoing assessment myself after one disastrous weekend where I wanted to kill myself and have not been functioning at all lately.

My problems have been ongoing since I was a teenager really - starving myself, cutting, an unhealthy fixation on people I have relationships with, getting involved with the wrong people. Then last year I had a breakdown and my marriage ended. I have experienced difficulty thinking, and a few "psychotic" experiences among other things, erratic mood changes and feeling depressed and very agitated, wanting to escape / switch myself off. I also had a holiday where I became obsessed with a book I was reading (which I had read before years earlier) and felt the book was talking to me.

The psychiatrist I had last year thought I was bipolar but the psychiatrist on the team who currently visits me thinks I most likely have a personality disorder and he explained why and it seems to make sense.

Even now I am still in a mess and trying to be strong and get out of an unsuitable relationship which just adds to my problems. My CPN has said I need to spend time with people who think "normally", as I seem to attract intense people who often have mental health problems themselves.

Anyway, I'm kind of relieved to see this thread and realise a lot of people have this problem.

One other thing I wanted to mention is that during my pregnancies / when my children were babies I was more stable - one friend describes me during this time as being "like a normal person" and my psychiatrist suggested the hormones can have a stabalising effect - anyone have a view on this?

electra I always found the pill helped (can't take it anymore though) so I can see why pregnancy and BFing would too. I have calmed down a lot since my first pregnancy.

You reminded me of something a bi-polar friend of mine said "You're like bi-polar, but you're not" it's a good description of BPD I think.

congrat Tink - lovely news!

peacelily - thanks for your advice. there is no crisis centre, only A&E and for many reasons I cannot go into here that isnt really an option for me. I just wish I could have a CPN or at least a contact number. I am in long term psychotherapy which aims to keep me afloat from day to day - but tbh nothing really 'helps'

I am very despondant about the whole thing atm. I am pre menstraul and I am always worse at this time of the month. I akcknoweldge it tho and try to do all I can help myself along at this time, but like I said, nothing really helps.

Yes Tink - glad to see we are both on the Fab Feb thread !

Kewl, we've got our own little support group! lol I'm terrible with names, especially if they're new ones so I hadn't noticed.

I've also got an autoimmune disease (Hughes Syndrome) that can cause anything else. I know a lot of people who have a mental health diagnosis as well, so I'm wondering if the disease could have some influence in it. Of course any mention to doctors (psychiatrists) about these things is just part of your mental health problems and not taken seriously

I do get annoyed by how I get treated by doctors because I have mental health problems. Mum was telling her doctors for ages her ear felt weird. She was told it was auditory hallucinations as a side effect of her AD's. She was also lactating. Eventually her GP said she didn't think it was and sent her for tests. Her prolactin levels were through the roof and they thought she had a tumour on her pituitary gland. Eventually turned out the AD's were stopping the pituitary gland from working properly! All the time her doctor said it was all in her head. She weaned herself off (without telling him) and it all got better. I get so annoyed at being treated like a mental health patient all the time when actually I have a very serious condition that could cut my life short but gets over looked and any attempt for me to educate myself brings us back to my mental health!

I have the same dx, once ten years ago at the Priory, and then again a few weeks ago. Both psychiatrists are considered to be the best in the biz so I know it fits.

It should be considered to be a severely debilitating condition, which rarely responds to meds. I'm embarking upon an 18 week treatment prog, a full day per week.

The biggest sign is lots of behaviours that constitute self harm - so drinking, taking drugs (both scripted and illegal count), sexual recklessness, cutting, food control (eg restricting or over eating) and being someone that people often say is 'unlucky'. My latest consultant said as soon as I told him my personal life was chaos he knew it was BPD.