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Off sick and manager wants to have a catchup?

324 replies

Applerumbles · 24/10/2025 14:40

I’ve been off sick from work with MH issues for well over a year.
My line manager has just emailed to ask tor a catchup call to see how I am and what they can do to support me.
I can’t face talking to him (or anyone really) so would it be ok to say that I’m not well enough for a call and that I am still getting medical treatment for my illness?
Im not sure he should be contacting me if I am off sick and providing fitnotes?

OP posts:
SquishyGloopyBum · 24/10/2025 20:04

Gently, you seem to think the work insurance policy will cover you indefinitely? I don’t think that is the case and I think you need to be aware of that. Employers can dismiss on health grounds.

I hope you have a speedy recovery. Perhaps this could be for the best - a new you?

SirChenjins · 24/10/2025 20:30

I'm surprised that the insurance will continue pay out indefinitely even if you don't engage with your manager and Occ Health service.

Applerumbles · 24/10/2025 20:33

SirChenjins · 24/10/2025 20:30

I'm surprised that the insurance will continue pay out indefinitely even if you don't engage with your manager and Occ Health service.

Edited

This is the first time my manager has asked to speak to me so I haven’t refused to engage at all. No contact from OH either.

OP posts:
verycloakanddaggers · 24/10/2025 20:35

SquishyGloopyBum · 24/10/2025 20:04

Gently, you seem to think the work insurance policy will cover you indefinitely? I don’t think that is the case and I think you need to be aware of that. Employers can dismiss on health grounds.

I hope you have a speedy recovery. Perhaps this could be for the best - a new you?

Some insurance policies do cover indefinitely.

Jellybunny56 · 24/10/2025 20:40

verycloakanddaggers · 24/10/2025 20:35

Some insurance policies do cover indefinitely.

Work ones typically only cover you for as long as you are an employee, OP can be dismissed and most likely the cover will then end.

I’d be pretty confident that as OP is coming up to two years off, no plans to return, this contact will be to start the ball rolling towards dismissal which they absolutely can do.

TeaRoseTallulah · 24/10/2025 20:47

AmyDuPlantier · 24/10/2025 16:12

Some of the attitudes on this thread are appalling.

Totally agree.

This isn't AIBU it the MH board.

OP, my suggest is hide this thread or ask for it to be removed, it won't do you any good reading some of the quite frankly shocking responses on here.

Have an early night and first thing Monday contact work by email and take it from there. You will feel better I expect from getting it over and done with so it's not looming over you.

I wish you all the very best for your recovery x

Applerumbles · 24/10/2025 20:50

TeaRoseTallulah · 24/10/2025 20:47

Totally agree.

This isn't AIBU it the MH board.

OP, my suggest is hide this thread or ask for it to be removed, it won't do you any good reading some of the quite frankly shocking responses on here.

Have an early night and first thing Monday contact work by email and take it from there. You will feel better I expect from getting it over and done with so it's not looming over you.

I wish you all the very best for your recovery x

Thank you, that’s so kind.

OP posts:
lottiestars76 · 24/10/2025 21:21

@Applerumbles is your mental health considered a disability? And if so, has this been communicated to your employer? I mean it definitely should be considered a disability if you have been off work now for well over a year with it, as the definition of a disability under the equality act includes mental health issues that lasts for 12 months or more.

I think you are getting a terrible time here, and even the posters who have declared how terrible their own mental health has been and have still done XYZ. It’s not a competition, each persons mental health illness and journey is their own, and the severity of it and how it effects them is completely subjective, so it’s irrelevant how others have coped or pushed through , despite being very seriously ill, you aren’t them and they aren’t you.

You have mentioned you have a union, I’d start by getting in touch with them, so when you do arrange contact with work, you can have someone speaking for you on your behalf if need be, and they can offer you advice, and contact your work on your behalf if need be.

Lots of posters are judging you for not being in touch, but then failing to recognise and include in their comments that your employer has themselves failed to also be in touch throughout your absence. You have said yourself that they haven’t contacted you at all, not that they have and you have refused to engage, so the employer has almost certainly not followed their own absence policy, unless at the beginning of you being off, you agreed a certain level of contact and they were happy to allow it to be nothing. Either way the onus is on them as the employer to be arranging adequate contact that takes into consideration your mental health needs. You don’t say whether work caused your illness ( apologies if you have mentioned this further on I didn’t get to read the entire thread) but either way, depending on the reason, they have to apply a level of contact which is considerate of your mental health and illness.

Some posters have also seemed to miss the fact that whilst you have been off for a significant amount of time, you have also worked there for over 20 years, so you have a longstanding relationship with this company, which speaks volumes and should be taken into consideration when people are being judgmental and saying you need to leave. If you have worked somewhere for such a significant length of time, so long it would likely be the main job in your working life, it might not be as simple as just handing your notice it. It’s a process for you to get through mentally, and you don’t have to rush that.

It’s unusual they haven’t made contact until now, or maintained it throughout, but again, why should you have to be the one responsible for chasing that up? You have stated you have been significantly effected by your mental health, including being admitted into hospital for a while, so I imagine at times even getting up from bed some days felt too difficult, so communication with a workplace isn’t always going to be something that feels possible for you.

Going forward, I’d get in touch with your union, they can advise you on how to respond initially to your employer and where you can go from here, including agreeing a reasonable communication frequency, and who that can be. When it comes to mental health/ disabilities, it might be that frequent contact or any will be detrimental to your recovery, so legally you can nominate somebody to communicate on your behalf.

Id also hide this thread, or just stop engaging with it. A lot of comments have been awful, and lacking any sort of compassion for a person who is quite clearly very unwell and needs support. It doesn’t cost a thing to sometimes cast aside your judgements and try and see it from the point of view of someone else, especially when they are explaining how Ill they have been , and how little quality of life they currently have. Kicking and piling on someone when they are down is just cruel, and it shows those people who truly cannot empathise.

Good luck Op xx

ElizabethsTailor · 24/10/2025 21:23

Jellybunny56 · 24/10/2025 20:40

Work ones typically only cover you for as long as you are an employee, OP can be dismissed and most likely the cover will then end.

I’d be pretty confident that as OP is coming up to two years off, no plans to return, this contact will be to start the ball rolling towards dismissal which they absolutely can do.

While I don’t have a great deal of insight to the breadth of insurance products on the market, there certainly are a lot that cover you indefinitely, both as private products and as corporate products.

However, their terms vary. For example I have seen one where the insurance only operates for a year with the person employed, then they need to exit and are covered only by the insurance and not by the employer. I have seen another where the person transfers to the companies “pensioners payroll” (very old school) but until retirement age the “pension” is reimbursed to the company by the insurance company.

A common pitfall is that some policies will only pay out “while there is a likelihood of eventual return to work”. This can make it tricky for the employee because they could either (a) be seen as too sick to ever return, and their insurance payout drops or (b) return to work on a phased return helped by these lovely employers and insurers, only to then be “managed out on a capability basis” as soon as the employer is footing the full bill again.

Applerumbles · 24/10/2025 21:28

lottiestars76 · 24/10/2025 21:21

@Applerumbles is your mental health considered a disability? And if so, has this been communicated to your employer? I mean it definitely should be considered a disability if you have been off work now for well over a year with it, as the definition of a disability under the equality act includes mental health issues that lasts for 12 months or more.

I think you are getting a terrible time here, and even the posters who have declared how terrible their own mental health has been and have still done XYZ. It’s not a competition, each persons mental health illness and journey is their own, and the severity of it and how it effects them is completely subjective, so it’s irrelevant how others have coped or pushed through , despite being very seriously ill, you aren’t them and they aren’t you.

You have mentioned you have a union, I’d start by getting in touch with them, so when you do arrange contact with work, you can have someone speaking for you on your behalf if need be, and they can offer you advice, and contact your work on your behalf if need be.

Lots of posters are judging you for not being in touch, but then failing to recognise and include in their comments that your employer has themselves failed to also be in touch throughout your absence. You have said yourself that they haven’t contacted you at all, not that they have and you have refused to engage, so the employer has almost certainly not followed their own absence policy, unless at the beginning of you being off, you agreed a certain level of contact and they were happy to allow it to be nothing. Either way the onus is on them as the employer to be arranging adequate contact that takes into consideration your mental health needs. You don’t say whether work caused your illness ( apologies if you have mentioned this further on I didn’t get to read the entire thread) but either way, depending on the reason, they have to apply a level of contact which is considerate of your mental health and illness.

Some posters have also seemed to miss the fact that whilst you have been off for a significant amount of time, you have also worked there for over 20 years, so you have a longstanding relationship with this company, which speaks volumes and should be taken into consideration when people are being judgmental and saying you need to leave. If you have worked somewhere for such a significant length of time, so long it would likely be the main job in your working life, it might not be as simple as just handing your notice it. It’s a process for you to get through mentally, and you don’t have to rush that.

It’s unusual they haven’t made contact until now, or maintained it throughout, but again, why should you have to be the one responsible for chasing that up? You have stated you have been significantly effected by your mental health, including being admitted into hospital for a while, so I imagine at times even getting up from bed some days felt too difficult, so communication with a workplace isn’t always going to be something that feels possible for you.

Going forward, I’d get in touch with your union, they can advise you on how to respond initially to your employer and where you can go from here, including agreeing a reasonable communication frequency, and who that can be. When it comes to mental health/ disabilities, it might be that frequent contact or any will be detrimental to your recovery, so legally you can nominate somebody to communicate on your behalf.

Id also hide this thread, or just stop engaging with it. A lot of comments have been awful, and lacking any sort of compassion for a person who is quite clearly very unwell and needs support. It doesn’t cost a thing to sometimes cast aside your judgements and try and see it from the point of view of someone else, especially when they are explaining how Ill they have been , and how little quality of life they currently have. Kicking and piling on someone when they are down is just cruel, and it shows those people who truly cannot empathise.

Good luck Op xx

Thank you for taking the time to write such a kind and helpful post @lottiestars76, it means a lot.

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 24/10/2025 21:41

Applerumbles · 24/10/2025 20:33

This is the first time my manager has asked to speak to me so I haven’t refused to engage at all. No contact from OH either.

Then it's a good idea to meet your manager now, check that your insurance will continue indefinitely, and engage with Occ Health if that's an outcome of your meeting.

lottiestars76 · 24/10/2025 21:43

@Applerumblesits fine. We never know when we ourselves might need support and doesn’t cost a thing to be kind. Wish you all the best x

WearyAuldWumman · 24/10/2025 22:40

Applerumbles · 24/10/2025 20:33

This is the first time my manager has asked to speak to me so I haven’t refused to engage at all. No contact from OH either.

They're in the wrong, then. I suspect that the ball has been dropped because of the change of manager.

user1476613140 · 25/10/2025 08:28

Stay off as long as you need OP. You can't put a price on your emotional well-being. Look after yourself.

CatAsstrophe · 25/10/2025 08:47

2024onwardsandup · 24/10/2025 18:27

A telephone call or face to face with a manager is a very different context for communication than posting on mumsnet

Those aren't the only options for communication. The OP could have emailed the manager and asked to keep in touch that way, as suggested several times in the thread, or communicate via a third party re: union rep, which is another reasonable way to keep in touch with an employer.

@Bumdrops made a really good point - 'active engagement in recovery models are crucial' and it's usually something that is encouraged by professional caregivers - GP, mental health services etc.

Edited to add - based on some of the replies on this thread, a telephone conversation with the manager would have been the easier option!!

Jenkibubble · 25/10/2025 09:22

Applerumbles · 24/10/2025 15:09

No, I’ve been really ill and can’t seem to get better despite trying really hard. Would you be so dismissive if it was a physical illness?

Im sorry gou are struggling - I have too in the past and still do.

The doctor is providing you with sick notes but what are they doing to help you get better ?
Different meds / counselling etc
They don’t sound that proactive !

I agree that your employee is reasonable in wanting to know your intentions - take a rep or trusted person with you for support
It is bad they have left it this long though - had it been earlier it may be less scary for you

Applerumbles · 25/10/2025 10:45

Jenkibubble · 25/10/2025 09:22

Im sorry gou are struggling - I have too in the past and still do.

The doctor is providing you with sick notes but what are they doing to help you get better ?
Different meds / counselling etc
They don’t sound that proactive !

I agree that your employee is reasonable in wanting to know your intentions - take a rep or trusted person with you for support
It is bad they have left it this long though - had it been earlier it may be less scary for you

My psychiatrist and the therapist have been extremely proactive so I am starting to despair that I will never get any better than this.

OP posts:
Enigma54 · 25/10/2025 11:03

@Applerumbles what point would you like to get to with therapy etc? Do you have milestones that you want to reach? I only ask, as from reading your posts, it does seem that you are quite a distance away from reaching a point where you can return to work? Can you leave the house to go shopping for example? Or have a conversation with a friend / family member?

TeaRoseTallulah · 25/10/2025 23:03

Applerumbles · 25/10/2025 10:45

My psychiatrist and the therapist have been extremely proactive so I am starting to despair that I will never get any better than this.

Don't despair,when you are as ill as you've been it can take a long time to get better. Just the same as if you have had a bad accident,takes a long while to heal.

DuvetsFTW · 26/10/2025 00:45

I Hope you recover soon OP.

Can you write down a step by step list of the path that could get you back into work? It might help you to analyze the situation and break your recovery down into manageable chunks?

Out of interest, do you ever see yourself returning to work?

CombatBarbie · 26/10/2025 00:59

Applerumbles · 24/10/2025 17:48

Thank you. Email or text would be easier for me but my manager has asked for a call. I will respond by email and take it from there.

You can say that you would prefer email/teams chat function instead. Im a phone avoider from MH so whilst I get it, you dont seem to have an issue posting on here. And then there will be a paper trail if anything untoward is mentioned. You have mentioned you are in touch with colleagues, which your manager/HR likely knows so you have no excuse really.

They are not unreasonable to ask for an update, especially if they are employing agency staff to cover etc.

Applerumbles · 26/10/2025 01:43

CombatBarbie · 26/10/2025 00:59

You can say that you would prefer email/teams chat function instead. Im a phone avoider from MH so whilst I get it, you dont seem to have an issue posting on here. And then there will be a paper trail if anything untoward is mentioned. You have mentioned you are in touch with colleagues, which your manager/HR likely knows so you have no excuse really.

They are not unreasonable to ask for an update, especially if they are employing agency staff to cover etc.

I’m not in touch with colleagues

OP posts:
Applerumbles · 26/10/2025 01:45

DuvetsFTW · 26/10/2025 00:45

I Hope you recover soon OP.

Can you write down a step by step list of the path that could get you back into work? It might help you to analyze the situation and break your recovery down into manageable chunks?

Out of interest, do you ever see yourself returning to work?

It’s hard to imagine feeling well enough to return to work but I can’t tell my manager that

OP posts:
CombatBarbie · 26/10/2025 01:11

Applerumbles · 26/10/2025 01:43

I’m not in touch with colleagues

You said you dont know your manager and have heard hes not liked??

Applerumbles · 26/10/2025 01:21

CombatBarbie · 26/10/2025 01:11

You said you dont know your manager and have heard hes not liked??

He was manager of a different team when I was working and was said to be a bit of a wanker

OP posts: