I feel like I’m having a breakdown and can’t go on like this anymore

[Zaina89]

I have been married for 11 years, 3 kids. 10, 8 and 2 this week. I’ve always suffered with anxiety ( health anxiety more but I worry a lot about everything and over think) since the pregnancy of my 3rd child I started with quite bad mental health problems and physical problems, I was physically sick for the entire 9 months and mentally I wasn’t ok. That went away as soon as she was born, but I had my in laws staying, during the birth I had a huge blood loss and also a 2nd degree tear and it was bad. I came home to a messy house and dh and mil didn’t care and I was up and doing housework the same day and physically I haven’t been ok since then, mentally my mil kept baby with her so much and it got to the point I was crying in babies dirty clothes just to smell her because I felt like she was being took away. Eventually I healed but physically was still weak and mentally fragile. On my daughters first birthday party last year, I don’t know what happened but ever since that day I suffered with some kind of lightheadness that I can only describe as being on a boat, I’ve never had panic attacks but this triggered panic attacks which were bad and it was even affecting my sleep. I’ve been to the doctors multiple times but I have health anxiety and don’t want to take the medication because I’m scared. I did get better for about 7 months but now I’m loosing it, my heart rate goes up anywhere I go and I get lightheaded, I can’t go to the supermarket anymore, I took my toddler for a walk this afternoon and got to the end of the street before I ran back and my heart was beating out of my chest and I was lightheaded and shaky for an hour after. I feel like I’m constantly going to die. I can’t live like this anymore, I’m a stay at home mom, we are renovating and moving to a different area, I’m currently driving 4 hours a day because we changed the kids schools but I’ve been doing this journey since June and we still haven’t moved. I’m exhausted, husband is never home because he’s a builder and doing our renovation. I feel like I have no space to breathe, I’m constantly with the kids doing everything and all the housework. I feel like I can’t cope anymore on top of all the physical feelings.

ive booked a doctors appointment for Wednesday, I’m scared I’m going to kill myself because of how bad I am, my anxiety attacks are getting worse. I cannot go on like this. Any advice would be appreciated

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so ill.
Can you call someone, even a crisis line until you see the GP.
I hope things improve soon.

Could be physical ?? Please, don't call yourself bad

They’ve done my bloods twice since this started, I was slightly anemic and low in vitamin d the first time when this started but I had iron tablets and the last blood test showed it was resolved.

the last time I went to the doctors they listened to my heart and said everything sounded good but my heart rate was 138 because I was sitting there scared and giving myself a panic attack.

when I go outside I start thinking “ is it going to happen, it hasn’t happened yet” then it starts. I’m just very scared about everything

Please do not hurt yourself. This is temporary but death is permanent and I’m not trying to guilt you here but your children love and need you. Unfortunately our nhs isn’t always the best at taking mental health symptoms seriously, especially for women. Do you have any close family members you could reach out to now? A sister or your mum? Please do not feel ashamed to reach out. You are wanted and cared about. Unfortunately our loved ones can take us for granted but none of them would want to loose you. You are unwell right now and need support and I know some might not agree with this but if you are in crisis I would even consider 111 as I feel like it’s an emergency. I have been where you are before and there is no shame in how you feel. You have lived through a traumatic birth and that has left behind lasting mental scars and that is ok and happens to a lot of people you are not alone!

Please, please try to take whatever medication the doctor recommends. It will be good for you and will help you be less scared and overwhelmed and anxious.

Hope and Help for Your Nerves by Dr Claire Weekes. I was in a similar position to you and tried so many things in vain. This changed my life. Took me about half a year to put this into practice. Nearly 4 years since and I’m still cured from the anxiety and insomnia I suffered with for 15 years.

Be honest and frank with your GP. Tell him/her exactly what is going on. And that you need urgent help. You can, and will, get better. Time is your friend. And take the medicine !

I'm sorry you are feeling like this.

Pregnancy has a way of sometimes messing up your hormones and making you feel like this.

It's temporary and you will start to feel better in time. Talk your GP, take the medicine and any support you can.

If you are suicidal right now, you need to reach out to the Samaratins or your husband, or a friend or family.

I promise you that while it's extremely difficult right now, it will get better. Your anxiety will start to reduce and you will be able to enjoy times with your children again.

Please search out to someone right now. You don't need to tackle this alone. People will help you. Do you have someone you can talk to? If not, I will find you some numbers you can call.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our [https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health. You can also go to the https://www.samaritans.org/ or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.
We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly

https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/where-to-get-urgent-help-for-mental-health/ Symptoms of anxiety are horrible but they wont kill you. Keep telling yourself that.. at the peak this is anxiety, my brain is on overshoot, but it will pass.. . let the kids watch more TV for a few days.. put the BALANCE app on in your headphones. Watch daydreams on cbbc..

Oh and write it ALL down , paper doesn’t judge how ridiculous your fears are.. but the process of writing can be therapeutic and you can check if your fears are real or coming from fear..

This sounds like PTSD to me to be honest.

Yes, do this and take it for the GP to read. It will really help to make sure that you are heard and understood properly.

Absolutely 2nd this. It's a book or you can get the audio which I found relaxing. Dr Claire weekes has passed away now and this was written a long time ago so some it can sound a bit old fashion-y the terms she uses but it all still stands as relevant and works.